Gauntlet Legends

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Gauntlet Legends, how do I hate thee? Let me count the ways.

This is one of the few games in the last few years that revels in simplicity. Instead of inventing more psychotic, finger-contorting button combinations and complicated gameplay it tries to build an engaging gaming environment with minimal structure. Unfortunately, it fails miserably.

First, this game don't give you any cool moves. All you can do is run and shoot, which would be fine if the enemies were unique and challenging. But the enemies in GL are dumb. They look tough, but they'd be a lot more menacing if they weren't all just marching single file into your line of projectiles. Let's face it: in real life, mountain trolls don't attack the same way as cave demons or swamp monsters, and each of them has a weakness against different colors of magic. To me, these things are obvious, but it seems Midway's game developers don't have my grounded sense of reality. So you end up stuck in a level filled with stupid, uninteresting enemies, which is almost as bad as being stuck in a level completely devoid of enemies after you destroy the generators, searching for hours for a switch behind some obscure break-away wall. Points docked for boring, repetitive gameplay.

I can almost find some redeeming quality in the 4-player capability. I love playing with friends, but hate squinting into my tiny quarter of the screen, so I appreciate the value of a social game where we share the full screen. But the social factor takes a nose dive when it comes time to share power-ups and bonuses between players, because I'm always the guy standing and massacring enemies while the jerks I once called friends are grabbing all the treasure. Points docked for hatemonging.

And then there's the unforgivable camerawork. This, more than any other element, ruins the game. I don't know why the camera can't simply follow the player. I don't know why the player can't control the angle. All I know is I'm sick of stepping on traps because my character can see 180' behind him but can't see the ground at his feet. I'm sick of killing a roomful of bad guys before I get to see what they look like. And I'm sick of losing health eating the fruit of death because I can't tell what just popped out of the treasure chest. Points docked for keeping the player from seeing what's going on.

Finally, why does the announcer have to teach me about the game every time I start it up? Anyone smart enough to operate a game controller knows that food heals a wounded character. And if I've button-mashed my way to level 99, I probably don't need to hear it again. Points docked for irritating condescention.

All in all, this is a game fatally faithful to the original. While many franchises have updated gameplay to the more engaging, dynamic experience possible with today's systems, Gauntlet Legends has stepped back into mindless button-mashing and one-dimensional design, putting a next-gen costume on an obsolete game structure.

What I liked: You can play as a jester. Woo hoo.

What I disliked: Stupid enemies, bad level design, horrible camerawork, etc.

What to expect: A worthless experience that has you running around doing the same thing, eating up your time, sucking away your life and leaving you feeling totally unfulfilled. If you like this game, you should meet my ex-girlfriend.

What not to expect: Any gaming depth or virtue

Ratings on:

Controls: 9 It'd be really tough to mess this one up, with 8 directions, 5 moves and no jumping

Graphics: 8 Levels are nicely built. Sprites are a good combination of cartoony and realistic.

Sound: 6 The music is nice. But then again, I'd be having a better time listening to the radio and playing solitaire.

Style: 1 Not bad for a dull, repetitive, button masher lacking in redeeming design features.

1st hour: 9 "What a great game. I got acid breath and turned all the bad guys into midgets. Ha ha."

2nd hour: 5 "These enemies are still just walking at me... and where's that hidden switch?";

5th hour: 2 "This sucks! Where's the damn switch already!?"

2nd day: 1 "I don't care about that switch. I'm just gonna go back to the tower and hang out with the sorceror."

2nd week: "Try the level again? Sheesh... OK..."

3rd week: n/a

By Master Duck