In 1984: My initial reaction of disbelief and dismay was overcome by anxiety and fear. There was a tremendous amount of anxiety associated with hearing the synthetic voices. I was acutely aware of the presence of someone following me, but not paranoid. I was fearful of what the perpetrators would do to me. I was alone and isolated in Southern California. The anxiety and fear transformed into depression in Texas. I could see no hope through most of 1984. I gave up on life in 1985 after a reappearance of the synthetic voices. I believed I would go insane when it was revealed to me that the privacy of my thoughts had been violated. I realized my life would never be normal again. I wanted to flee but there was no where to run. Antidepressants were my closest friends between 1985 and 1987. They nullified the emotional pain.
In 1888, developing a belief in God and a living a spirit filled life renewed my hope for the future. I was able to weather the emotional storms without fainting. However, the 2 pronged attacked I experienced in 1993 sent me on an emotional roller coaster. The combination of synthetic voices, sleep deprivation, forced dreaming, castration and the manipulation of my heart could be classified as emotional assault and battery. The death of my therapist in 1995 left me traumatized again. To date, there is no closure in my life. I often feel lonely even with friends. I have been denied intimacy in my life. I live in an alternate reality.
Mikey
© Copyright. No portion may be edited or reprinted without written permission of the victim. TeleBio, 1999.