Max Payne

PS2

Rockstar - 2001

When GTA3 came out I got all excited about Rockstar and picked this up. At the time it seemed like a great idea. Even a few hours into the game, I felt justified in my purchase. However, by the end, I felt sort of robbed.

It starts out a little confusing. You're a cop and you come home to find your house is a mess, and the phone is ringing. You pick up the phone and learn that someone is out to get you. Now, I have to stop here. I made that part sound realy simple, but it's not. Instead of telling you to pick up the phone, the game merely gives you a single exclamation point. It looks like Max is super excited about the broken coat rack, or maybe he just had a great idea for dinner, you don't know. Meanwhile, as you wander around the entrance hall, wondering what Max's great idea was, the phone is still ringing. Eventually, you will get really mad at the phone and push the "smash to pieces" button you recently invented. Oddly, between your controller and the PS2, "smash to pieces" translates into "answer the damn thing." Upon smashing, or answering, whichever you like, you learn that your house was wrecked on purpose. Remembering that you are married, you hurry up-stairs to hear your wife screaming and your baby crying. And who's that other voice? Thugs are in the house! Uh-oh I'd better go save my dead wife and my spot of blood on the wall, er, I mean baby . . . crap. Next scene. NEXT scene.

You go on an emotional rampage and even make the news as a "vigilante cop" who killed this, that, and the other. So, it's your job to clear your name by continuing your vigilantism. The plot progresses between stages in comic book style shots of real people acting out the parts. The voice acting is done perfectly, making each line as cheesy as posssible. Throw in some apparently random references to Norse mythology, and you've got yourself a game.

What I liked: Bullet Time. It makes the game worth playing. People . . . die . . . in . . . slow . . . motion. Also, the voice overs are really funny. You can pause movies in this game, voices and all. Not only that, but you can skip movies, too. Normally, I wouldn't notice this, but I just played Tenchu where you can do neither.

What I disliked: The game as a whole. Lain says: "it's a guilty pleasure. Because other than bullet time, there's nothing that separates it." Looking back, it's really nothing more than a glorified 3rd person shooter.

What to expect: Any 3rd person shooter, except Tomb Raider, plus Matrix-esqe bullet-time. However, it will keep you entertained, despite the bland gameplay. The comic sequences and voice-overs are just too funny.

What not to expect: A real page-turner. The plot is good enough, though I never cared that much. Also, don't plan on bullet-timing your way through the whole game. It's not that it gets old, it just gets impractical. Ari and I often found ourselves winning only when we stopped diving around everywhere.

What sets it apart from the genre: Bullet time.

Ratings on:

Controls: 7 - About as good as they can be. But the two analogues will always take practice. Sometimes it's just hard to remember what each button does.

Graphics: 7 - Not mouth-watering, but they do their job well.

Sound: 6 - Voice overs are hilarious. Everything else is pretty average.

Style: 6 - The satirical tone and the bullet time really add to the overall experience. But the overall experience is not that great.

1st hour: 6 - Getting used to the controls. It's already really funny.

5th hour: 8 - Running smoothly, d i v i n g . . . s l o w l y.

10th hour: 6 - The baby is crying, a lot. Phone's ringing! I hate this game.

1st week: 6 - Still funny, but more fun to watch than play.

2nd week: 5 - Some replay value, but, by now, you've seen the game for what it really is.

#1 thing I hate about this game: The second baby crying, running on blood, falling and screaming stage.

But wait, before I send you on your way I have to explain this. This game has the worst stage ever invented, twice. The stage is actually a drug induced dream sequence about your family being killed. You start in your house, however, as you run down the hall to the bedroom, the hall extends (and looks cool as bot). Then other hallways branch off, creating a maze to get through. The whole time, your baby is crying and your wife is screaming for help. Just imagine it: Ok, I just run down the hallw- whoa. Hey! come back here, door. AH! which way do I go. "Waaaahhh!" Maybe left? "Please, help me!" Ok, now right. "Wa- Wa- WAAAHH!" Damn, I think I've been here. "Help me, HELP, MAX!" Coming, Honey. Maybe it was right then straight. "WAAAAH!" "HELP ME!"

After that you think you're in the clear, but no. Rockstar has devised an even more horrible trial. As you run down the final hallway, it suddenly ends. On the floor, there is a spot of blood with a trail of blood or intestines leading into oblivion. With no other options, you venture out onto this bloody path, wandering, baby and wife screaming, into complete darkness. Every once in a while, the path will end, but, looking carefully, you will find another within jumping distance. So you jump. But, the really funny thing is that the path you chose may be the wrong one. That's right, you didn't notice the other ways you could have turned. As if this weren't bad enough. Every time you fall off. Max let's out this slow scream as he drops into the void. To top it all off, the second time you play, it is in slow motion.

Sundu hates babies!