Captain's Log
Star Date 4/20/24/7
Captain James "Big" Bull here. I only let my friends call me Jim. That would be if I had any. Anyway, today we landed on Mars. The dome was set up and construction was begun on the habitat. The site we chose to land at was located near a mineral-rich portion of the surface. This should give me a chance to be near my real friends - the rocks. I objected to the idea of mining the land for copper oxide to supply us with water, but I was soon crushed.
Star Date 4-8/Alpha/Zulu/6-8-9er
We made first contact the insectiod beings of the planet Babpoaius Apo. That means "Galactic Conquest" in their language. Since our mission hinged on finding them we are quite ecstatic. Our negotiators/traders conviced their primitive minds into sparing our lives while we bought nitrogen and hydrogen gas from them. Since we'll never be able to supply our own, we've secured a lasting peace. To pay for the huge sum of $132,411,796,100.00, all the world's nations have chipped in an amount proportional to their GNP. By doing so all the nations also agreed to abolish all national debts and get a fresh start.
Star Date 8/27/82
Our future president on Earth, Matt Meehan, was born. Also, our trade is going quite well with the insectoid beings, or "insects" as we like to call them. Our vast supplies of left-over copper from the water-making process have been put to good use. We have constructed the world's largest penny - over 100 feet tall. Well, not really the largest ever, there's a bigger one on Earth. Actually, it's not the biggest on Mars either. Our rival team on the other side of the planet constructed one over 100 meters tall. But it is the biggest pure-copper penny on Mars. Ha! guess we showed them.
Star Date 1/1/00
A new millenium! Hope springs eternal. In other news our three explorers ventured to close to the "insect" battle cruiser and were instatly vaporized. Their loss was a huge downpoint in our mission and we'll never forget their great heroics. Oh well, bigger water rations for me.We have also constructed a huge solar mirror from our excess aluminum to melt the northern polar cap and give us more water. We placed it in aerosynchronous orbit to ensure it melts only one portion of the cap.
Star Date 6/21/6/21/6/21
Summer's here! Our huge mirror certainly makes it feel that way. It is working marvelously and there is now less dependency on the bugs. On the darker (get it) side of things our multi-legged neighbors seem to have taken it personally and are beginning to threaten the home planet by blowing up numerous cities. Looks like we have to take down the mirror.
Star Date God Help Us All
Our situation has turned grim. Today, the world's largest penny was unseated by a Marsquake and went rolling down a hill, up the side of our tent, and was launched into space. This tradgedy saddens us all. Later in the day we sent up three engineers and two mechanics to take down the mirror. Unfortunately it was too hot and the five were vaporized like ants under a magnifying glass. The mirror then proceeded to continue it's job and melted a hole straight through the polar cap, through the planet, and out the other side. It's next target appears to be a planet in the Alpha Centauri system. Also, the insectoid beings have begun attacking. Their primitive minds got bored with trading with us, and they decided to take over both worlds. I just got news that the U.N. handed over Earth and our species will be used as slaves in coal mines, but nonetheless spared. I now hear a knocking and some explosions outside the habitat. There are weird noises and the air is getting thin; like the tent's been breached. I'm turning on the airlocks to the building. OH NO! The bugs are in the collapsing tent. I'm the only one left alive. Looks like it's the coal mines for me. Captain James "Big" Bull signing off.
P.S. I would like to thank "The Simpsons", "Starship Troopers", "Star Wars", and the novel Red Mars for unwittingly allowing me to plagerize them.
