Sitting alone in my home,
Listening for the Lord's direction,
I felt a gentle stirring in my soul.
Finally, I had the quiet and the space to think. To listen. To pray. I was playing my favorite music, and went two whole days without the television on. Perhaps I was meant to live alone. Is that what this peace was all about? I can find it only when I was alone?
No, surely that isn't it.
God created us to be interdependent.
He wants us to help each other.
So why can't I find this peace when everyone is around? THAT is what I needed to figure out in these hours alone! In order to become more like Christ, what am I missing? Where is the peace that I so desire? As I pondered these questions, and tried so hard to "be still." I found myself becoming very busy, cleaning out a cupboard, rearranging a room- yet my mind was very still.
It occurred to me that not only were parts of my house cluttered, but much of my life was too. Nothing I was removing from the cupboard was trash, but it just wasn't needed anymore.
My life had changed since I last cleaned it out, and many items were taking up space. I didn't really need all those baby bottles in there- our "baby" no longer needed them.
So, as I cleaned, and tossed out items, I prayed for insight into what I needed to get rid of in my life.
During this time, events of the past few weeks were also very real to me ~ emotions and all.
One very big realization was that I still was allowing fear motivate me!
"OK, Father, then let me see where my fears lie," I told Him. And He did...slowly, lovingly, and firmly.
Fear of failure.
Fear of abandonment.
Fear of betrayal. Fear of being judged.
Fear of never being forgiven.
Fear of not having what I need.
Fear of being all alone.
Fear of being without purpose.
Fear of being hurt.
Old fears, yet they seemed different. Why? Because since I last faced them, I had changed.
I no longer lied to protect myself. I no longer avoided people to escape the pain.
But I did still feel the fear. What had never changed was the Father.
He is the same today as He was when He walked with Adam and Eve in the garden.
He is the same as He was when He comforted Elijah in his fears.
And He will be the same when the worst of my fears may come to pass.
My fears are not from Him.
(2 Tim 1:7 NIV) For God did not give us a spirit of timidity, but a spirit of power, of love and of self-discipline.
God's peace guards my heart and my mind in Christ.
(Phil 4:7 NIV) And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
I can do all things through Christ- He strengthens me.
(Phil 4:13 NIV) I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
I have a purpose in being here ~ an eternal purpose.
(Eph 2:10 NIV) For we are God's workmanship, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
He will supply all my needs.
(Phil 4:19 NIV) And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.
I am His child.
(Rom 8:16 NIV) The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God's children.
He will never leave me alone.
(Heb 13:5 NIV) Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."
He has forgiven me completely.
(Col 2:13 -14 NIV) When you were dead in your sins and in the uncircumcision of your sinful nature, God made you alive with Christ. He forgave us all our sins, having canceled the written code, with its regulations, that was against us and that stood opposed to us; he took it away, nailing it to the cross.
He does not condemn me.
(Rom 8:1 NIV) Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus,
I am spiritually alive right now!
(1 John 5:11 NIV) And this is the testimony: God has given us eternal life, and this life is in his Son.
That peace I sought was there all along. It had nothing to do with my circumstances. It has everything to do with "abiding in Him." He never changes. If I stay with Him, my peace will never leave. And if I am feeling a sense that I have lost that peace, then it is because I has strayed away from Him... and all I need to do is grab onto Him, and the peace is mine again!
Copyright 1999 Glenda Bell
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