I CAN'T TELL YOU WHY
BY: ALEX QUEIROLO
AUTHOR'S NOTES:
This story takes place during "KILLED BY DEATH". It is written from Cordelia's POV and is in the first person.
DISCLAIMER:
The characters and events of BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER belong not to me but to Joss "Da Man" Whedon and his most excellent crew of writers. Not to mention the suits at WB, FOX and MUTANT ENEMY. I'm just a lowly FF writer so be gent
le. ;-)
***
Sometimes I try to remember when I started to change. I mean, when did my life become the tag line from Dawson's Creek? You know; the end of something simple and the beginning of everything else...or something inane like that. When did everything swim so
far out of focus that it all actually made sense for the first time. Call that an oxymoron.
I always accepted everything on blind faith. When I was told that by being a certain way, I could pretty much guarantee myself friendship and love, it seemed like a no-brainer. And it was. Those with independant thought need not apply.
And then there was me. I knew the game and I played it like a pro. I did what was expected and walked the right line. Deviation was not a possibility and intelligence not a requirement. So where did I go wrong? And when did I stop caring that I did?
It's this whole Slayerette business. I never wanted anything to do with it. From the first day that I laid eyes on her though..I knew. I knew that our paths would cross and nothing in my life would ever be the same. Of course I never could have imagined j
ust how they would merge. I figured that she would try to knock me from my "throne". She certainly had the looks and the boys were interested so I have to admit that when she initially showed to be a weirdo, I sighed in relief and went back to my simple
existance. Talk about not meant to be.
Maybe it started with Xander. We'd known each other since we were children. All of us ..Willow, Xander and I. Even then we'd walked in different circles. Imagine that...six year olds who can't stand each other. It would have been comical if it hadn't bee
n so devastating. That's not the point though. The point is that somewhere along this crazy line we call life, everything changed courses and my life spun out.
It really started happening...more than just strange sensations...the night before the Coronation and all that. An invisible girl was out to get me and I had to swallow my pride and ask for help. And even then, I wanted to find a way to say that it was al
l a horrible dream but they saved my life. And continued to do so.
God, when did it all change? The night when Buffy died? When Xander saved me from becoming the bride of Darryl or when I finally realized that somehow or another, my life had become connected to theirs despite all of our protests.
And so now, here I am. Driving down Eastdown with a bag of doughnuts on the seat next to me and two mochas in my cup-holder. It was a flash of inspiration or maybe devotion. I don't know and frankly thinking about it gives me entirely too much of a headac
he.
We fought again. Newsflash, huh? This time like many times before it over the almighty Slayer. Who at the moment, ain't all that almighty. She's lying in a hospital bed, probably either sleeping or thinking about whatever weird thing her mind is making up
.
She was delirious and it makes sense that she's trying to create a bad guy to take Angel's place. She hasn't been all that effecient of a butt-kicker lately and it's done some serious damage. But who I am to judge? I mean, if it were Xander instead of Ang
el and I was the Slayer..could I..
Best not to finish that line of thought. Only danger and heartache follows there. This whole relationship thing with Xander already confuses the hell out of me. I mean..we hated each other. True..unbridled passionate hatred and suddenly we're in the close
ts making out. It doesn't track.
Sighing, I turn my car into the parking lot of the hospital. It's almost night. I pick up the coffee and the doughnuts and I get out. What am I doing? Is this insanity?
Does it matter? And if I could stop here, would I?
-FIN
