how many times
must i suffer
hearing your voice
penetrate
this cloud
in which
i hide...
this cloud
which i've created
to protect
myself
from you
and from
the world...
...?
how many times
must i endure
interrogations
from you
and others
and plea bargains
as you beg me
to spare my
own life...
before i'm
allowed
to retreat
to this cell
that i've set aside
for me...?
how many times
must i watch
as you praise
the other
for his flaws
before you
turn around
and condemn me
for my own?
how many times
must i push
you away
because i don't
believe the pain
you plant
in your eyes
to make me
think you care
for me?
no longer
will i stand by
and let you
take advantage
of who i am
while i try
so desperately
to be honest
about who
i am trying
to be
i won't
stand down
and deny myself
the pleasure
of being free
within myself
only to be
the person
you think
i should be
i'm finished
putting off
my own
expectations
for who i am
going to be
and taking in
yours
for me to be
someone you already
know
how many times
are you going
to reject
someone you've
never met
in favor of
making him
someone he
does not want
to be?