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Abadox – The Deadly Inner War NES Milton Bradley – 1989 In the deadly year of 5012, a giant cytoplasmic creature appears near your home planet, Abadox. It’s called “Parasitis.” I dare you to guess what it does. When it totally eats your home planet, a space station and some hot chick, it creates a bunch of mutant henchthings that guard its innards. You are Second Lieutenant Nazal of the World Alive Force (WAF if you will). You were unable to join in the earlier fighting because of a . . .uh, faulty energy drive (porn) but you totally wanna save the hot chick that the planet devouring mutant thing ate and get with her. Oh yeah, and avenge the planet and an entire race of people blah blah blah. Even though you have a ship, you decide that it would be much better to try to kill Parasitis with your space suit. This is the stuff that B movies are made of. It’s even got a hot chick and a mutant. Planet. Whatever. Look, the point is you’re a single guy and you have to go all Death Star on Parasitis by flying down its throat and blowing shit up in an all inclusive way. It’s pretty much like any side scrolling shooter – you fly, you collect powerups to improve your longevity, defense, firepower, etc., all facing the same exact direction. The only difference is the fact that you are attacked by flying body parts. One of the bosses looked like an appendix. I have one real problem with the game. Not the plot – that’s just silly. The graphics can be a little glitchy and flashy and the game slows down every once in a while, but that’s nothing new with NES games. What really bugs me is the difficulty. It’s not that it’s hard, it’s that the difficulty depends on your weapons. when you’ve got nothing except your standard issue rifle o’ crap, the game is unbelievably hard. When You’ve got missles, a laser, 4 orbiting shields and 3 powerups, you can just sit in the corner and let your weapons do the smiting. This usually means that you spend 40 minutes amassing a huge aresenal, 3 minutes shooting like a guy with Seven Y chormosomes and 10 minutes crying because you got hit with a stray bullet. It makes the whole experience extremely uneven and prozac dependant. Of course, this too is nothing new. Sigh. So why play Abadox? That’s easy. For the chance to blow up floating eyeballs. What liked: It’s got a surreal sort of sensibility to it. A really gross one. What disliked: biiiiig weapon curve, skull thingies of death What to expect: Learning exactly where every blue scorpion, eye, sea cucumber and medula oblongada are What not to expect: A quick game What's so different from this and other games of it's genre: body parts. ‘nuff said. Come to think of it, that’s about it. Ratings on: Control: 7 (a bit touchy.) Graphics: 7 (is that . . . yup, that’s a tapeworm.) Sound: 5 (passable) Style: 3 (Airwolf + body parts = Abadox) Difficulty: 9 (never would’ve beaten it if it weren’t for cheating. Mmmmmmm cheating.) 1st 30 seconds: 1 (uh. ew.) 1st hour: 5 (I’ll beat the 1st stage aaaany minute now.) 3rd hour 4 (aaaaany minute.) 5th hour: 6 (It’ so much better now that I’ve decided to cheat.) #1 reason why I hate this game: I AM GOOOOOOD. I AM GOOOOOOD (boom) NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO . . . |
