The Pimp Commandements

These commandements are the basis for the Pimp Lifestyle. Every Pimp must endure a rigorous training program, and must memorize these ten rules to live by. Should a Pimp cross paths with another, higher level Pimp Master, he must recite these ten commandements or fear bitch slaps and humiliation. Read them well my pupil, for this is your backbone, your strength, and the code of ethics upon which you will base all future actions.

• 1. Your greatest weapon is your backhanded pimp slap, unless your adversary is larger than you, in which case guns, knives, and large blunt objects are equally acceptable.
• 2. The walk of the pimp is one of his most valuable assests. It can attract women, scare off men, and hide the pain of being kicked in the sac by one of your bitches.
• 3. The clothes make the man, and the poleyester makes the ladies man. Remember, the louder, the uglier, the furrier, and the most outrageous clothing is a must.
• 4. The second most important determinate of Pimp status is your car, which should be a 70's era Cadillac, Buick, or other large and in charge vehicle. Chrome, and plush interior are not optional, they are required.
• 5. When speaking, jive talk is preferable or simply cut all the words shorter than they should be, and slur the words together. We do not always want people to completely understand what we are saying, mystery is your friend.
• 6. Should a police officer suspect you are Pimp, simply offer the services of your best ho to appease him, and avoid further difficulty.
• 7. Surround yourself with your element. Your house should be decorated in tacky 70's neon and black, with the plushest furniture you can find. Dim lighting is the key to mystery, and lava lamps do wonders.
• 8. The best Pimp, is the mean Pimp. Do not accept excuses from your bitches, or anyone else for that matter. The Pimp Slap was designed as a counter attack for bitch excuses, so use it.
• 9. While gold chains and rings are the optimal choice, fake gold will do just as well. Look for he least yellow fake gold, and the more of it, the harder it is to tell if it is fake.
• 10. Dolemite is God

Back to the Pimp Ass Page