From Victim to Victor

Who and where we are, at some point becomes our choice.

A child becomes a victim the moment she/he is abused.

That is the choice of the perpetrator. Because the child has no choice of her role, she becomes the victim. As such, her emotions become captive to the perpetrator. Her self image and identity become products of an act she had no control over.
A role is placed on that child through no fault of her own.

What follows is a natural progression of a disease. At first there are no symptoms, and life goes on as before. This is possible because of the gift of repressed memories. The child can store the pain along with the memories in the dark corner of her mind. It is out of sight, and “out of mind.” Unfortunately, in the dark, it grows, unnoticed for a long time.
The infection slowly leaks out into the personality of the child. Instead of open, loving acceptance of others, a whisp of fear and distrust begins to grow.
The infection becomes an abscess...deepening and spreading. The years roll by, life goes on, and the child grows. As with all children, the changes in the body bring corresponding changes in the psyche of the child.

Choices are different for this child.

Pain is perceived differently for this growing personality.

Self perception is distorted, but not necessarily observed as such.
As the grade school years come and go, friendships are made, but always the choice is affected by the growing abscess. Only those that can't add to the abscess's pain are chosen...or those that can not see it. Consequently, few close relationships occur. And if they do, it's with others enduring the same, unknown disease.

The abscess may still be unnoticed by the middle school years. A young adolescence may be stormier than most. Promiscuous behavior may become the first symptom of the disease process. And just as common, may be a perfectionist, overachieving behavior. But even now, to the untrained eye, all may seem well. By now the abscess has reached beyond the heart, and traveled to every part of the body. Other, "real" diseases are more frequent. Self mutilating or destructive behavior may be seen as part of "accident prone" or "awkward" years.

Cries for help are in code.... desperately wanting to be broken.

The need to hide the abscess becomes intense by the teen years. Overachieving, as well as wild behavior may be the dressing chosen to cover the now visible wound.

The more the years roll by, the more difficult it is to hide the festering sore. More and more layers are needed to completely cover it. And if a glimpse is stolen, the viewer most often is repulsed, but not aware of the real ugliness.
The young adult years may be the most dormant time of this disease process as the child becomes an adult and begins the search for career. But even now the disease affects what type of career field these children chose. Many times a nurturing role is chosen,...or one with great power over others. Hidden pain becomes a driving force--still unknown to the child/adult.
Eventually, the abscess can no longer be restrained. An open festering sore becomes visual, and pain becomes very intense. The desire to scrape away the crusty scab becomes uncontrollable, and definite behavior is evident.

Health begins to fail.

Relationships are destroyed or deserted.

Dreams are forgotten and forsaken. There is an all consuming desire to stop the pain even at the expense of keeping the hidden thing hidden.
Hopefully, at this point, the diagnosis can and will be properly made. The past abuse becomes evident, and the cleaning of the abscess begins. Then it may quickly heal with proper treatment. But with inappropriate or inaccurate treatment, the abscess is not only allowed to grow, but it drives into the soul even deeper.

Self mutilation becomes self destruction.

Layers of bandages become personality disorders.

Pain seeks revenge.

Now only one thing can possibly cure this disease. The abscess must be opened, drained, and thoroughly cleansed. It must heal from the inside out, so that it will never return. In order for that to happen, it must be kept open during the healing phase, no matter how painful. Frequent cleansing and application of medication are needed.

In the case of the abused child/adult, the memories are the abscess, and they must be brought to the surface.

The pain is intense, and very real.

There is no "getting over it."

There is just "enduring it."

As the abscess heals from the inside out, the pain slowly becomes less intense, and each application of the medication takes less time, and brings more relief. A hope of restoration begins to take place.

Plans for life begin to form.

Dreams are reborn.

The child/adult begins a new identity! No longer a victim, but the Victor. When the healing is complete, there may be a scar, but no more pain. There will be a celebration as the patient is released from the treatment. A new life has begun!
Every stage and aspect of this disease and healing become a part of the person afflicted.
God, and God alone, can take the scars of the past and make them into something beautiful..

Where there was pain, He brings peace.

Where there was fear, He gives hope.

Where there was self hatred, He applies God-love.

And where there is death, He gives life.

God has promised to heal our wounds. He has asked us to endure suffering for a little while. He has chosen us as His children, and as such, we are entitled to His inheritance.
He is the Great Physician, and He can heal us completely of our pain. But He cannot do it if we do not let Him clean out the abscess and apply His medicine- His love, His power, and His grace.

None of the process will be wasted, not even the abuse itself. Where a child has been broken, is exactly where He brings the greatest blessings.

Personality becomes not the result of the abuse, but of the healing.

Dreams are not broken by the abuse, but realized through the Spirit.

Strength is not stolen by the abusers, but increased by the Father.

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Freedom From the Chains Of Childhood Abuse

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