Ninja Warriors AGAIN

SNES

Taito (coded by Nasume) - 1994

Ninja Warriors . . . AGAIN!!

Me: “Wait, when were there ever Ninja Warriors in the first place?”

Taito: “Uuuuuuuuuh Robots!”

Yeah. Want a simplistic and not terribly original 2d side-scroller with cool moves and some stuff that eventually blows up? AND A MIDGET NAMED BANGLAR?!! NINJA WARRIORS . . . AGAIN!!!!

It’s a future darkened by an opressive government, brainwashing and economic ruin. The Tyrant Banglar (yes.) has seized the reins of government in his tiny midget hands and is driving everyone with him into a big fat country-sized ditch. But wait! On the horizen, a small resistance flairs brightly! Their leader, Mulk (oh yes.) envisions a brighter tomorrow, without the little pointy eared, red eyed, neon green suit wearing Banglar. He secretly bludgeons/coaxes/sexually entices/brainwashes some scientists into doing his bidding, and they begin to fashion for him 3 NINJA ASSASSIN ROBOTS!!!! (clapping) In a last ditch effort, you and your two ninja robot assassin bad-ass companions are released against Banglar’s forces to reak all out havock and bring the Evil One himself to his knees. Then maybe get oiled. Or something.

Ninja Warriors AGAIN starts by letting you choose hard or normal (the only difference is type of enemies – hard mode gives you the harder enemies faster) then allowing you to choose between three different Ninjas:

Ninja: The bruiser. What do you NOT call a huge seven foot robot with red eyes? Ninja. God he’s big. He’s the least sneakiest ninja I’ve ever seen. He’d have to have an entire stadium to hide behind. Since it’d be hard to carry a stadium around, I don’t really think he should be called “Ninja.” But I’m not the guy who made “Ninja Warriors AGAIN.”

Kunoichi: The well rounded one. (writer’s note: after having taken a semester of japanese, I can safely say the the “ichi” in her name means “one.” However, I have no idea what “kuno” means. Perhaps it means “I’ve got large knockers!” it might as well.) She’s got the best moves and her throws beat the pants off of the other two. She’s also the only one that looks remotely human.

Kamaitachi: The fast one. He’s got scythes on his arms. It’s scary. Must make it hard to get your wallet. He looks the least human. He’s like some kind of turtle/ninja/monster thingy . . . again.

After that, you’re launched straight into the game. OOOOOOOk, review.

First off: Banglar. Mulk. Ninja Robot Assassins. Sigh. Let’s move on.

This is one of those rare games that sort of lets you win to make you feel like a better human being. It’s not very hard or even very good, but There’s a feel of motion to it that gives you the impression that you’re watching a story unfold, which is rare in this particular genre. You blow shit up, you toss other robots at people, and you succeed so much it’s fun.

The controls only contribute to the effect. You’ve got all your basic jump and slash stuff, but there’s also a bunch of throws, you can walk while crouching, and you can (gasp) block. The blocking system really blows goats with leprecy, but it adds a bit to the game. It’s easy to learn and intuitive. There is also a blow shit up button (which is handy).

The fact that you have infinite continues is a blessing. There’s nothing I hate more than having to play the first few stages of any game over and over again (read: Castle of Dragon toe powersanding). The fact that you have infinite lives means that you don’t have to work on long term survival, you only have to worry about getting to the next part of the stage.

*SPOILERS*

One would think that the above features would sate the programmers, but oddly enough, the game supplies the one thing you don’t expect: a moral lesson. When you finally assassinate Banglar, Mulk takes over and becomes a bigger tyrant than Banglar. “And people sighed and said ‘history repeats itself.’”

Ninja Robot Assassins + moral lesson = hmmmmmmmm. In the end, I’m not surprised that the game would end like this. Ninja Warriors AGAIN is, after all, is a game that fits well into the stereotypical genre of “2d side-scroller,” but with a few extra twists that make it stand out. Why should the plot be any exception?

*END SPOILERS*

What liked: It’s like a well written sonnet: not innovative, but catchy. Cool moves. 3 characters are quite unique in every way. Plot twist.

What disliked: Enemies get old, plus they’re REALLY stupid. (If I saw a ninja flailing her be-knived arms at me, I certainly wouldn’t step towards them at a steady pace)

What to expect: Endless generic soldiers (white AND black!) throwing their lives away for the shortest guy ever, an ordinary game done well, a quick play, stuff that blows up.

What not to expect: A truly original game. A real Challenge, an impressive final boss.

What's different: Some interesting moves, Authentic Ninja Hair Action!, Samurai Firemen, blocking, bad ass “Mission accomplished” screen freezes where the guy you’re killing is stuck in mid air

Ratings on:

Control: 8 (It works well. Nothing really happens when it’s not supposed to. Points off for blocking.)

Graphics: 4 (Repetitive, uninteresting)

Sound: 5 (officially cheesy)

Style: 6 (Not original, but clever)

Difficulty: 3 (equivalent of a quickie)

1st hour: 7 (Again? When were there . . . well, slashie slashie!)

5th hour: 7 (I am the man. the robot man.)

#1 reason why I hate this game: The final boss is a total ripp-off from “Turtles in time,” which I think says something . . .

by Free”Mad Dog”Ohio

On a personal note, as I said in my review of Barbie Super Model: “if [Barbie] were trained to use [her hair] as a ninja weapon, then you would have a game!” Well . . . this is that game. You see, one of Kunoichi’s moves is to wrap an opponent in her hair, then throw him/her over her shoulder, effectively making it A NINJA WEAPON. I’m at a loss. I don’t know what to say. I guess that someone actually (about 8 years before I wrote the review) took my advice and made a game where barbie used her hair as a Ninja Weapon. I mean, Kunoichi COULD be a barbie clone robot . . . she’s tall, she’s blond . . . her ninja suit IS a becoming shade of red. Perhaps “kuno” means “well endowed barbie robot ninja clone.” Wheels within wheels, I say.