Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest

SNES

Squaresoft - 1992

So right now you are wondering, "Hawke, what are your insanely creative views of the miserable game that almost ruined the terror that is Final Fantasy?" And also, "Can you put it in imaginatively detailed and remarkably cynical, yet strangely humorous sentence fragments?" First let us ponder on the latter of the two questions you, the reader, have thought about in your head, and somehow I was able to know. (Kinda makes you wonder doesn't it?)

So, can I tell you about Final Fantasy Mystic Quest with, and I quote, "Imaginatively detailed and remarkably cynical, yet strangely humorous sentence fragments?" The answer to this my dears is "NO." That, my friends, is Evil X's job.

But about Final Fantasy Mystic Quest itself. I personally don't know too much about the game, seeming as I own a copy of the game, but the copy is so screwed up only the game's title appears, and after a while, some cut-scenes from the game. If you apply pressure of any kind, either from a thumb, preferably yours, or a Styracosaurus', the game freezes up. Fun prank, whoever did this to my copy. I know where you like, and I am coming to your house right now to kill you!

Now then, enough about that. While I have never actually played this game, I still feel that I can give a good review of it, so here goes.

What liked: The opening screen starts with a 'Q' spining onto the screen from what is seemingly in front of the TV, or where you, or I are/am playing. While this is a "cool" effect, it fails to make much sense, for I personally never saw the 'Q' in question fly into the TV screen from my room. And last time I checked, nothing in my room has the letter 'Q' in it for this 'Q' to leave from and fly onto the screen.

What disliked: Well, in an artistic point of view, there is too much black on the screen, but I think it flows enough to not bother too many people, so we won't worry too much about that.

What to expect: A gem appearing onto the screen, then 4 other gems jumping out from what is seemingly behind it, doing a jig while flashing (no not exposing their private areas flashing, shining with light flashing), then one dot from each gem floats above it, and sparkles.

What not to expect: A working copy of Final Fantasy: Mystic Quest.

What's so different from this and other games of it's genre: Most games actually have a part to them where you can control something with a controller. This game, on the other hand, started Squaresoft's magic trek into the world of cutscenes and anti-audience participation in videogames.

Ratings on:

Control: n/a - No control needed in this game. Square's attempt at a seemlessly plays for itself rpg, I guess.

Graphics: 7 - The crystals sparkle. Oh how they flash and shine. Wait, all it is doing is rapidly flipping from a lighter color gem to a darker one. Nevermind, give it a 1.

Sound: 5 - It is quite the merry jig that you expected from a Final Fantasy. Especially one made back in '92. I woulda liked a few more songs though. After playing for 50 hours, one song gets rather boring.

Style: 10 - Ten you say? Why? For I believe that, while this is supposed to be the "easy" rpg for American Audiences, Square took some extra time to make it especially easy, as in, so easy you don't ever have to play it. This would also therefor be Square's first in the long line of "Plays themselves" RPG's, and actually plays itself more than 7, 8, 9, or even 10.

1st hour: 8 - Wow, look at those crystals shine!

5th hour: 4 - Wait, do I get to play ever?

1st week: 8 - I guess not. Oh well. Time to watch the gems shine.

5th week: 10 - Flash me again Crystals!

#1 reason why I hate this game: 5 gems isn't enough for me. Call my picky if you will, but I just wanted more crystals. Maybe in the sequel.

by Hawke