Evil Kidz Reeking Havok:
Emilee Owens a 15 year old girl from Crestwood is in trial for a long list of charges steaming from 6 month investigation. She has commited such horrid acts upon her community as: 5 counts of goat raping, necrophillia, and the kidnapping, rape, and sodomy of MSD's John "Sexy Man" Wells. Emilee has been labeled an obsessed fecophilliac with a case of sleep deprivation. Upon the search of her home police found: a bloody blow dryer, pictures of her vitims, and DNA evidence directly connecting her to these crimes. When police questioned Mrs. Owens, Emilee's mother she said, "Emilee is THE DEVIL she listens to that damn psycho music and dresses like a witch, and I think she should bebeat with an extension cord and locked up under the jail." I say, "If it ain't on it ain't no fun."
OH MY GOD THE SKY IS FALLING:
2 teens calling themselves Jamie Demented and Charlie killed a man by throwing a flaming Twinkie off the top of the empire state building. The man killed suffered a blow to the head and then was set ablaze by the twinkie. The boys said, "Twinkies are soft ass cakes so we didn't think they would actually kill people". With that bullshit statement people are scuring about and protesting to have their asses tossed in jail for life. their lawyers made a statement saying "My clients are strickly numb nutts and should be put away for life but I'm a crooked bastard so I'll get them off the hook. for the right price."
LADY DIES IN WALMART WHEN FALLING PRICES FELL:
76 year old Ivana Dimebag died late last evening while shopping at the Ghetto Walmart in Clarksville, Indiana. She apparently didn't keep her head up and notice the big fucking sign that said WATCH FOR FALLING PRICES, she was too busy trying to beat her grandchild senseless with a extension cord. When all of a sudden pow the bitch was dead it was evident that the little smiley face guy from the commercials didn't like her so he kicked the price and made it fall on her head. Now Indiana State Police have the little guy in custody for Murder in the first degree. I think it's a bunch of bullshit and they should let the little guy go.
