Hey man, I'll ya somethin': life ain't fair. I mean, how the bloody hell does someone like me, who has great games, great specs, and is easy to develop for, get beaten out by that over-priced, modem-free, worthless rectangular prism of sh*t PS2??

I mean, look at how happy we all used to be! Me and the VMU and the controller, we'd just fly around and play Crazy Taxi and Soul Calibur all day.

And look at all the babes we used to get:

Now look at us. VMU's on psychedelic drugs:

"Whooooooaaaaa! Far out! There's, like, this this on your face. And it's, like, moving around and around...and around!! Oh noooooo, man, it's burrowed into your skin or something!! Oh, wait...that's your eye. Nevermind, dude. Peace out. Ooohhh, yeeeaaaahhh....."

See what I mean??!!

Ah! Someone's coming this way.

Excuse me, kind sir *coughcoughhack* but would you happen to have some cash to spare for a poor guy, down on his luck like me?
"Not really...no."
Are you sure? There's a huge pile of cash right on top of you...
"What pile of cash?"
What do you mean "what pile of cash"?? It's right there!!
"No it's not."
But--
"Look, do you see a pile of cash?"

Ummm...not really...
"Well, there you go!"
But I swear I saw it!! There was like 5000 bucks right on top of you!!!
"$8350, actually."
What was that?
"Um...nothing."
No, really, didn't just say--?
"Listen, I'm running on a tight schedule. I need to...um...meet with Bill Gates in a few minutes then...uh...sit on my ass for six hours and play Halo...and...um...uh...Well, I must be off."
No! Don't go yet!
"Sorry; such is the circle of life, DC. I'll see you again sometime if I'm passing through the slums."
Yeah, circle of life my ass...

*sigh* Damn, I gotta get me a copy of Shenmue II...and some vodka...