PERSONAL DETAILS
Age: Too old to be doing this
Birthplace: Ruislip
FOOTBALL
Team supported: 'ammers.
Best and worst memory of your team: Best: Winning FA Cup v Arsenal in 1980. Worst: Cup disasters aplenty (Wrexham, Torquay, Swansea, even bloody Northampton).
Your team’s best and worst player (current or non-current): Best: Paolo Futre, Trevor Brooking, Alan Devonshire.
Worst: Allan McKnight, George Parris, Alex Bunbury, Steve Jones, Matthew Rush, Samassi Abou (the list's endless).
Most memorable England match: v Germany (World Cup semi 1990) v Hungary 1981 (when Brooking's shot stuck in the stanchion) v France (World Cup 1982, Robson's first-minute goal).
Best and worst England player seen: Best: Glenn Hoddle (by miles). Worst: Nick Pickering, Mark Barham, David White, Brian Deane (ete etc).
Position you play: Nowhere any more.
Your best and worst moment as a player: Best: Scoring Broadbridge Heath's first-ever goal in the FA Vase.
Worst: Being sub for Horsham youth team in the Sussex Youth Cup final at Lancing, threatening to firebomb a ref's house after being sent off at Worthing!
DRINKING
Favourite pint: 1664
Number of pints before you fall over: 2 (it used to be 3)
Number of pints before you hit the shorts: 22
Favourite short when the going gets tough: Whisky and American.
Amount of alcohol (pints plus shorts) before you’re seriouly ill: 10.
Favourite venue after closing time - club/curry house/strip joint/gambling den/bed: Bed
First thing you normally do on returning home from heavy drinking session (if memory serves): Wonder how I got there.
Favourite breakfast after aforementioned session: Linsey Dawn MacKenzie.
WOMEN
Woman you’d most like to be washed up on a desert island with: Jill Dando (about 10 years ago).
FAVOURITE
Newspaper: Standard.
Non-alcoholic drink: Carling Black Label.
Food: Madras.
Holiday destination: Bermuda, Guernsey, Monaco etc etc.
Film: The Great Escape (!).
Book: I've barely read any.
Television programme: Dog racing on Live TV.
Music: I'm actually very eclectic (favourite ever Unforgettable Fire - U2).
Band: at the moment, Belle & Sebastian.
Album: Achtung Baby - U2, possibly.
LEAST FAVOURITE
Newspaper: Times.
Non-alcoholic drink: That Red Card stuff with a referee on the label - I have a dislike of men in black brandishing cards.
Food: Eggs.
Holiday destination: Penzance.
Film: Loads.
Book: See above.
Music: Hip-hop, rap and covers.
OTHERS
All time sporting heroes: Ayrton Senna, Steve Davis, Glenn Hoddle.
Your ideal weekend: Watching Continental football.
The one thing that really makes your blood boil: It's permanently on simmer...
