1. suppose
what if you had
this little piece of magic
that you felt could do no wrong?
though every time you held it
a certain way
it would hurt you,
you still treasured it and
prayed you'd never lose it...
and what if you shared
that magic with another person
who said she didn't enjoy it?
who, because it hurt her
one too many times,
took it and trampled it,
ripped it from your hands
and tore it to shreds
and threw it at your feet
and left you sobbing over
the broken pieces that
you knew you'd never be able
to glue back together.
what if she took
your most valued possession
destroyed it
and claimed she still loved you?
and what if your best friend
came along and
swept up the pieces
and put your piece of magic
back together
and shared it with her?
and what if,
in its second incarnation,
she liked it?
would you hate?
would you care?
or would you hold
the same feelings for each
that you held before?
or would you, with no
harshness,
forget them both...move on?
what comes next?

2. as neptune's sea
you made me feel so pretty
you held me in your hands
like purple rose in bloom
the water of your (love)
nourished me and filled
my cells with your sweet poison
and i soaked it in
i let you inject your
[liquid death]
and i drowned myself
in a love that was
as deep and wide
as neptune's sea
and you carried me through
told me you needed me
but it was i
who depended on you
trusted you to give me life
and believed every word
you said
but how was i to know
it was not true?
when you might be
generous with truths
how should i know
what might be a lie?
how could i know
i was being used?
that you attached yourself
to my heart?
that you pulled the life
from me and were thirsty
for more blood?
and you did that
and made me happy?
you controlled my life
so deftly that the more
you hurt me
the happier i felt
but that has to stop
that when you detach
yourself from me
i think i shall not live
is wrong
when you lie out of my reach
and still hold me in your hand
it's time for me to stop
-now-
i was only your puppet
but now i'm cutting strings
lest you should push and
throw me around for
as long as i should live
and keep me running back
to you
as long as i should love
but that will not happen
you'll never own me
like you did before
like the phoenix
i shall rise again
throw your ashes
from my wings
and i'll fly
without you
and i'll be strong

3. the storm
what happened?
just yesterday i felt
so strong
that i could conquer
what came across my path
then suddenly it went
(away)
a feeling i'd not known before
i felt i must
succumb to death
then anger overtook me
mad at (god)
disgusted with existence
pissed that every
-mountaintop
should throw me back
to start again
back at the bottom
losing grip
reality would not interest me
i wanted only to destroy
take the ruins of my
happiness
and burn them down
scatter the ashes
in the sea
never to be found again
[HATE] [FEAR] [ANGER]
(loneliness)
the storm before the calm
the rains that wash away
everything you want to lose
that leave you clean inside
ready to move on
and leave behind
what can not be
torrential floods of emotions
i didn't know what
or how
to feel
love-longing-loss
relief-release
confusion
but it all comes out
eventually
i learned what i must do
and it's something
only i can know
not to be explained in words
but felt and held
only in my own heart
and what happened?
it's all a blur
but i don't care to know
i'm looking forward
and my hands are dripping wet
with the water that washed her
-away-