October Part I
10-1-02 & 10-2-02
That's Gratitude for Ya!
I awoke and discovered as I got ready for school, that I had quite a few homework assignments due Tuesday that I had completely neglected. I was so certain the procrastination monster was going to pound me to powder. So I went to school and (surprisingly) got there a half hour early. I used this time to compose my euthanasia essay for psych, then headed to my 2-D computer graphics class where I had a quiz which I did well on. Then I worked on my atom project (drew a monkey) and met a guy named Manny (Mannie?) who talked a lot. I think that my mentioning that I didn't like swearing had a negative impact on my first impression in his eyes, but I don't really care. If he's going to take it the wrong way (that I HATE people who swear), then he's one of those people who jumps to the worst possible conclusion and I don't appreciate that anyway. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Otherwise he seemed like a really nice guy. Then I went to psych and found out that I didn't have to type out an essay anyway - I was just supposed to think about it for discussion. It helped, though, that I'd written an essay because I was better able to voice my opinion to the class and describe - without too much stuttering - my 'downward spiral' theory. Then I ate lunch and sat with two teachers and listened to my Pro Skills Development teacher talk about her daughter who has had several chances to do grand things around the world as a scientist.
So then I went to email my HTML project to my instructor before class started and returned to find Bing afterwards. We went to class and I helped him walk around. The hardest part was letting him back down into his wheelchair because I couldn't quite keep him from falling into it. I walked him two more times after that though, and the third time I started to get a handle on it. The guy only weighs a hundred pounds, but that's still heavy for someone like me. We are going to start our bible study Thursday night and he'll drive me home so I don't have to leave early to catch the bus.
Yesterday, though, I had to catch the bus home. At the mall I met this interesting guy who showed me the new clothes he'd bought at the mall - including boxers. We both were headed north so he sat next to me on the bus. I found out that his name is James and he lived in India until he was nine years old and moved here. He says his sister is a Mormon and he tries to avoid her because she keeps trying to force him to go to her church and he doesn't want to go to her church because he doesn't believe what they teach. Then the bus driver said something about all passengers who want to continue north will have to find another way because there was a detour. I didn't quite hear him because we were pretty far in the back and James was talking about his new expensive ties, so I asked James what he said. James quickly stood and said, "I will go find out!" And ran down to talk extensively with the driver. He ran back and forth between us asking for and confirming information. I finally just moved up there and we all decided that I should stay on the bus and catch the Yellow line at ASU. James stayed with me the entire time trying to do everything and anything for me. He looked at maps for me, he asked people about the buses and the schedules, he asked me if I wanted something to drink from the store across the road. When buses came, he would ask if they were the Yellow line even when it was pretty obvious they weren't. He was a helpful person, though a little over-protective and paranoid about walking in Phoenix alone (even in the mall). He asked for my number or email so I gave him my email, thinking I can just block him if I need to.
I found out that the reason for all the detours was that the old flour mill was on fire and it was out of control. Several major streets were closed off and all the buses were going crazy. The lady driving assured me, however, that she WOULD get me to my destination somehow. She did and I thanked her and rode home on my flat tire.
At home I met Jeanie and Jasper and she waved me into her apartment and told me that the nutty neighbor was video taping her cat and that it was harassment. I encouraged her to speak to the office because I don't want anything more to happen to Jasper, and Jeanie says that it is because of him that she won't be renewing her lease. I'd like her to stick around, and if he's really that awful, the office should know that they have a bad tenant who is spooking off other good tenants.
This morning I woke up two hours early and realized that I'd forgotten to pay my rent yesterday. I felt really dreadful because I knew that I'd either have to pay a fine or use my one get-out-of-late-rent-free card. I was going to use the card, but then my landlady convinced me to "save it for a rainy day" and pay the one-day fine for now. I sort of regret it, but perhaps around Christmas I will end up using it - like if I'm late getting home from Montana! (grin)
So I made banana bread and burnt it (again) which was stupid because I should have known by now that the oven wrack is too low. I ended up walking to work because I cannot get my tire to air up and it is just shredding the rubber seal in my bike pump nozzle. It was a cool day today - it felt so good! It must have been in the 80's or low 90's. And a cool breeze is such a relief after months of oven-blasting heat waves. I ate salad on my break like a good girl and then talked to the Shadow when he arrived. Monday I had casually asked him about whether he ever used to put the chairs up to mop and he said "no", but today he was putting them up on the tables. I asked him about it and he said that Fred had directed him to start doing it that way Tuesday evening (the day I was at school). I was very surprised and said "Wow - that's odd since we were just talking about it Monday..." and he said "Yeah, well I thought you might have had something to do with it..." and I was quick to say that indeed that was not the case at all. I had not ever spoken to Fred or anyone but him about stacking the chairs for mopping. It was a very strange coincidence. I felt somehow resposible though, even though I had nothing to do with it.
I told the Shadow about the weird neighbor harassing Jeanie's cat and he told me about how he had a cat named Samsonite, but he vanished about a month ago. He says he misses his cat and still hopes he'll come home. He doesn't think he got hit by a car because he didn't see him on any roadside. He is thinking that maybe a dog got him or the pound. I asked if he had checked any pounds or shelters and he said no, so I said I'd mention it to Jeanie since she volunteers at a shelter and that he should bring a picture in the off chance that she might recognize the cat when I show her. It's not probable, but it doesn't hurt to inquire.
So then he drove me home and we talked about family. I told him about my bike and asked if he'd look at it. He said he would, but then when he did he didn't know what to do either so he just offered to lend me his own bike until I could get mine fixed. I thought that was awfully nice, but kind of a hassle. We agreed then, that if I didn't get mine fixed after this week, he'd lend his to me. I offered him burnt banana bread and he accepted, descretely avoiding the blackened crust. We sat and talked more about ceramics and I showed him a few of the things I've made, and then he left.
I turned on my computer and started arguing with this pesky guy I have yet to boot out of my club for insubordination. I tried to reason with him, but he's an unreasonable high school punk. I will deal with him later. Now it is off to bed with me since I stayed up drawing and typing until 3:30 a.m. and I have school tomorrow. Goodnight.
10-6-02
Ashamed and Apalled
Five days...wow. And I have so much to say! But no time to say it...We did the bible study, Jeanie and I watched a movie and ordered pizza together and I painted a goat and went to the mall with the Shadow and then to the Zoo with him today. Drunken Jason called me after midnight again and I invited him to church but then he didn't come...um...Bryce, my pastor is coming over to fix my bike tomorrow while I'm at work - my SISTER is getting married...And Mum sent me cookies. The zoo was a blast and I'm blown away by my sister's sudden engagement and how soon the wedding is to be. I will not be able to go!
It's really late and I've been running on low juice all day as is...I'm going to die at work tomorrow. I'd write more in-depth on everything, but I really need to get some shut-eye. Goodnight.
[And the sad thing is that even though I had no time to call my mother, read the last 7 pages of my book, or write here, I managed to produce four or five drawings...]
10-8-02
Tired as a Flat Cat
Well...not much has happened. While I was at work monday, my pastor came over and fixed my flat tire. He replaced my entire tube (with a self-sealing one at that!). How nice is that? So then Tuesday I spent all day at school. I helped Bing walk around as usual and some guy asked him about why he was in a wheelchair and he told him he had MD and I thought, "Wow, he must get tired of answering those sorts of questions..."
I stayed after my classes to work on my "Under the Sea" project. I decided to do a freshwater scene with a snapping turtle snapping up the required fish. I think a lot of people are going to do sharks and things with their mouths open. A snapper is pretty original, though...I think. Especially since it's fresh water and there aren't any in Arizona. So then this guy walks up to me and says I should save my work and get off because they were going to shut down all the computers in the commons because of a virus.
I saved my turtle and looked at my watch which surprised me. It was 5:30! If it took me 2 hours to get home, I'd miss my ride to the women's bible study. And I was so hungry...I wouldn't have time to eat if I DID make it in time...
So I caught the bus and watched the people as usual. People are interesting to watch. At the mall this guy saw another guy smoking a cigarette and asked him if he could lend him a smoke. The guy with the cigarette in his mouth said, "It's the only one I got, man..." and so the guy sort of muttered something (though not in anger) and started looking at the playstation game he bought. Before the bus came though, the guy with the cigarette came over and handed it to him. The guy grinned and smoked it and they introduced themselves and slapped their hands together in a cool handshake that ended with their fingers snapping apart like the best of friends. The bus came and the one guy passed the cigarette back to the other one and thanked him. I thought it was really nice, but then again, he was helping the other guy promote a bad, possibly life-threatening habit. Oh well. It's not like he was trying to quit.
I reached work by 6:30 and ordered a salad since it's healthy and fast. I talked to the Shadow who was mopping and asked if anything was new. He said he'd visited his sister last night and ate stuffed shells there, but that's about all. So I guess things were pretty uneventful for him today too. I'm not positive, but I think he may be growing a thin moustache of sorts that goes down past the edges of his mouth. Then again, maybe it's just a trick of the light and he's just a bit unshaven. I'll have to look closer at work Wednesday.
So I got home and I had nothing to wear tomorrow. I really REALLY needed to do laundry. My ride came and I told her I couldn't come because of laundry and supper and I was tired. She said okay and left and I ate my salad, discovered my empty juice pitcher was sour and beginning to smell because I'd forgotten it. I filled it with soapy water and a bit of bleach because that's just gross. I did my laundry and watched Smallville (which was really good) for the first time in a long time. I haven't watched TV in so long. I'd forgotten how annoying and long commercials are. I RPed a tiny bit with the Roach and then Sammi (my ride to the bible study) walked up to my open door. Her roommate, Jess, who also gives me rides was with her and she handed me a package of grahm crackers. I was so delighted! She remembered how much I liked them last time and drove over to give me some! I thanked them profusely and asked how the study went. They said only one girl came. I felt kinda bad then. They left and I dug out my chocolate cake icing and applied it generously to the crackers. Arkady tried to analyze me with a quiz and tried to interpret the cracker/icing preference into religion. She was wrong about the religion (that I like the added "icing" of rituals, hee hee!), but I think she was right that I would like to visit Switzerland. New Zealand and Scotland would be first on my list though.
So I stayed up drawing this puppy until midnight when I started to nod off. I plugged in my old spazzy CD player and listened to Flogging Molly's "Swagger" until I fell asleep.
Oh yes - here is my GOAT and my most recent drawing that still needs coloring.
10-10-02
Gaseous Adventures
It is dark in the big city. Few vehicles remain in the parking lot behind a large brick building. An unmarked van struggles and coughs in its parking space, but can't quite find the spark it needs to roar to life. It is 12:30 a.m. and Bing looks apologetically over at Jo,
"Oh crud. Well...uh...it appears that we are out of gas..."
....................................
It is an unexpected way to end a long day at college that began in a similar way. Jo had awakened with a stiff neck and a sore back. She had an hour to get ready and decided that investing some of that time into neck exercises might be a good thing. She dug the old neck exercise pamphlet her mother had given to her out from under the futon. The pamphlet claimed that the illustrated excercises would take approximately fifteen minutes to complete. Jo knew she had much to do before taking off, but felt this was necessary. She sat and stretched and waved her arms around in circles like the pamphlet said. After forty or so minutes, however, she realized that she wouldn't be able to finish the excercises and was already behind schedule. She went to the mirror and glared at herself and her greasy dark hair and flattened bangs. Such things tend to develop after wearing a hat all day. She knew she had to take a shower, but she had little more than ten minutes now. She would hurry and forego breakfast...and not pack a lunch...and ride her bike very fast.
She got wet. She got dry. She grabbed her keys and began flinging books and notebooks into her backpack. "Where are my buretts???" she thought, but couldn't find the buggers. She threw open her pantry, but there was nothing suitable to grab and run with. She would simply have to purchase food throughout the rest of the day. Suddenly a terrible thought struck her. She had no money! But wait - she could just use her debit card - but no! One cannot use a debit card for the bus fare. Jo made frustrated noises and paced her dinky studio putting on socks and tying back her wet hair. Maybe she had enough pennies collected. She emptied her dog head and began to count, feeling more panicked at every tick of the clock. It was past time to go. She found she was about sixty cents short, and doubted that the bus driver would allow/appreciate her filling his machine with 125 pennies anyway. She would simply have to ride to the bank and be late for class.
Thus began her day, and a long day it was. She decided to treat herself at the coffee bar since she was late anyway.
"I heard you have some sort of mint chocolate drink?" she asked. The girl behind the counter pointed it out. It was hideously expensive, but Jo is terrible at making decisions when there are many many good choices. For instance, the other day she stopped at a small Chinese restarant to get a bite for lunch. She had only three dollars to spend, but wanted something filling...yet healthy. She wanted rice, but rice with something else. Rice and chicken was too expensive, as was everything else that looked good. She could afford the hamburgers (yes, they had hamburgers) but they were not healthy and past hamburgers made her ill with grease. Eggrolls looked good, but one would surely not be enough. Finally she decided on something and turned to the oriental woman who had moved out from behind the counter to sit in the dining area and read a paper.
"I'm ready I think..." she said hesitantly. The woman looked up with a rather emotionless expression and said crisply,
"We're closed! You took too long and the cook left!"
The girl behind the coffee counter was a little nicer, and very persuasive. Jo felt obligated to purchase the expensive drink and...heck why not a bear claw as well?
"$5.95" The girl pronounced and Jo shrieked inwardly. Perhaps she even paled outwardly. Six dollars? SIX DOLLARS for a coffee and doughnut??? That was a whole meal at Cousins - a 15 incher at that. Jo wanted to say "No! No! I changed my mind!!!" but once again, politeness suppressed her anxiety and turned her into a spineless gutless twit. A spineless gutless twit with a significantly lighter wallet.
She caught the bus and was perhaps fifteen minutes late for class. Her teacher liked her though (Ach! Brown-noser!), and was very lenient. She did not scold, give a dirty look, or even acknowledge that Jo had done anything wrong. After class Jo worked on homework and Preston showed her music and a Brazilian fighting game. Jo decided to skip lunch since breakfast had been so expensive and she wasn't so hungry. She met with Bing after her second class and stretched him and helped him walk around. They both worked in the commons afterwards and discussed what they would do for the Bible study. After hours of working on the worst homework assignment ever (thank you to the guest-speaker librarian), Jo found out from Bing that it was past time to go.
Six people filled the room for the bible study. Three new people! They all talked about what churches they came from except for Jo, but no one noticed, and she didn't really mind. She talked enough aftewards to make up for it anyway. Everyone there felt very close, for they could speak openly about God and Jesus. They were a striking minority in the school, and it was so very encouraging to know that they were not all alone. It was even more encouraging and joyous, however, to speak of the common hope they had in Christ, how it felt to be Christians in a largely atheistic society, and how each and every one of them had a burning desire to be a shining light in the midst of darkness - to step out into the world and live for Christ daily and love others. They were delighted to find that the other people in the room who were strangers mere moments ago, were not really strangers at all. As everyone parted with genuine smiles and encouragements, Jo felt that indeed, this was the highlight of her day.
She and Bing worked the rest of the evening on projects. Jo finished her snapping turtle inhaling a fish (similar to the sloppy preparatory sketch above) and two other projects while Bing finished his own "Under the Sea" assignment. By the time both finished, it was midnight. Definitely time to go home.
....................................
After Bing declares their predicament, Jo is relieved that it is a simple matter of gas and not actual engine trouble. She wonders how her friend would get home with his heavy electronic wheelchair otherwise. They weigh their options and decide it would be best to simply walk/wheel on down to the AM/PM station and get some gas, but there is a problem with that solution since Bing has no gas can.
"Hey - ask that security guard if he has any ideas..." suggests Bing. Jo hops out of the van and catches the guard, relating their situation quickly. He is more than happy to help, marching quickly to his own car to lend her his own gas can. Jo thanks him and Bing joins her on the trek to get gas. They talk cheerfully on the way, watching the water sprinklers next to the sidewalk warily. The puddles reflect the black sky and various streetlamps and headlights of passing vehicles. The reflection tricks the eye, making it appear that a ghost motorcycle is driving in front of each car.
There is some trouble at the station because a new employee is being trained and he doesn't know how to give change back to customers. The trainer dashes back and forth from person to person: Jo, who cannot figure out how to pump the gas, an aggitated black man who is angry about something, Bing, who is still waiting on his change, and the seemingly useless trainee who needs help with everything. As they head back to the college, they agree that they will not return to this particular gas station tonight to fill the rest of the van's 30-gallon tank. By the time they are on the road with a full tank of gas and tunes playing, it is 1:00 a.m. Bing is tired, but it does not impair his driving. He speeds down the freeway with his left fingers on the small knob that controls both gas and breaks, and his right on the small knobbed steering wheel. Jo babbles on about nothing in particular until Bing finally gets rid of her at her apartment complex. He thanks her for staying up so late for him and she waves it off as nothing, for as a wereartist, 1:00 a.m. is early! Ha ha!
And here is the finished sketch from the other day all lovely and colorful.
10-13-02
What?? No Pigs???
So Saturday I went to the fair with the Shadow and his two friends. It was fun, but odd because I felt like I was being critiqued or something. The Shadow bought a book of tickets and gave me tickets for rides. The first ride we went on was "Evolution". It was fun except that it held us all upside-down at the top for several long long seconds. All the blood rushed to my head and my eyes bulged and I was sure they would pop. The zipper was much funner - in fact, it was probably the funnest ride. The ferris wheel was huge, but slow and disappointing (I think it went around two or three times max), and the last ride held me upside-down too long too. I had a headache after that. I got ice cream and really expensive water, and then we tried to watch the all Indian rodeo, but they mostly just talked and had people ride around with flags then talked some more. I tried to get close but the security people chased me away saying I couldn't stand in front of the wall. I moved up to the next level where there were people watching, but then the security lady told me I had to have a chair to stay there. I asked her where I could get a chair and she said there weren't any. She said I had to sit in the bleachers. I said okay and walked up to find an empty spot, but when I did the Indian people said someone was sitting there and so I just gave up and went back to my original seat (which, technically was overlooking the fairground tents rather than the rodeo it was so far off to one side). I imagined that all the Indian people conspired to keep people who weren't Indians out of the center bleachers, but that was a silly passing thought I think. Well it WAS an "all Indian" rodeo so the thought can't be that ridiculous, right? So I sat back in my seat way far away from the action and the announcer spoke for an unbearable length of time (and it didn't help that I couldn't understand a word he was saying over the speakers). Once they let out some bucking broncos, but then they stopped and talked more. Four bucking horses was not much reward for waiting an hour through garbled speech and country singing (though I did get a kick out of telling the Shadow's friends how they get the horses to buck, hehe). We got up and left. Worst rodeo I've ever been to - including the one in Montana where they roped goats tethered to a stake in the ground.
We checked out the art exhibits and saw some pretty cool stuff, then moved on to see the animals. The pigeons were actually really cool. There were all kinds. The first one I looked at I did a double take. It looked like it was sitting on a second set of wings. It was white and the wings it was sitting on were perfectly spread beneath it. I looked at the pigeons beside it and they were of the same breed, for they too had 'wings' under them, but they were walking around so I could see that the false set of wings were actually growing off their ankles. There were some with huge air sacks puffed up under their chins and some with curly feathers. Some had weird thick beaks and others had "Moe" haircuts. There was also a guy who we talked to who told us about the pigeons in WWII who saved hundreds of soldiers. We looked through a binder he put together called "Do you owe your existance to a pigeon???" Implying that some of our grand parents who served in WWII might owe their lives to a pigeon and not even know it. It talked about the pigeon that saved a battalion (I think) and captured German spy pigeons with cameras and such. The Shadow's friends were not so interested in the binder, though so we moved on shortly to look at cows and sheep. I really wanted to see pigs because I remembered in Arkansas how they used to have giant pigs at the fairs that were as big as some of the cows we saw. Unfortunately, this fair didn't have them. I was very disappointed. I petted the cows and sheep and watched this one goatish sheep critter with sharp horns trying to butt the miniture breeds through the wire mesh. He was a mean bugger.
We were all tired about then and decided to get home.
So I have Tuesday off of school because of a teacher inservice thingy. I volunteered to work since they really need me. Vicky (the one I drew the brother and daughter for) quit thursday. She just walked out without even a two-weeks notice. I wonder if I'll ever get paid for my picture. So now I have three straight days of working from 10/11 a.m. to 7:30 p.m. Good money, but man I'm gonna be tired. I don't think I'll have much time to watch the DVDs the Shadow lent me (Lord of the Rings and some radical old 60's flick called Branded to Kill). We'll see. The Shadow sent me some of the digital pictures he took at the zoo (here's one of the alligator) and a few of his cat, Samsonite, who has been missing for more than a month now. I think he's given up hope. It makes me sad.
10-14-02
What Does it Mean?
I remember my dream...or at least part of it from last night because it was so horrible. There were a lot of turkeys running around and I told some guy who was with me to shoot one for our Thanksgiving dinner since Thanksgiving is coming up soon. He had this old pilgrim-style gun and kept shooting at the turkey but he kept missing and only grazing it. Then it turned into a little lamb and it walked quietly around, jumping and bleating every time it was grazed. I kept yelling at him to just shoot the thing right so it wouldn't suffer, so he took better aim and shot it in the back. Then he just stopped and it was lying there paralyzed and hurting. If I wanted it to stop hurting I had to kill it myself. So I picked it up and held it in my arms and it was so trusting - it didn't even try to get away - in fact it started purring which was strange since it was a little baby sheep and not a cat...but I guess it was the essence of the innocent, loving pet. So I had to break its neck. I didn't want to, but I knew I had to. I knew it had to die and that I had to kill it. So I hugged it close and cried and tensed my arms harder and harder at an odd angle across its neck until...yeah...
I don't know why I did it so slow. I guess I really didn't want to do it at all so I was trying to prolong it. What a sick, twisted dream...having to kill some little animal with your bare hands. I don't know why I dreamt it. I know the lamb part is probably from the sheep at the fair and the dying/killing in my arms part was probably because yesterday I dwelled so much on that memory of when a cat died in my arms when I was a kid and I thought it was my fault...
Perhaps another influence on my dream was the fact that I spent a good two hours Sunday going through a September 11th exhibit at the museum. I never really was that affected by it, but it was hard to see the families looking for and calling on their phones to find the missing persons. Sammi and I sat and went through a fat fat book of photographs and there was one with people jumping out of the World Trade Centers and free-falling. I thought that was pretty horrible until she turned the page and there was what was left of a woman's leg. I can't believe they put that in the book. It was so hideous. She turned the page quickly. I had wondered whether they found only ashes...now I know they didn't.
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