I think the best way to wrap your mind around “Bad Dudes” is to see the intro. It's on the left. That's it.

This monologue is delivered by a man in sunglasses. (The sunglasses and the inclusion of the word “dude” indicate that he is an authority on president-ninja kidnapping relations.) This is why this man has decided to send 2 guys, 2 completely unarmed guys, against a Legion of highly trained yet extremely killable ninjas to save the leader of the free world.

“Golly gee Mr. Freeohio! What if the success of games like Double Dragon prompted a wave of blatantly half-assed ripoffs eager to cash in on the success of their predecessors but unwilling to put any large amount of effort forward?”

“Ninjas, Timmy. Ninjas.”

Bad Dudes somewhat resembles Double Dragon in too many ways. Two guys dressed slightly diffrently take to the streets with only their fists and beat up an assortment of people, sometimes with weapons. Bad Dudes is different because of the spelling. That and the graphics suck. Man do they suck. Suck suck suck. That and double dragon was fun.

Note the Ninjas. Ok, so so far we have 2 guys with so much muscle they cannot possibly walk through a door, an opening monologue which is testosterone personafied, a suicidal kung-fu mission, and ninjas. It is painfully obvious that the idea for Bad Dudes was conceived by a somewhat bald 43 year old executive while watching G.I. Joe reruns and poring over marketing reports that indicate “What kids like,” only mildly intoxicated.

All in all, I’d say Bad Dudes was a game created entirely to make money. It wasn’t terribly successful and quickly became just another game to collect dust in some box in the attic, stuck between Bugs Bunny’s Crazy Castle and Mega Man V.

What liked: Not a whole lot.

What disliked: Man, I HATE it when the president gets kidnapped by Ninjas.

What to expect: Ninjas. Everywhere. Every single enemy is some variation of ninja. Except when they’re samurai.

What not to expect: originality.

What's so different from this and other games of it's genre: At the end of every level . . . you flex. You can also punch and walk simultaneously.

Ratings on:

Control: 3 (Avoiding and killing enemies is practically impossible to achieve on a regular basis, although ancient legends speak of a way . . .)

Graphics: 2 (chunky, garish, pale)

Sound: 2 (Unpleasant, sometimes shocking and sudden.)

Style: 2 (Like Double Dragon, but with a few slight differences.)

Difficulty: 5 (It’s not easy.)

after Intro: 3 (Ninjas? President? Wait wait – isn’t there anything else?!)

1st hour: 3 (I loathe you Ninjas!)

3rd hour: 3 (attack my pets!)

1st week: 2 (Sigh. I give up.)

#1 reason why I hate this game: They’re ALL ninjas. Where do they get all these ninjas? they must be on sale . . .

by Freeohio, who must admit that he likes Kabuki Poses and Gundam Wing.