The Holy Spirit has become more real to me in the last two years than ever before--and the more I get to know Him, the more amazed I am at the power God has given us humans through the gift of the Spirit.
As I learned to pray in the Spirit, I was aware of a growing desire to know more, and to allow the Spirit to do more in my life. I prayed for God to use me in anyway He wanted- and He lead to me to different areas of ministry....piece by piece.
I knew my past as a nurse and my last 10 years as a "patient" were part of his plan. But I never knew what He had in store for me. As my health has slowly gotten worse, I have clung to Him more, and relied on myself less and less.
Then an opportunity arose for me to become part of a ministry for the ill in our community. How excited I was! I could see how God could use all I have experienced to be a part of this new ministry!!
Yet something was still lacking in me---something very vital to this ministry and my part in it. I felt the void of something I could not define nor find.
And, as He often does, He made it very clear to me where I was lacking in my faith and my obedience! I have always believed in God the healer- and have never put any limits on what I believed He could do. Except in one very personal area.
I had never asked God to heal me, and I had never believed He would. Oh, I believed He could- but for many reasons, had never accepted the possibility that He would.
Through the words of a dear friend, He let me know that until I could come to Him completely with my own illnesses and infirmities, and to give them to Him- to heal if He so desired - that I would be of no use to Him in this ministry!! That was a bitter pill for me to swallow- I was a good, patient, patient. I had not gotten angry at Him nor questioned Him about my illnesses and how they had changed my life. I had never felt it was not fair nor wanted to turn away from Him. So, I seriously thought I was totally in his will in this area of my life.
But I was deep into an area of pride.
It took a loving, confronting friend to open my eyes to this painful truth.
Then it took some heart rendering times alone with Him, searching my own heart and my relationship to Him.
He led me slowly at times, and quickly at others, through the road to where I found myself this week.
Suddenly, it seemed, it was urgent for me to ask for prayer for healing. Understand, I am a very private, shy person who does not like attention drawn to self. To ask for someone else to pray for me was a step out of my pride. To do so in a public place was a step out of my fear. And to submit myself to the actual praying over me by others, was a step into the Spirit.
As they prayed for me, none of my fears mattered, none of my embarrassment nor shame was present, and all I desired was a total filling by the Spirit. I heard the prayers, and I made a conscious choice to let Him do whatever He wanted to do with me at that moment in that place at that time. I was very aware of the presence of God being there with me, of the Spirit doing "something" in me. I had no fear of "what if it doesn't work?" or "I hope no one is watching." All that mattered in that moment was that I was totally in His hands.
When the praying was over, and the tingly sensation I had experienced was gone, I opened my eyes to thank them, and found myself lying on the floor! I was not sure what had happened, but it was okay with me--whatever it was.
Since that evening, the lymph nodes that were completely swollen over my entire body are back to normal. The weakness and pain I was experiencing are gone. Many of the health problems I had still remain---and if they stay or go, is in God's hands. But I am free of fears that have plagued me all my life, and already I see a change in my perspective of the world because of that.
I've discovered a few verses and passages in the scriptures that have new meaning to me, and this is what I'd like to share as part of the Easter story. This is part of the new life we have. Please follow along with me....and as He reveals more, I will share with you!
Oh, how He loves you and me!
The first thing I wanted to understand was why I had fallen down. I spoke to one of the ministers who had prayed for me, and he shared some verses I had read many times, but never seen in this way.
The first is found in John 18:1-9, as Jesus had finished praying in the garden, and just before His betrayal by Judas.
When he had finished praying, Jesus left with
his disciples and crossed the Kidron Valley. On the other side there was
an olive grove, and he and his disciples went into it.
Now Judas, who betrayed him, knew the place, because Jesus had often met there with his disciples.
So Judas came to the grove, guiding a detachment of soldiers and some officials from the chief priests and Pharisees. They were carrying torches, lanterns and weapons.
Jesus, knowing all that was going to happen to him, went out and asked them, "Who is it you want?"
"Jesus of Nazareth," they replied. "I am he," Jesus said. (And Judas the traitor was standing there with them.)
When Jesus said, "I am he," they drew back and fell to the ground.
Again he asked them, "Who is it you want?" And they said, "Jesus of Nazareth."
"I told you that I am he," Jesus answered. "If you are looking for me, then let these men go."
This happened so that the words he had spoken would be fulfilled: "I have not lost one of those you gave me."
The word "fell down" in Greek is "pipto" and means " to fall, collapse, to bow down, or to die."
There are other verses in the New Testament with this verb and the same type of reaction being described. I want to share just a few with you here:
Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
(Christ experienced the same intense reaction ! His was a reaction to the stress his body was under facing His coming persecution. Even in this area, He knows how we feel! How awesome that He would chose to suffer that for us!)
So they brought him. When the spirit saw Jesus, it immediately threw the boy into a convulsion. He fell to the ground and rolled around, foaming at the mouth.
(Here a demonic spirit faces Christ---and as a result, the body it was "infesting" fell to the ground. That's not saying it's always a case of demons---but a reminder that the demons believe and tremble!)
On coming to the house, they saw the child with his mother Mary, and they fell down and worshiped him. Then they opened their treasures and presented him with gifts of gold and of incense and of myrrh.
(The wise men when they saw the Christ child had the same reaction!!!!)
"All this I will give you," he said, "if you will bow down and worship me."
Satan so wants to be treated like God, that he wanted Jesus to react to him the way other humans react to Him. It will never be!!!! The word "pipto" is sometime translated as "bow down" in some versions, but it is the same word! So satan, wanted Christ to fall at his feet. :-)
I hope this has been an eye-opener for you and one that will cause
you to do some of your own searching- both in your heart and in the Word!
More will be coming as God leads!