After a fun filled day of tests and obnoxious trumpets (yeah, right), the illustrious author is now taking some time for fun. RaiaGirl, Princess Zelda, Impa, Ruto, Nabooru, Saria, Igari, and Majora are on their way to the department store for a little shopping before heading back to the Condo to watch movies. They're driving down the highway at 65 m.p.h. with all four windows down.
Everyone: (singing at the top of their lungs)
*You're the meaning in my life,
You're the inspiration!
You bring feeling to my life,
You're the inspiration!*
Zelda: Ya-hoo, this is fun!
Igari: Whaaat?
Zelda: I said, this is fun!
Igari: I can't hear you! The wind is blowing in my ear!
RaiaGirl: We're almost there! Just another couple of miles or so!
Everyone: (still singing)
*Sing us a song, you're the Piano Man!
Sing us a song tonight!
'Cuz we're all in the mood for a melody,
And you've got us feeling all right!*
The crew arrives at the department store in record time. They exit RaiaGirl's car, joking and laughing. Upon entering the department store, the entourage is greeted with the unmistakable sight of...
Nabooru: Shoes! Woohoo!
She races off toward the shoe aisles in a frenzy. The rest of them slowly follow, wondering why Nabooru is so interested in shoes. When they finally do catch up with her...
Zelda: Nabooru, why are you so interested in shoes?
Nabooru: Listen, after wearing these stupid things for years, a change would be more than welcome!
She indicates the worn out pair of pointed shoes on her feet, then starts browsing the aisles. Nabooru is like a child in a candy store, trying on various types of shoes and sandals. The other women just stare at her as if she were crazy.
Zelda: I already have plenty of shoes.
Igari: Gorons don't wear shoes.
Ruto: Neither do Zoras.
They all look up at Majora.
Impa: And neither do masks, I assume.
Majora: Not usually.
RaiaGirl: I'm looking for a good pair of sandals, but I'm sure no one wants to deal with the smell of my hiking boots when I take them off...
Saria's Fairy: Please, no!
All of the Others: Ummm, we'll pass.
After about ten or twelve minutes of looking around, Nabooru finally chooses what she wants-a pair of high-heeled gold lamé sandals. RaiaGirl shakes her head.
Nabooru: What?
RaiaGirl: Nothing....
They continue through the store. As they turn down one particular aisle, a strange smell starts to permeate the air. The smell grows stronger and stronger until...
Saria: (holding her nose) What is that?
Ruto: I'm not sure, but whatever it is, it's really strong!
RaiaGirl: It's only perfume!
She plucks a small sampler bottle from one of the glass counters and sprays a small mist in the air.
Malon: Oooh, that smells pretty good!
Zelda: This one isn't bad at all. It smells nice, kinda like lilacs in the springtime.
Igari picks up an unopened bottle from the counter and studies it.
Igari: Very nice! I think I'm going to get this. All we ever get on Death Mountain is eau de Bomb Flower and Stalactite Scent.
The others exchange weird glances.
Majora: Stalactites have a scent?
Igari: They do.
Majora: What do they smell like?
Igari: It's hard to find an equivalent. They just smell like-stalactites.
Majora: Whatever.
Saria: (still holding her nose) Continuing on....
Much to Saria's relief, the entourage leaves the perfume aisle and heads toward the clothing section. They all flock to the formalwear. Zelda notices a light pink gown with white chiffon draping the sleeves and takes it off of the rack.
Zelda: Wow, this is gorgeous! I wonder if it will fit...
RaiaGirl: Go try it on. There are fitting rooms right over there.
She points toward the opposite corner of the store. Excited, Zelda takes the gown and makes her way over toward the fitting rooms. Meanwhile, Impa has picked out a dress of her own. It is made entirely out of black velvet with long sleeves and a high neckline.
Ruto: Ugh, how boring! Way too dark!
Impa: I happen to like black.
Ruto pulls a knee-length electric blue dress with a very revealing neckline and no sleeves.
Nabooru: Now that's bright...
RaiaGirl: Way too loud for me.
She pulls a dark green floor length gown off of one of the racks. It has a lacy top and dark green chiffon draping over the skirt.*
The Others: Oooh...
Saria: That's pretty!
Malon: I like it!
Ruto: Okay, okay, how 'bout this one?
The Zora princess pulls out a lime green spaghetti strap dress with a slit that goes from the hem to the hip.
Everyone Else: Ick!
RaiaGirl: Face it, Ruto. You have no taste in clothing.
Ruto: Well what'd you expect? Zoras don't wear clothing!
At that moment, Princess Zelda returns wearing the dress.
Impa: You look beautiful, Princess!
RaiaGirl: That's a really nice dress.
Zelda: You think so? I'm going to buy it!
Ruto: Got a hot date with Link coming up?
Zelda blushes, but doesn't reply.
Majora: I'll take that as a yes.
RaiaGirl looks at her watch.
RaiaGirl: It's almost 8 p.m. We'd better get going if we're going to have time to watch a movie.
After Nabooru, Igari, and Zelda pay for their items, the group once again piles into RaiaGirl's car. Just like before, all four windows are down and everyone starts singing.
*I'm leaving on a jet plane!
Don't know when I'll be back again!
Oh babe, I hate to go!*
They make their way to the grocery store; RaiaGirl quickly runs in, buys a few packages of assorted chocolate stuff, and returns to the car. A few moments later, they arrive back at The Condo. As soon as they enter, RaiaGirl empties the grocery bag onto the coffee table in the living room.
RaiaGirl: Enough chocolate for everyone-and then some.
She disappears into her room for a short time, then returns carrying a videotape. She opens the case, inserts the video into the VCR, and plops down on the recliner.
Malon: What movie did you put in?
RaiaGirl: One of the ultimate in chick flicks-Steel Magnolias.
The movie begins. About two hours later, as the movie is ending, most of the chocolate is already gone and everyone is bawling their eyes out-excluding Majora. Sniffling, RaiaGirl presses the rewind button on the VCR and turns off the television. She disappears again, only to reappear a few seconds later with a fresh box of tissues. Everybody reaches for one.
Zelda: That was...so sad...
Ruto: That poor Shelby! (Blows her nose)
Igari: (Blubbering like a baby) She was too young to die!
More crying.
Malon: And her little boy...never being able to know his mama!
Majora: Yeesh, it was only a movie.
Several chocolate wrappers get thrown in Majora's general direction.
Majora: (undaunted) And Shelby and Jackson didn't even kiss in the movie! You call that a chick flick?
Nabooru: They got married!
RaiaGirl: You're such a critic!
Majora: Usually.
Impa: A movie doesn't have to have kissing to be considered a chick flick.
Saria: Kissing is kinda gross, anyway...
Majora: Have you ever been kissed, Saria?
Saria: Once. By Mido. I promptly slapped him in the face.
Even though everyone is still drying their tears from the movie, they start laughing.
Zelda: That'd probably explain why you think kissing is gross, then. It really isn't so bad. It's actually quite nice.
Princess Zelda gets a dreamy look in her eyes-and a rather stupid grin on her face.
Ruto: I wouldn't know. I've never been kissed before.
Malon: I'm sure Piron wouldn't mind changing that small detail.
Ruto: (Getting defensive) Yuck! No way! I'm not letting that goofball kiss me! I'd rather kiss a rock!
Igari: Excuse me?
Ruto: Sorry.
Majora: What about you?
It points at Igari with one tentacle. The Goron chuckles ever so slightly.
Igari: That has to be one of the silliest questions I've ever heard. Of course I've been kissed. I'm married, for heaven's sake! That's the first thing you do when you're married! The guy up front says 'kiss the bride' and the bride gets kissed. Yeesh!
Majora: Yeah, I guess that would make sense. Nabooru?
Nabooru: What is this, pry into everyone's love life or something?
Majora: I'm just curious!
RaiaGirl: What was that old saying, something about curiosity killing the cat?
Majora: I am not a feline, so it doesn't count.
Nabooru: I am not answering the question!
Majora: Aww, come on!
Ruto: You forget. She is a Gerudo. There are no guys around to kiss.
Nabooru: That's not true! Kevin comes around a lot!
Realizing that she just blurted out her boyfriend's name, the Sage of Spirit blushes and grumbles something unintelligible.
Everyone: Oooooooooooooo!
Zelda: I don't think I've ever met Kevin. What does he do?
Nabooru: Well, if you must know, he sells masks.
Malon: You're dating the Happy Mask Salesman?!
Nabooru: Yeah, I am. He's a really nice guy, and not quite as weird as he looks.
Majora: (laughing) Anyway...RaiaGirl. It's your turn.
The author looks rather embarrassed. Everyone else leans in, listening for an answer, but RaiaGirl is having trouble figuring out what to say.
RaiaGirl: (fumbling) Ummm, I, uh... Sore wa, himitsu desu!
Saria: Huh?
Ruto: What does that mean?
RaiaGirl: It's Japanese. Roughly translated it means, "that's a secret."
Nabooru: Hey, if I had to answer the question, so do you!
Ruto: C'mon!
RaiaGirl is beginning to crack. Just as she is about to answer the question, the doorbell rings.
Doorbell: Ding ding ding ding, ding ding ding ding
RaiaGirl: Saved by the bell! Woohoo!
She gets up and opens the door. The men have returned. Link has a black eye and a bandage on one arm, Darunia's left hand is wrapped in several layers of gauze with an ice pack on top, Ganondorf is very pale and has an ice pack on top of his head, Piron is walking with a distinct limp, and Rauru is holding a bloody tissue to his nose. Once everyone is inside, RaiaGirl closes the door.
RaiaGirl: What in the world?!
Zelda: Link, are you okay?!
Link: (Grumbling) Just ducky....
Igari races to Darunia's side and inspects his injured hand. She carefully unwraps the bandage and grimaces at what she sees.
Igari: Dar, this looks awful! What the heck happened?
Darunia: It's a looooooong story.
RaiaGirl: Well, somebody had better explain.
She catches sight of Potato and Wolf, who look uninjured but slightly embarrassed. The icy glare in her eyes convinces them to speak up.
Wolf: Well...
Potato: You see, it kinda went like this...
What happened with the guys? Take a look at Chapter 7!
* - The dress I described there was my senior prom dress from four years ago. I feel old now....:P
Song excerpts (in order):
You're the Inspiration by Chicago
Piano Man by Billy Joel
Leaving on a Jet Plane by John Denver
Steel Magnolias is copyright 1989, Tri-Star Pictures
