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Breakout Game 1Ow. Remember pong? Well this is about 1.3 times better. That's just because you don't need a friend to play with: you can hate this by yourself. Spend countless minutes breakout masturbating. This may actually be a metaphor for masturbating. I mean, think about it, "Breakout." Game 2:This is kind of fun in a freaky way. It's like game one, but your paddle and ball have a psychic link. Tragically, they are both retarded (not Down's Syndrome) so it doesn't work quite right. The only attraction is the ball having a seizure. Game 3:Breakout for Dummies! You can catch the ball so the fun NEVER ends. For those who can't let go. It makes gameplay move just a bit slower so all of our retarded monkey friends who can't normally comprehend breakout can play. Game 4: juuuuuust like the other games except the blocks are . . . invisible. At least they are until you manage to hit one, then they become visible for the amount of time it takes to say "Boop!" which means: "hey, those blocks aren't invisible!" 'cause that's pretty much all that happens. This version, unlike the others, is more likely to give YOU a seizure from all of the flashing of blocks that occurs. The seizures will, consequently, make you retarded, so you can play game three and enjoy it FOR-E-VER! FOR-E-VER!! Game 5: A timed version. Apparently you play for speed, but we can't really tell because Sundu almost expectorated upon and defenstrated the atari after about 30 seconds of gameplay. He subsequently sat upon the floor babbling about how passing a kidney stone now seemed so much more pleasant. Do not attempt after ingestion of medication. Free Ohio is now playing because Sundu has had a seizure and a kidney stone. Game 6: We hope you enjoyed Game 2 because this is it. However, to increase the exitement this one is timed. It's like they smashed Games 2 and 5 together, picked up the pieces and crapped on them. Game 7:See above, but replace 2 with 3. Game 8:While they were splicing genes, they finished it off with a timed Game 4. Now you see who gets epilepsy first. Breakthrough Game 9:playing this verison is like saying "Everything sure looks normal. HOMICIDAL GANDHI WITH A FLAME THROWER! WHAT JUST HAPPENED?" We'll explain. Instead of bouncing back, the ball "breaks through" the blocks. Uhhhhh . . . Sundu is now playing because Free Ohio was assaulted by a retarded monkey who was frustrated with games 1-8. Game 10:Breakthrough with the psychic retarded wiggly link. if you hit a certain number of bricks, you paddle gets smaller! HAVING FUN YET?!!! OH BABY!!! Game 11: Breakthru for dummies. Except dummies would get so pissed that their IQ would drop to 177 and they'd all simultaneously club the same baby seal! Not for the weak of heart. Game 12: If game 4 was like "beep boop," then this game is like "beebooppeibiiboobEEEP!!" which, in atari, means "DIE EPILEPTIC!!! I WISH TO DANCE IN YOUR BLOOOOOOD!!!!" That or "Fetch me a clown hat." the translation is unclear. |
