Super Mario Brothers 3

Nintendo ???

Right. Mario 3. What to say about it. Everyone in the world loves this game. More people have bonded over it than Tony Hawk 1, 2, and 3. And that is saying a lot. For if there is any game ever made that could bring the world together, it would be this game. But if you look, the world is still a very cruel place. So sit back in your chair, lock your doors, and pull out your ol' NES and play some more Mario 3 instead of going outside into the cruel cruel world that it is. After all, you don't want to go and get skin cancer from the sun, burnt from the acid rain, or have a nuclear bomb dropped on your car as you drive to the mall. There is only one place to run to get away from it all. And we in the videogame business like to call that place "Mario-Land."

So let's take a look. Where did Mario 3 go wrong? To answer that question, first we must provide the basic explainations of where Mario came from, and why. Mario was first invented in April 1977 by the now famous Shigeru Miyamoto. While some have heard that he based Mario after an Italian Man who lived nearbye, also called Mario, this is untrue. Others have said that Mario was based after Joseph Stalin as a communist attempt to brainwash children. This, although more plausible, is also incorrect. The truth is much, much more sinister than this.

Originally, Mario was created not by Shigeru Miyamoto as I originally stated. Miyamoto just took claim for it. In actuality, the concept of Mario was created by an alien named Zorbetqnon from the planet Xorn. Whoa. An alien you are saying. Are you some kind of nut? No, stay with me for a minute. This alien crashed his spaceship onto our planet back in the 60's. He landed in Brooklyn though. Funny story. He first saw an italian plumber, and so thought that all the species of humanity looked like this guy. Zorbetqnon was gifted, like all his kind, with the ability to change shape. He did so, of course, to fit in with his surroundings and so look "normal," per say. Well, to make a long story short, (too late!) Zorbetqnon wanted to see all the different places throughout the world, and traveled to Japan, where he happened to run low on cash. During this time he had come to fit in well with humanity. But in Japan, low on cash, he ran into a college student looking for a roommate. Well, since the rent was cheap, Zorbetqnon, or Mario as he was now calling himself, decided to share this apartment with this college student, also known to many as Shigeru Miyamoto. Well, just like any good sitcom, Miyamoto walked into the bathroom while "Mario" was in the shower, and well, found out about his little "secret." Zorbetqnon informed him about all that had happened to him, and well, Miyamoto found this very interesting. He found this so interesting in fact, that when he got out of college and started working as a videogame designer, he couldn't get Zorbetqnon's story out of his head. Since Italien plumbers were relatively unheard of in Japan, and the Japanese love really strange things, this whole "Mario" idea was great for a video game. Afterall, who would want to play a game where you control some cute little animal like a hedgehog when you can control a fat italian plumber.

You may be asking where all the mushroom, flying turtles, goombas (whatever they are) and a princess came from? Well, Miyamoto was a college student. What do college kids like... Oh yeah. Crack. I hope that explains the rest.

Right. So after Mario Bros. received such a great success over in Japan, the Japanese government hired Miyamoto. They realized that he had a talent for bringing people together to bond over something as measly as a videogame. The government wanted to know what this "secret weapon" was that did this. Miyamoto said he thought it was Mario. Everyone loves fat Italian plumbers. So the government got him working on a top-secret project to "bond the world together in a great fluffy happiness bubble." (They were fans of Sailor Moon.) Ultimately their plan was to take over the world while everyone and their grandmothers were enjoying Mario together. But Miyamoto learned of their plans and knew that he had to stop it. So while designing Mario 2, which we in America call the "Lost Levels," he threw in too many really really hard stages. This made the American branch of Nintendo feel that it was too hard for American gamers. This wouldn't do, for to take over the world, America had to be totally enfatuated with Mario. They needed a new Mario game. Miyamoto took a really crappy game called Doki Doki Panic that a friend was making, and changed the characters to be Mario characters. But it was too much of a change, so it didn't do what the Japanese Government wanted.

Miyamoto was then forced to make the perfect "BWTGFHB" (see above) game. So he made Mario 3. The government made sure it would make it to America by making sure he made it easier. But being the smart, smart man he is, he also threw in something extra. At the end of every stage, he had Mario infiltrate and destroy a "Flying Airship." Hmm. Think about it. While playing Mario, he trained the world to be able to infiltrate and destroy any sort of invasion Japan planned. Whether by land, sea or air, we all know now how to infiltrate and destroy. All thanks to Miyamoto. The Japanese Government didn't catch this until too late, when it was already being shipped. Their plan was foiled and they gave up the invasion. Miyamoto was an unknown hero.

That about covers the true history behind the Mario games. Now you know. And knowing is half the battle.

Now onto the review of Mario 3 as a game.

What liked: Wow, this game is amazing! Still the same skill jumps and split-second timing that made Mario 1 such a great game, but with many different costumes! With 8 hub worlds and around 6 to 10 levels on each, a lot of boards to play. The game, for it's time, also had incredible graphics. This is the game that made The Wizard, the movie, so famous. They give you hub-worlds, as I have mentioned, to go and choose your next stage! That's a first for Mario. Another thing is the many forms Mario takes in this one. Let's see,

Normal - normal, little Mario.

Super - Makes you bigger, duh.

Fire - Shoot fireballs, two at a time

Raccoon - Can hover and if you get your speed bar up, can fly for a bit.

Frog - Can swim in water really well. Great control in water.

Hammer Bros. Suit - you can throw hammers and are impervious to fire

Invincibility - first 7 seconds of the stage you are invincible

P-Wings - unlimited flying in one stage

Hammers - Break a brick on the overworld

Clouds - Skip a stage

Music boxes - Put a hammer bros to sleep so you can skip them.

Big raccoon suit - Turns you to stone when you press down so enemies can't hurt you. What the?

Well, Mario has always been on crack though, so we will skip that. Another thing is the loads and loads of secrets. Secrets you say? Like cheat coads and the like? Nope. Like getting the wistles, the coin ships, and white mushroom houses.

What disliked: Hmm, let's see... I'm going to have to go with the fact that you can't redo a level after you beat it, and you can't go back to the previous world after you beat it and moved on to the next. But the sequel, Mario World fixed that problem, so I'm not complaining that much. I'm happy that they let you choose the level though. One thing, a small one as well, is that with all these extra "stuff" Mario has, it means that the game is that much easier than previous marios, where you didn't get "hovering" abilities, like the raccoon suit that helps you land on small bricks and the like easier. But you know, I'm ok with it, because if I want "hard" Mario, I'll just put in the Lost Levels and beat them again. heh. You also can't save your progress which would be nice, but with the whistles, who cares that much?

What to expect: The same insane jumping as in Mario 1, but with more tricks, and so, a bit easier. Lots of levels, and worlds with different themes.

World 1 -Normal land

World 2 -Desert land

World 3 -Water land

World 4 -Big World

World 5 -Cloud land

World 6 -Ice land

World 7 -Pipe land

World 8 -Boswer's Dark world

What not to expect: Yoshi, Sonic, I dunno. It's classic Mario. Everyone and their grandmother loves this game.

What's different from the previous game: I'm sure I said this already but let me reiterate. Worlds where you choose, up to a point, the next level to play. Many suits to choose from. new enemies, new levels. Isn't that enough?

Ratings on:

Control - 9 Golly, isn't Mario perfect with controls too? run and jump. That's all you need.

Graphics - 7 Well, it is hard to judge while I have a Gamecube next to it, but I remember them being great at the time. Although it seems some of the enemies and such look re-used from Mario 1.

Sound - 6 Never loved videogame music, but who can forget the great Mario tunes? They are still there, with new ones too boot.

Style - 10 Very revolutionary at the time, and sparked a whole movie, the Wizard. That is style!

Ratings on:

1st hour - 9 (Having a ball, on the first level, and second.)

5th hour - 6 (I've gotten angry at a level that I can't beat.)

1st week - 8 (Got past that level and can do it first try now.)

2nd week - 9 (Found the whistles! I can get to any level I want quick now!)

1st month - 8 (Ok, yeah I beat it a while back, but now I'm pulling it out to play again. It's that much fun!)

#1 reason why I hate this game: The flying ship level in Bowser's World 8. I still for the life of me can't beat it. I have to use a p-wing every time. Sad but true.

Bet you see this a lot and This too!

Hawke just wants you to know that he can beat Mario 3 in 15 minutes. Just wanted to brag, that's all.