Thank you to all my fishy-friends
I woke up this morning and felt SO alive.. I felt that I was really living… Automatically I went to the bathroom, prepared myself for a new day, and as I left the room I smiled to myself in the mirror.. I felt hungry, so I went to our kitchen and got myself some food… I ate and was satisfied and ready for a new and wonderful day of LIFE…
Amy, Tony and all the other fishy's, when I came to the bowl in March 2000, I was a confused and very scared girl.. So very lost to the ed.. I never believed that I would ever be free, I never thought I could let go of what I thought was my friend, identity and everything.. I thought I could’t survive with the ed… I was so ashamed of myself.. I hated every part of myself and my life.. I never believed I would experience love and happiness in my life ever…
1 1/2 ago I was existing.. Today I am living… I have not fallen in love with myself.. But everyday I rise in love and I live an authentic life, I believe.. I’ve learned to love myself. I am not perfect, I am not looking like a supermodel, but I’m okey.. I am me. I am unique… I am so changed… I didn’t realize how dangerous this game I was playing was, until I lay in that ambulance.. Having the choice between the ed or life… I choosed life… It’s been many hard battles, but also great victories.. And it’s so wonderful when you realize how changed you are.. When you look at once was and what is… I am able to love myself. I am able to enjoy life. I am relaxed. I can go out with friends without having to worry about food.. I have so much more energy.. I am able to sleep in the nights..
But most importantly I am LIVING, and I love it. I am so excited about life.. I love thinking about all the opportunities I have, all the talents I have… I walk in love each day..
I would like to THANK YOU, Amy and Tony for everything you do..
Not for saving my life, because I was the only one that actually could save myself..
Not for giving me the answers..
Not for being my rescuing angels..
You couldn’t fight the battle for me.
You couldn’t cry my tears.
You couldn’t take my pain…
But I would like to thank you for creating a place
where I could be me,
without being ashamed..
A place where I could learn to ask for help and what I need..
A place with room to cry, scream, shout and rejoice..
A place for support and understanding..
A safe place with no huge triggers as numbers and tips how to become a better anoretic or bulimic…
A place where you asked the questions, and I had to find the answers that were right for me..
A place to be challenged and motivated..
A place to find love and encouragement to keep fighting..
You didn’t save me, but you loved me and gave me inspiration to save myself…
You believed in me, and that helped me to believe in myself…
So thank you, for letting me learn how to love myself.
For letting me learn to fight for my own life.
For letting me learn to cry my own tears..
For letting me learn to live my own life.
I was the one that had to do the work, but you were there..
Supporting me along the road.. I didn’t have to walk alone..
And that meant everything to me….
Thank you Amy, Tony, Milli, and all the other fishy's
for letting me become my real me without all the masks,
and for standing by in good and bad days..
For the wisdom, the love, the support, the ideas, the inspiration, the encouragment and the truth…
I love you so much..
©Shinyflower
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Email: lillebie@europe.com
