Tecmo/Team Ninja - 2002

      I'm sure that, if I tried, I could think of some really funny stuff to say about this game, but that would require effort and, frankly, I've wasted too much of that already. Originally I wanted to rent this, but blockbuster seems to enjoy renting out games for about 2 weeks (no, really, we called) so I just read the reviews. Oddly, they all said it was good without blatantly saying the girls were really hot. So ManDown conned me into buying it, for which he has been condemned to an eternity of eating Twizzlers and playing Valkyrie Profile.

      The controls are really simple, "B" passes to your teammate and "A" hits it over the net. Your character even goes up for spikes automatically. YOu can move your partner but it will only make her worse. You may be asking what this leaves for the gamer to do. Well, not much. Though I did notice this game is suspiciously easy to play with only one hand. What you do with the other is totally up to you: Maybe make a sandwich, have a drink, club a seal, spank- uhh, whatever you want to.

      There is a lot to do off the court, though. You have to find a partner by giving them gifts which relate to their hobbies or favorite colors. Generally, though, you just give them bathing suits you want to see them wear. You can also gamble and sunbathe. There is even a little mini-game where you jump on floats in the pool.

What I liked: The girls are hot and the controls are simple. You can use your own music.

What I disliked: That I owned it. Also, I didn't like the "dating sim," collecting stuff, and the pointlessness, which is pretty much the whole game. The real problem is that the volleyball is the the smallest part of the game and you don't really do much when you do play.

What to expect: Hot girls, simple gameplay, lots of collecting, and a little dating.

What not to expect: A good reason to play single player. Fancy moves or techniques.

What sets it apart from the genre: It's the DOA girls.

Ratings on:

Controls: 9 - Its just hard to tell how much you are actually controlling things.

Graphics: 10 - Amazing. It looks real. Even getting past how attractive the girls are, they move very realistically. The animations for diving and rolling are flawless.

Sound: 2 - Ow. One word for you: B*witched. Luckily, you can put your own music in, but I rated it as it was.

Style: 2 - It seems like there should be some style in there somewhere, but I can't find it. Well, it is the only volleyball/gambling/dating/shopping game around. At least it doesn't take itself seriously.

30 minutes: 9 - Mmmm, Christie.

1st hour: 9 - Mmmm, Lei Fang.

3rd hour: 7 - Uhhh, Hitomi?

2nd day: 4 - I hate this game.

3rd day: 2 - I hate myself for owning this game.

#1 thing I hate about this game: It tricked reviewers into tricking me into thinking that it was good.

      Sundu no longer owns this game.