I go to the darkest part of the room I can,
I crouch, lay my head in my hands and cry.
I feel so lonely and scared, it’s so dark around me,
Why there doesn’t seem to be a way out?
What have I done wrong, why they didn’t get what I was saying?
Didn’t I say it loud enough? Didn’t I say it clear enough?
Every time I hear someone calling my name I freeze.
What they want from me, what they have to say to me?
Will they scream and say that they love me again?
They’re hurting me, can’t they just go away…
I want to be alone, please, someone take them away.
I can taste my tears, they’re screaming again in my mind,
Just like yesterday, like the day before yesterday, every day…
I see them in front of me, I turn my head again and again,
They’re everywhere, it’s so chaotic, I need to get away.
If I only get away, I’ll be safe, I just need to run away…
My feet won’t move, they’re frozen, I can’t move.
They come closer, they clutch on me and tear me apart.
I scream and I cry, nobody hears me, they’re killing me…
I can’t breathe, there’s no voice coming out anymore.
I awake, I can feel the cold sweat on my skin, it’s so cold…
The same nightmare time after time, I don’t want to fall asleep again.
Still I’m so sleepy, a part of me just wants to sleep,
Fall asleep and never wake up.
It all seems to be so unreal, it feels like I’m flying.
I fly over the whitest clouds and see people under me…
They try to reach me, their fingers almost touch me.
I want to go faster but I can’t, they are too strong.
They pull me back… I don’t want them around me.
I want to go away, leave me alone!
I wake up again, my face is wet with tears.
I’m shaking all over. I don’t have strengths to get up.
I just sit there in the corner and cry…
And in my dreams I fly away from them all, they won’t catch me.
I leave it all behind, fly higher than ever, don’t care about them.
I’ll never be back, I’m happy where I am, it’s so beautiful here…
For them I’m gone forever but for me it’s the Heaven…
Written by me 7.7’99
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