Splinter Cell

      A game that I've been enjoying a lot over the past few days is a little game I like to call Splinter Cell, mostly because that's the name of it. In it, you play the role of Sam Fisher, a special ops guy who has the opportunity to exercise the 5th freedom: the right to do anything to protect some more freedoms, namely freedom of speech, freedom of worship, freedom to knock out Chinese men and hide them in urinals and freedom to own massive assault rifles that can shoot "sticky" cameras. Your hero is equiped with a pistol, some lockpicks, and Clint Eastwood's attitude (and age apparently).

"It's you and me van. Make my day."

      As I understood from the story, Sam Fisher is an Ex-NSA agent who they brought out of retirement for this mission. Apparently, he spent much of his retirement with Barnum and Bailey as he has crazy acrobatic skills. I'm not sure about everyone else, but my father does not have the skills to do a split in mid air between two walls while aiming a pistol. However in stark contrast to this magnificent display of athleticism, one of the best "moves" Fisher has is his ability to throw cans and beer bottles. Through extensive training at parties, bars, and friends' houses, I think I too can master the art of throwing a beer bottle at someone's head to incapacitate them. In fact, maybe someday I can train future NSA agents myself.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, for our next feat you will see an old man ruin his crotch forever!"

      Along with the acrobatic skills of a Ukranian gymnast, Sam also has the uncanny ability to grab someone from behind. Note I said Sam has this ability, for I do not. Most of the time I just tiptoe behind someone throw an elbow and pray. This usually works if I'm fighting Georgians (the country not the home of the Coca Cola Factory) or American CIA OPERATIVES. I could usually sneak up behind them and take them out or take even a few of their puny bullets before they could kill me. However when it comes to the Chinese, well they're another story completely. Possessing fully peripheral vision, guns that just about instantly kill, and the worst english translations ever, the Chinese military can destroy me with ease. Even being in shadows an entire story above them is not enough to deter their unerring aim and cheap guns from taking me out at the same save spot 18 times in a row. Even with the SC20K assault rifle that can fire anything from cameras to grenades to theoretically potatos and paintballs, the damn Chinese military rocked my world with a fury I've only see previously from the Incredible Hulk and a car full of rabid midgets pretending to be Mike Tyson.

"Damnit, I said I wanted an EGG ROLL! I'd go to the Eggroll Station but those freakin' chinks scare the crap out of me."

      All of this great gameplay would be nothing without the magical environments each level takes place in. From the streets outside of the Chinese Embassy, to an oil well, to the CIA HQ itself, the game is full of dark dark dark places. However, if there's any flaw to these locals is that they all have to be arranged so you can get somewhere in a somewhat linear fashion. This ends up making the trek to the Chinese Embassy seem like a Double Dare challenge rather than an espionage sting. "Your next challenge is to go up the ladder, down the pole, and through the sewer without catching a faceful of Chinese gak guns (maybe thats why they tear my guy up so fast).

"They can kill military personnel all over the US, try to take over Azerbaijan, but when they subvert the Universal Studios Great Movie Ride, ITS PAIN TIME!"

All in all, this is probably one of the best games out for the XBox right now, if not THE best. I'd recommend it to anyone who likes fun, espionage, and doesn't mind dying to the Chinese about a billion times. I promise you, you won't regret it.