The Lord of the Rings Vol 1

Interplay - early days of SNES

To review this game, I will need the reader's participation at full. So pay attention on this one. First off, please picture everything that made you love the Lord of the Rings, the books. Or the movie, now that it is out as well. You got all that? The great Gandalf, the suspense as the Ringwraiths chase the "gang," aka Frodo, Merry, Pippin and of course Samwise through Hobbiton on down to Bree. The complete cool-factor that Stider adds to the gang. Even the song at Bree. Now remember how you always pictured Rivendell, with it's beautiful waterfalls and gorgeous hills. Remember all that? Contimplate on the shear marvel as the council of Rivendell comes together, and stare at the high prince of Gondor, Boromir, and the son of the great Gloin, Gimli. Lastly, ponder what exactly is going through the marvelous Legolas' head, a skull that is entirely ancient and has lived far longer than any of the other members of the fellowship, with of course Gandalf as the exception.

Now you are saying, "Wait, I've never read the Lord of the Rings. I don't remember any of this." And I reply, "Stop reading this. Go to your local bookstore, buy a copy, read them, then come back and finish this review. NOW!" To which you promply follow my orders.

Ok, now I can assume you have finished reading the books. Good job. Liked them? So did I. I've read them 19 times. They are my obsession if you will. So now you are thinking, "Man, this guy is going to be completely biased. If he loves Tolkien's stuff that much, he HAS to love this game."

Now, time for the stumper. As stated in the earlier paragraph, what was your completely favorite thing about the Lord of the Rings? Let us stick with the Fellowship of the Ring at this point, since that is all the game supposedly covers. Got it in your little noggin? Ok, well wrap it up in tin foil and flush it down your crapper, 'cause you won't find it in this game. There. If that language is too mysterious for you, I'll put it in layman's terms. IT SUXS. Whew, that wasn't too hard.

Now why does it sux so much you are asking. Is it because I expected too much from the game, since I am such a die-hard Tolkien freak? Nope. For many reasons this game is not up to par. And they follow, in easy to read paragraphs.

What liked: This game presents the idea of being able to play with 9 people, one for each character in the fellowship. While this seems like a crazy cool idea, it isn't. For many reasons. 1: I couldn't find anyone who would play with me. 2: I don't own 2 multitaps. 3: Someone would always walk around into the wrong frames, bringing the whole party to the wrong place every time, which resets the enemies.

What hated: Simple. Everything. While the characters were their, their sprites were terrible. It didn't follow the plot very well. You start out having to explore a dungeon in the Shire so you can unlock the door to actually start the quest you are supposed to have already started. In this dungeon you find insanely strong monsters, like bats and goblins, who are able to kill you so quickly, 'cause your sprite doesn't move correctly when you tell it to. And you don't get many healing items. And the other characters, when not being controlled by another human, which is frequent for no one really wants to play this game, are killed sooo fast, and there is no way to bring them back. Oh, yes, and pulling up the menu takes about a year, and loading screens from one area to another takes even longer. I thought my game had frozen and was borken the first times. After that I stayed in one area for fear of having to sit and stare at a black screen for forever.

What to expect: A crappy game. Not following the storyline very well. When you finally get out of the Shire, you run into a road where 9 black riders ambush you and you die automatically. I don't know what to do, and have never known. That is when I finally gave up on the game.

What not to expect: Any shred of dignity for playing this game. Nothing else. A knowledge of what a bad RPG could look like.

Reviews on:

1st hour: 3 - At least you do get to play as Frodo, and meet Sam, Merry and Pippin.

2nd hour: 1 - Man, you are only playing this game if you are as diehard of a Tolkien fan as I am. And then, good luck to you.

1st week: 0 - Quit. Quit now I tell you! Go play Mario, Sonic, Final Fantasy, anything to remind yourself there are good games out there somewhere! For the love of anything that is good, please stop I beg of you!

The #1 reason why I hated this game: There were supposed to be 2 sequels! Ewww!

Hawke wants a good Tolkien game. That would make him happy. He had made one himself, until his computer crashed. Sniff. Poor Hawke.