Pikmin

Gamecube

Nintendo - 2001

      Everyone knows that slavery is bad. What this game presupposes is, maybe it isn't. Sure, we've spent hundreds of years working under the assumption that slavery is immoral. Abraham Lincoln said it was bad; the constitution said it was bad; but Shigeru Miyamoto, who is more important than either of the previous two, says it's good. And if it's good enough for Shigeru, then it's good enough for me.

      Not content with a Communist plumber and a fairy-philic Elf, Miyamoto and his own slaves, known as Nintendo, decided to try out slave driving, however, they still managed to slip under Tipper Gore's radar for improper material. That's because Miyamoto knows what he is doing. Mario was cute, Link was in love with Zelda, and Pikmin are plants. Plants! How clever, how logical. Enslaving people is clearly frowned upon, not to mention illegal, forcing animals to work is better, but plants? Who would be offended by indentured foliage? No one. Who the heck cares about plants? There's no "Mothers Illogically Loving Foliage" or "Save Hashish Indentured in Tahiti." In a recently fabricated poll, most children under the age of 1 don't even realize that plants are alive. They are grouped in the "not alive but might taste good" category with boogers and dead bugs.

      But where are my manners? I haven't even explained the game yet. You control Captain Olimar, a tiny man from a tiny planet, who has crash landed on an uncharted planet. During his first day on the planet, while searching for pieces to his ship, Olimar is confronted by a flying, red onion. This onion proceeds to spit out two seeds. Showing unbridled impatience and forethought, Olimar rips them out of the ground to find they have grown into tiny, naked plant-people. Exited by the naked plant-people, Captain Olimar experiments with them. He learns that they do, indeed, seem to follow him, and that they respond to the whistle and trumpet Olimar keeps inside his helmet.

      Under Olimar's expert leadership, these first two Pikmin (so named because they look like Pikpiks, or carrots) are forced to bludgeon flowers to death with their heads. Once they have done so, they harvest the flower's untapped bodily fluids, found in pill form, and feed it to the onion. The onion then spits out some more Pikmin for Olimar's pleasure. Once he has ammased enough servants, he commands them to move a cardboard box that blocks the way to his first part. By now, the day is done and you must return to your ship for the night. If you don't send the Pikmin home, you get to watch them get eaten as they cry out for their master, but that's ok, you can make more in the morning.

      The game continues until you have three kinds of Pikmin: red, blue, and yellow. The red are immune to fire, the blue can't drown, and the yellow can carry bombs and you can throw them further. It was at this point in the game that I realized it was about slavery. When you blow your trumpet, the Pikmin segregate themselves by color. This is handy for fighting enemies of a certain affinity. You can either send the proper Pikmin first, to win right, or use a modified "Operation Dark Sheild" by sending the wrong guys to distract the enemy. This results in enormous, yet acceptable, loses, but it's alright because the Pikmin wanted to do it for you. You are their creator, their enslaver, and their whole world. You determine who lives and who dies. Who becomes a prestigious "flower-head" and who stays a mere "bud-head." This game provides a very important plan in the case of tiny, naked, alien plant-people being discovered.

      Finally, I must address the end boss of the game. Throughout the game you fight weird two-legged ladybugs with a rather angry disposition. Despite the enjoyment they get from eating your Pikmin, or maybe because of it, they are kind of cute, in a "likes to eat my all too expendible mobile sweatshop" sort of way. The final boss is a ladybug, too, but not a cute ladybug. This guy is the sipiphylus carrying grandfather of skank. He's about 90 feet tall with a Herpes Tree growing on his back. You send your androgenous,naked slave chilren to kiss him on the cheek until he dies. If you think that sounds disturbing, wait until you see it in action. Happy Nightmares.

What I liked: It is very original. I cannot think of any game even remotely similar, except the never released "Let Your People Die: a Pharoah's Story" or maybe Madden 2002. I liked the way that you didn't need all the parts to beat it, too, though I tended to reset if I couldn't get a part on the first try. I basically just enjoyed the game as a whole. It was like candy: fun while it lasted, but no substance. The game never gets frustrating because even when you watch your slaves, who are also your friends, being mauled by the largest two-legged ladybug you've ever seen, you can't help but laugh at how ridiculous it all is. It's all so hysterical.

What I disliked: I found the game lacking in depth. While there was the whole multi-colored thing, and the slavery symbology, it left something to be desired. After the first few stages, things cruised along, not changing much. On a more serious note, I was a bit offended by the discriminatory undertones of the game: it teaches kids not to water red and yellow flowers, which is unfair. Although blue flowers are, by far, the prettiest, the others need water, too. It is cruel to let them die like that. Instead, you should salt the earth under them so nothing will ever grow again.

What to expect: A very strange game. It eases you into the action nicely, so that you don't get overwhelmed. However, after you've been introduced to the various parts of the game there is little improvement. The bosses can be fun, though often my attacks often stressed quantity over quality, losing lots of little guys each time. However, not every boss is that simple. Some bosses, stages, and ship parts do require some puzzle solving.

What not to expect: Much change over the course of the game. There are a few puzzles and, at first, you learn new things every stage. However, things slow down and usually turn into marching the right colored guys across the stage. Don't expect a developing story or ending or anything else plot related. The "story" is really just Captian Olimar crashing, enslaving an alien race, and using them to rebuild his ship.

What sets it apart: There has never been a game exactly like this before. The closest I could come up with was Lemmings or even Warcraft. The real difference though is the feel. The Pikmin don't just wander, like Lemmings, but they don't think for themselves at all, either. They are your slaves. And your friends.

Ratings On:

Control: 7 - The controls were very good, but, no matter how good they get, it is still hard to keep track of a hundred little plant people. They sure are a handful, and they get extremely frustrating.

Graphics: 7 - I was impressed. Although simplistic, the graphics and animations were smooth. There were also some good lighting effects with the passing of the day and fires.

Sound: 4 - The sound effects were all pretty silly. Though that did suit the game, after a short time they got annoying.

Style: 9 - Who would think to make a game about slaves? One heck of an idea and Nintendo pulled it off.

1st hour: 6 - Sort of cool, very simple.

2nd hour: 7 - I like it, I just wish I had more Pikmin.

5th hour: 8 - I wish there were more stages, but I have Pikmin to spare, OPERATION RED SHIELD!

10th hour: 7 - After some thought about all that has occured, I now realize that Olimar is an idiot, and this is a slavery game.

1st week: 6 - The "Breed Pikmin like Slaughter Animals" stage is kind of fun, but doesn't add much. It might be fun to go back if you managed to not get all the parts.

#1 thing I hate about this game: Olimar is an idiot.

      by Sundu