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Grover @t the Restaurant
 
This is a sadistic tale of what happens when an optimistic waiter and an equally eager customer meet in the real world.
 
Date of publishing: 1 August 1998
 
Introduction
This is the sort of story that you wish you knew about when you were younger so that life through the eighties and the bulk of the nineties could have been that much more enjoyable. It's such a pity that this script wasn't published earlier – but you should be thankful that it is here at all. It took an enormous team of many thousands of highly qualified theologians, philosophers and Hollywood script writers eighteen long and painful years at the collar and whip to create the final product that you see below. So when you do read over the script, think deeply about the hard work poured into deducing the plot, themes, characterisation and dialogue of the script. And don't forget that you were lucky you weren't chained and hoarded off to write it up like many other unsuspecting people of the earth were. 

Ar-harr-haaa!!!
 

WARNING: IF YOU ARE NOT PREPARED TO LAUGH, DO NOT READ PAST THIS LINE.
_____________________________________________________________________
 
IF YOU ARE PREPARED TO LAUGH, YOU AGREE WITH THE BELOW AGREEMENT:
I agree to laugh at the jokes and funny lines, and I will also fulfil this bonus pledge:
 
I will email ten of my friends and tell the rest of the world about this magnificent page which will then be used as an essential instrument for reducing worldwide boredom and depression.
_____________________________________________________________________

Good, you agree. And don't forget what you agreed to do. Information to remind you is at the bottom of the scarey tale.
 

 
THE SCENE:

Grover is at the restaurant serving a customer who has for an unknown reason entered, sat down and is wishing to order his meal of lunch.
Grover:     Welcome, sir, to this food restaurant. May I please take your order?
Customer: Yes. I would like a cheeseburger with fries – oh! with a pickle.
Grover:     Certainly sir. I will go get your order.
Customer: Hey! Aren't you going to write down my order? You need to know what I've ordered. Grover:      No sir! I do not need to write down your order. My brilliantly trained waiter's mind will
                   remember -perfectly- your order just as you told it.
Customer: Without writing it down? I don't believe you.
Grover:     -Ahem-! I am preparing to remember -perfectly- your order. Now, what do you want? Customer: I want a cheeseburger with fries and a pickle.
Grover:     A cheeseburger with pies and a pickle...
Customer: Fries!
Grover:     -Excuse me sir!-... "Big cheese round, on a bun; fries and pickle, yum yum yum!"
                   There you go sir, now I remember your order perfectly. Now let me go get it.
Customer:  Hey wait! Do you know who I am?
Grover:      No. What's your name?
Customer:  No, don't you know who ordered that order?
Grover:      Hmm... "Beady eyes and big blue head, he's the one who's to be fed." Voilà
                   monsieur. Now may I get your order? Good.
 
The waiter leaves for kitchen.
Then the waiter returns with a tangelo under a bun with a fry and pickle on top.
 

Grover:     Here you go sir. Your complete meal.
Customer: I didn't order that!
Grover:     Yes you did. I am only here to please.
Customer: No I didn't.
Grover:     Oh yes you did! You must remember that I have a perfectly trained mind in
                  remembering orders. And you don't... please don't say that you have forgotten your
                  order already?
Customer: I know that I didn't order what you've given me. What did you write down?
Grover:     What did I write down...? Where's my notebook?
Customer: You didn't write anything down.
Grover:     I didn't? How stupid of me.
Customer: You said you would remember...
Grover:     Yes! Yes I did. And I do. Now what did you order again?
Customer: I ordered a cheeseburger...
Grover:     Oh yes! I remember what I remembered: "Big cheese round, on a bun; fries and
                  pickle, yum yum yum!" Sir, that looks like what you ordered if ever I saw it. It is right
                  in front of you. See – there's a fry and over there is a...
Customer: But that's not what I ordered! Are you sure you have the right customer?
Grover:     Hmm... [peering intently at customer] "Beady eyes and big blue head, he's the one
                  who's to be fed." Yes. You are unmistakably the person who ordered that order.
Customer: But waiter. I didn't order what you've given me. This isn't a cheeseburger with fries and
                  a pickle.
Grover:     It isn't? Hmmm...what did you order?
Customer: [Argh!] A cheeseburger with fries and a pickle!
Grover:     Well, why did you order this then? Why did you deliberately try to waste my precious
                  time? I am a very busy waiter you know. Your dilly-dallying does my reputation or the
                  appetites of the other hungry customers no good.
Customer: What other customers?... Well then could I please have my cheeseburger with fries and
                  a pickle?
Grover:     What? You're ordering a second order along with that? You must be very hungry...
Customer: No! I'm just ordering what I ordered in the first place.
Grover:     Reorder? I've just brought it to you!
Customer: Could I order a cheeseburger with fries and a pickle?
Grover:     Certainly sir. It would be my utmost pleasure.
 

The waiter exits, taking wrong order away with him.
Then he returns with a tangelo under a bun with a fry and a pickle on top.
 

Grover:     Sir, I just remembered. This was your order. Now let me attend to another hungry
                   client.
Customer: Wait! What about my order?
Grover:     Oh! You ordered me to replace your order with the same order as you ordered in your
                  first order...that is the same as I gave you to begin with.
Customer: Excuse me Mr Waiter, sir, I want a cheeseburger with fries and a pickle... please?
Grover:     A cheeseburger with fries and a pickle.
Customer: A cheeseburger with fries and a pickle.
Grover:     A cheeseburger with fries and a pickle. That reminds me of another order I made not
                  long ago...-Ahem!- My waiter's memory is about to think... "Big cheese round,
                  on a bun; fries and pickle, yum yum yum!"
Customer: [Sigh] Could you go get my order?
Grover:     Certainly, sir. You are most welcome. I will go rectify your order.
 

And so the waiter takes up wrong order, turns around to go, exits towards the kitchen, looks at clock and turns in midstride going back to the customer.
 

Grover:     No I won't, sir, I will not get your order.
Customer: [Groan] What's wrong now? Why not?
Grover:     Because I do not have to serve customers any more. It is my lunchtime.
Customer: What about me? And my meal?
Grover:     Here's your order sir, your "Big cheese round, on a bun; fries and pickle, yum yum
                  yum!"; see, I still remember what you ordered, even after so long a time. Now eat and
                  enjoy your meal.
Customer: But you haven't fixed my order.
Grover:     Sir your meal is not my responsibility off-duty. Now let me leave... Gee I'm hungry. I
                   think for my lunch today I will have a delicious meal of a cheeseburger with fries
                   -oh!- and a pickle on top...yum yum yum! –yum man!!!


The End!

Wasn't that JUST SO hilarious?!? [Come back here you!] Now, since you've read it, you have the liberty and free time to email ten correspondents and tell them about this amazing script which has been painfully made for their enjoyment...

Signed: Jezza Jones (no autographs please) 
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