GAMEFREAK – 2005

Hummm...I realize there are no pokemon reviews on this site. Well, seeing as I got Emerald Version recently, and that the site hasn't been updated in forever...why not do pokemon?

So, this is the third in the...shiny series, I guess you would call it? Ruby, Sapphire, Emerald. Precious stones, perhaps? Anyway, this is the Yellow Version to Red and Blue, and the Crystal to Gold and Silver. It takes the elements (pun intended, har har) of both versions, and smashes them together in a neat little package. In Ruby and Sapphire version, you were a pokemon trainer who sought out to become THE GREATEST TRAINER OF ALL TIME. Actually, that's the basic story of all of the games. So far I've become the greatest trainer of all time six times. I'm just that good.

So, anyway, on you're quest to be the best you can, you encounter Team Magma or Team Aqua, depending on which version you play. The Teams, which are essentially gangs, are trying to expand their domains. They think they can do this by awakening either the legendary ground pokemon Groudon, or the legendary water pokemon Kyogre. However, rather than obey the Team leaders, the pokemon go crazy! Groudon causes the sun to be really really bright, and Kyogre makes it rain really really hard! You, being such a cool trainer, encounter these legends, and can either capture them or kill them. I capture them, 'cause they're one of a kind.

BUT IN EMERALD, you don't encounter one or the other. You encounter BOTH! Not only that, but as Team Magma attempts to control Groudon, Team Aqua is working on controlling Kyogre! As expected, both fail, and the two legends appear in Sootopolis City and duke it out, because as we all know, land and sea will never be friends. But on the inside they're exactly the same.

Wait. No they're not. Oh well.

Anyway, because it would be unwise to disturb two head butting pokemon, you go with the ex-gym leader of the town, Wallace, to the Sky Pillar to find the legendary sky pokemon, Rayquaza. Apparently, in the days of old, the sky served as a mediator between the fighting of land and sea. What a clever analogy. Hey, I just rhymed!

So, you awaken the big ol' sky dragon, and you're treated to a small cutscene of Rayquaza flying through the sky, and inside the dormant volcano that is Sootopolis City, and as he appears, the fighting representatives of land and sea go away. It's like when you and your sibling are fighting over what to watch on the TV, and your mom comes down and yells because she has a hangover from the party last night, and you're just making her headache worse. I think that analogy was clever, too. I also just think I spoiled the plot. Whoops.

So, for this version, they pretty much tweaked some of the storyline, and also gave the pokemon in battles ACTION SEQUENCES! Like, if you're fighting a Cacturne, instead of just coming out and standing there, it jumps up and down and does a mad crazy ninja kick! It's awesome to the max. Or sometimes they rock back and forth, AND SOMETIMES THEY EVEN BLINKS COLORS!

Aside from that, it's pretty much your run-of-the-mill pokemon game. Start out with either a fire, water, or grass pokemon, work up, beat 8 gym leaders, fight the elite four, fight the champion, win the game. Oh yeah, there's something called a Battle Frontier after beating the elite four. I can only get up to the dragon guy. Damnit.

Oh yeah, Norman is a bitch. I hate his Slaking with a passion. (HORNSWAGGLE) YOU, NORMAN! (Editor’s note: Tim has a potty mouth. Naughty Tim. We’re trying to keep this site all PG and there you go. Therefore, every time Tim uses a cursing-type word, I shall replace it with a word that I like just as much but will not cause people under the age of 10 to be flayed to immorality. Also – Slaking? -FreeOhio)

What liked: It's pokemon, and I'm a sucker for pokemon.

What disliked: It's pokemon, which means it's a rehash of the old games.

What to expect: Lots of pokemon and battles and time wasted working up.

What not to expect: Much originality

What's so different from this and other games of it's genre: I think pokemon is considered an RPG, but...aside from a little tweaking, it's the same as Ruby and Sapphire, which are different and the same.

Ratings on:

Control – (10): Everything responds as it should. No complaints.

Graphics – (8): It's all the stuff we've seen before. A few tweaks here and there.

Sound – (6): Soo repetitive

Style – (3): It's the same game I've been playing since 1997.

Difficulty – (7): (ONOMATOPOEIA) YOU, NORMAN!

Time Intervals

1st hour: Yeah! Pokemon! Again!

4rd hour: (CEASAR SALAD) YOU, NORMAN!

5th hour: Finally got my Cacnea...now I've got three pokemon in my group!

9th hour: Four pokemon...six badges...

16th hour: Working uppp...haaate working upp…

23rd hour: Elite four! Woo!

-TO BE CONTINUED!

#1 reason why I hate this game: (HOMONCULOUS) YOU, NORMAN!

by Tim, the greatest pokemon master ever