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A rabbit walks into a butchers shop and says to the butcher: "Can I have a lettuce please?" The butcher replies: "No, I'm very sorry, we're a butchers shop and we don't sell lettuce." So the rabbit walks out. Three days latter the rabbit walks back into the butchers and says: "Can I have a lettuce please?" The butcher, whose patience is beginning to wear a bit thin, replies:"No, we don't sell them so clear off!" The rabbit looks a bit offended, and mumbles to himself: "There's no need for that sort of attitude," and stamps out. Three days later he walks back into the butchers, and before he can say anything the butcher shouts "We don't sell lettuce, so DISAPPEAR !!! and if you come in hereasking for them again I'll nail your ears to the counter!" So therabbit scarpers out.
Two weeks later the rabbit walks back in and says to the butcher: "Have you got any nails?" To which the butcher looks puzzled and replies: "No." Good says the rabbit: "I'll have a lettuce then please!"

Reality is what refuses to go away when I stop believing in it.

It's always easy to see both sides of an issue we are not particularly concerned about.

The probability of someone watching you is proportional to the stupidity of your action.
-- Philip K. Dick

All generalizations are bad.
-- R. H. Grenier

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

Whining is anger through a small opening.
-- Stuart Smalley
Good students don't "cheat"--they verify.

I stayed up all night playing poker with tarot cards.
I got a full house and four people died.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
I think I've forgotten this before.
-- Steven Wright