EVEN MICHAEL BOLTON? WHERE DO I SIGN UP!?
I don't think it would be a lie if I were to say that just about three-fourths of American men can thank Mr. Bolton for helping get the pants off of some drunk barslut. Why not follow in his footsteps?
"When I look at myself in the morning, I know I'm a damn fool. I realize that I don't have much going for me, and even my die hard fans think I'm a joke.
"But everything's alright now. I grabbed Daddy's talon, and I definitely felt a difference in my life instantly. I don't care that because of years of alcohol and drug abuse I can no longer maintain an erection. I know now that problems i may have while living the little time I have here are unimportant.
"Go ahead, don't be afraid to grab Daddy's Talon. I am close to 100% positive that if I had not grabbed the Talon when I did, I would have been abducted by space aliens and would have been forced to listen to my records for eternity. Thanks for everything Daddy!"
EVEN MICHAEL BOLTON? WHERE DO I SIGN UP!?