Why am I Living This Way?


I write this with a heart heavy with so many things, I cannot even begin to describe them. I feel Godís leading and pushing so strongly, yet I cannot define what all is going on in me. So many times, it seems, I come to this point, and wonder if I will ever find the answers I need. Come with me, my friend, and help me search for answers, and perhaps you will find some of your own along the way.


The desire of my flesh and the desire of my spirit are at such a battle now. My flesh has set its desire against the Spirit, and the Spirit is against my flesh. I canít do the things I want to do .

Galatians 5:16-18

My counsel is this: Live freely, animated and motivated by Godís Spirit. Then you wonít feed the compulsions of selfishness. For there is a root of sinful self-interest in us that is at odds with a free spirit, just as the free spirit is incompatible with selfishness. These two ways of life are antithetical, so that you cannot live at times one way and at times another way according to how you feel on any given day. Why donít you choose to be led by the Spirit and so escape the erratic compulsions of a law-dominated existence?


I feel trapped by my feelings of inferiority and not going anywhere. Itís like my feet are stuck in quicksand and I canít get out because I am not worthy. I am not able to grow nor move forward from this state that I am in. What does He want me to see?

Ephesians 2:1-6

It wasnít so long ago that you were mired in that old stagnant life of sin. You let the world, which doesnít know the first thing about living, tell you how to live. You filled your lungs with polluted unbelief, and then exhaled disobedience. We all did it, all of us doing what we felt like doing, when we felt like doing it, all of us in the same boat. Itís a wonder God didnít lose his temper and do away with the whole lot of us. Instead, immense in mercy and with an incredible love, He embraced us. He took our sin-dead lives and made us alive in Christ. He did all this on His own, with no help from us! Then He picked us up and set us down in highest heaven in company with Jesus, our Messiah.


I feel so insecure and alone. How do I get to a place where I donít feel so all alone and useless?

Hebrews 13:5

Donít be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, "Iíll never let you down, never walk off and leave you," we can boldly quote,

"God is there, ready to help;

Iím fearless no matter what.

                    Who or what can get to me?"


I feel so inadequate; so unqualified for anything. Even when I get a glimpse of a vision of what He may be wanting me to do, I know right away that I am not "good enough" to do that. I have too much lacking in me and my training to ever be of use to Him.

Philippians 4:10-14

Iím glad in God, far happier than you would ever guessóhappy that youíre again showing such strong concern for me. Not that you ever quit praying and thinking about me. You just had no chance to show it. Actually, I donít have a sense of needing anything personally. Iíve learned by now to be quite content whatever my circumstances. Iím just as happy with little as with much, with much as with little. Iíve found the recipe for being happy whether full or hungry, hands full or hands empty. Whatever I have, wherever I am, I can make it through anything in the One who makes me who I am. I donít mean that your help didnít mean a lot to meóit did. It was a beautiful thing that you came alongside me in my troubles.


I am so full of guilt- for the things I have done, the thoughts I have had and still have. I have so many things to clean up and out of my life before I can go any further. It becomes so overwhelming, I wonder if I will ever get anywhere but where I am right now. I feel defeated before I even start on even one area,

Romans 8:1-2

With the arrival of Jesus, the Messiah, that fateful dilemma is resolved. Those who enter into Christís being-here-for-us no longer have to live under a continuous, low-lying black cloud. A new power is in operation. The Spirit of life in Christ, like a strong wind, has magnificently cleared the air, freeing you from a fated lifetime of brutal tyranny at the hands of sin and death.


So many things weigh me down; so many areas I cannot get a handle on. I worry about what damage I have already done, and the things in my life that I cannot seem to get under control. Many nights I lay awake with so much on my heart and mind that sleep is impossible. My days are heavy with worry and such weariness. I long for some peace, but it escapes me.

Phil 4:6-7

Donít fret or worry. Instead of worrying, pray. Let petitions and praises shape your worries into prayers, letting God know your concerns. Before you know it, a sense of Godís wholeness, everything coming together for good, will come and settle you down. Itís wonderful what happens when Christ displaces worry at the center of your life.

1 Peter 5:6-7

So be content with who you are, and donít put on airs. Godís strong hand is on you; heíll promote you at the right time. Live carefree before God; He is most careful with you.

He Gets the Last Word

John 14:25-27

"Iím telling you these things while Iím still living with you. The Friend, the Holy Spirit whom the Father will send at my request, will make everything plain to you. He will remind you of all the things I have told you. Iím leaving you well and whole. Thatís my parting gift to you. Peace. I donít leave you the way youíre used to being leftófeeling abandoned, bereft. So donít be upset. Donít be distraught.


I have so many questions and doubts. Where can I ever get all the answers I need when I am not even sure of the questions?? I need wisdom yet am feeling so ignorant. I need help but donít even know where to go for it.

James 1:5-8

If you donít know what youíre doing, pray to the Father. He loves to help. Youíll get His help, and wonít be condescended to when you ask for it. Ask boldly, believingly, without a second thought. People who "worry their prayers" are like wind-whipped waves. Donít think youíre going to get anything from the Master that way, adrift at sea, keeping all your options open.



Why is it that there is such a wide gap between the spiritual and the flesh? Even in my Christian walk? Why am I living so far beneath my potential in Christ? Why am I not enjoying the abundant, productive life I have already inherited? Am I experiencing the victories over sin and the flesh that are my inheritance in Christ? And where I am not- why not?? Part of the answer, it seems, is related to the process of growth and maturity as I appropriate and apply my spiritual identity to my day-to-day experiences.

Another part of the answer is due to my ignorance of how the kingdom of darkness is impacting my progress toward maturity. We have a living and personal enemy - satan - who actively attempts to block my attempt to grow into maturity as Godís child. I NEED to know how to stand against him! Paul wrote about this:

(2 Cor 2:11 )After all, we donít want to unwittingly give Satan an opening for yet more mischiefóweíre not oblivious to his sly ways!

I think I am still ignorant of his sly ways. Thatís why I sometimes live as though satan and his dark realm donít exist. This naivete' is taking its toll on my freedom in Christ.

Oh, Father, I pray you will teach me to stand against satanís schemes to pollute my life with things of sin and the flesh. I cling to Your promise of being Your child and ask You to help me live the life You desire for me. I am in need of Your wisdom, love, peace and power. Open my heart and mind to what You want me to know and accept from You. Teach me the "sly ways" of the enemy so I may not be naive, but a mighty warrior for you. I praise You for Your love for me, for us, and for Your loving kindnesses, which are new every morning. Thank You for Your love for us that spared not Your own Son, and in His name I pray, Amen.

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You are Listening to:Looking Through The Eyes of Faith By Larry Holder, Elton Smith and Steve Israel