June18, 2003
yeah, i haven't updated in awhile. I can't remember what all happened exactly in the last ten days. I went swimming at darryl's house 2 days ago, that was fun stuff. We talked about guns and shit, and I actually had a clue what it was about, (cause normally i'm clueless about cars, and that's normally a lot of the conversation also). But then I had to go to work, which got shortened at least due to thunder. And today I recieved an unexpected invite from laura, and chelle, and amanda to come tell them tolkien stores or something ;). a little weird, yes, and they insulted me and said I was bad at telling stories, but I warned them that I was, so heh. It's kind of funny to hang out with girls sometimes though, they're pointless and they dumb everything down to a discussion about some form of "cuteness", but still funny. And they gave me a pancake.
Now I think i'll get a little deeper. There's a line in a song I like that reads "If another angel, says just grin and bear it, I might be forced to smash it's head, against a wall. If another angel, says just grin and bear it, I might be forced to smash it's fucking head against a wall. And never sin again, against myself." Now, in the past, I've always liked that line because of the nature of defiance and denial in the first portion that repeats itself. But just recently it finally occured to my slow ass that those last 6 words are oh so critical. If one is going to denounce organized religion, then all responsibility for life falls upon oneself. There is no higher being who can take your falls for you, and wash your soul "white as blood". All that I do is a reflection upon me, and this idea of self-responsibilty never quite hit fully upon me until now. I am not accountable to anything, including my fellow man, for all I know he and everything else exist only in my own mind. The existance of "me" is the only certainy. However, I still can't imagine this understanding will ever spark a change in my lifestyle. Tis depressing.
On a lighter, but certainly not happy, note; I think Mickey quit working at the aquatic center, If i'm right I'll never see that one again.
June 8, 2003
Let's see, earlier this week i played laser tag with the guys, i think... I may be totally wrong and that may have actually happened a long time ago, I'm losin' track of time really. Last night was fun though, after we closed the pool I hung out with Mickey in the great city of Monroe for a few hours. We snuck into the movie theatre there in town, and saw part of "2 fast 2 furious" which happens to be a retardedly horrible movie. Then we ransacked wal-mart, and she got us kicked out because she got caught sneaking some sort of anal-cream stuff into a woman's shopping cart =). *sigh* some people are so humourless. But we succesfully did the same thing to about 5 other people before that, along with some other typical wal-mart antics, so I'd say our trip was an overall success. But work is driving me crazy, I was losing my mind by the time my shift was over tonight... I was just making up rules and yelling at kinds to obey them in hopes of ruining all their fun and causing them to just go home! but yeah, i'm calm... goodnight.
June 1, 2003
Yo, so i went to the mountains this weekend, but it was all work and no play and thus rather dull... =). But I went to see "the italian job" with Rob and Eric Baucom, good time, no doubt. It was actually a rather funny movie as well as a good one too. Go see it. This week.. I work a lot, like 7.5 hours a day everyday... anyone have a clue how long a day that is for a lifeguard... geeze. and Oh Shit! eric rudolph got captured?!? that's crazy, that boy shoulda been chillin' in cananda years ago. Now he'll get blamed for all that shit they put on him, and I doubt he did most of it, almost definately not the atlanta bombing.
May 28, 2003
Well I guess it's early wednesday morning. I'm not sure what I want to say so bad... I don't think the life I am on course to lead at this point will ever suit me. College is not where I belong, I feel certain of this... but I also feel like there is no other way for me to go. Like I'm on some neverending staircase and going to college is merely the next step I have to take, I cannot stay still, there is no way for me to get off.. it seems my only option, i hate it. I know the reason for this is my mind lacks any real substance, but I can't make myself do anything about it. Up until now all i've had are a bunch of outlandish ideas that I was never really devoted to... I worked it all out but never cared to do anything more. Now i've reached some sort of philosophical dead end, this is a horrible end for me to come to. It all means nothing, and I am dejected. I often wonder why it isn't reasonable for me to just end it, just to see what really happens???
I've always tried to think of myself as some lone wolf who just doesn't give a shit, but I can only fool myself. Though the idea grants me some satisfaction, true loneliness is a great source of discontent to me. Being around friends will allow one to forget for that particular time, and this combined with my earlier "introspection" was enough to sustain me in my high school years, but now I see that the place I intend to remain at for a few years has no good friends, and I can no longer find anything I care to think about... this is dire. And it is in this moment that I chose to abandon my one saving grace, and a grand one at that... but I see that I cannot concern myself about it anymore if I'm to make it. Such a presence took 18 years of life to present itself, I have no reason to expect it will happen again before another 18, no matter... I'm prepared to go the distance. Though I dread it. =/
May 27, 2003
Well, I went to the doctor this morning and they stole my blood =(. I'm pretty bored now, but I'll prolly go somewhere with andrew and matt later today hopefully. I wish I could say what i really have to say, but this is the internet after all, it would be a mistake to record what i'd want to. =/ take care.
May 25, 2003
Well, what have I done in the last few days? That day that it rained a whole bunch I went with rob and jacob to Speed Street and saw third eye blind play 4 songs...whoo hoo =/. And I got soaked, though that was actually rather fun, and only a little miserable. So yeah, that was pretty fun anyhow. And then some time or another I went to see "Bruce Almighty" with laura and darryl and andrew, which was a pretty funny movie, and we went to some ice cream place and ate ice cream,... of course. Oh and I started work at the monroe aquatic center yesterday, a boring job, though it's easy money I guess. Anyhow, I'm not gonna say anything meaningful at this point, so i'll just shutup. good evening. ;)
May 21, 2003
Yesterday I went to see "Anger Management" with andrew kim. On the way to the Regal I learned everything I think i'll ever care to know about airplanes. Anyway, the movie was reasonably funny, but it was made all the more humourous by andrew's insane laughter. At first we were the only two people in the theater, so it was fun just being able to talk, then about half way through these two girls came in, and they were annoying because they would only laugh whenever we laughed. We even tested it by laughing when there wasn't even a joke, and they would laugh quite merrily, and not laughing when there was a joke... silence, I dislike weak-willed people. Today I went to town and tried to buy a bathing suit, but I couldn't find a good one. Anyway, that's all I got. later.
May 19, 2003
yeah, lets see, on friday I hung out at Brad's house for a while , then was forced to leave to attend a wedding rehearsal dinner, and then a wedding the next day. Cole came home for the weekend, which was good, and on saturday night I went and saw reloaded again. That fucking architect makes me laugh, he's great. I can't really remember what I did Last night... oops. But now I'm here in my very own room listening to Tomorrow Come Today, and all is well.
May 15, 2003
Hey, went and saw MATRIX RELOADED, excellent movie really, looked a little disappointing at first, but it got MUCH better. It got quite interesting where Neo began talking to "the source" but hell, i better not say the details. Hung out with matt, steven, and adam, fun stuff... that's all except that i'm definately working at the aquatic center now, and I like my "protest is patriotism" t-shirt.
May 12, 2003
yeah, so the last few days have been good, I got home on saturday for the summer, and it looks like i'll be working at the monroe aquatic center as a lifeguard. Anyways, last night i went and ate at applebess with matt, courtney, and steven, during which we all had a funny as hell conversation.. then went and saw X-men2 with matt and steven, which is a damn good movie. So that was a good evening. And i think i may go see AFI at tremont if i can find the time. but I'll have to see how that's gonna work out. take care all...
May 8, 2003
phew....... I'm tired. So BSF rocked! as much as I expected, but the other three bands really kinda sucked, well it wasn't so much that they sucked than the crowd was really kinda sad and mellow. Geeze though, the sheer fury of being in the crowd while bsf plays is just so much more than any other band i've seen, the people aren't just there to crowd surf and beat on others, they really give a shit about the message. But in any case, i was at the place for about 6 hours till 1am, then I had to drive my ass all the way back to raleigh, and then when I got there I to walk back to my dorm from the place where i can park my car, which isn't a very pleasant walk at 3am by the way. So it was more of a brisk jog, but I felt adventurous so it's all good.
May 6, 2003
stand in line take a number you sell your soul then watch it crumble
into a pile of rubble that used to be
your job
your life
your family's daily bread dry and stale malnourished kids
the house is sold for a degrading bid
do we continue to talk or do we take a hammer to their chains!
do we continue to talk or do we take a hammer to their chains!
-"when rhetoric dies" bsf
Hell yeah, all my exams are done, except java, but that doens't count. Anyway, I'm free to go home and see Boy Sets Fire in charlotte tomorrow, that'll rock undoubtedly. I really gotta find someone who will go to a freaking concert with me though, I pretty much end up alone at all of them, which is fine... but it gets tiresome standing around when no one is playing. But i'm not getting into my lack of cool friends. anyways, I'm pumped! I don't think i'd even sleep tonight if i didn't know that I won't be getting any sleep tomorrow night (with the driving back up here madness). I forgot what all I did in the last few days, so I guess you miss out =). mainly exams, which suck, but i did okay I think on them. night all.
May 1, 2003
Whoa! it's definately May now... odd that. yeah, last night I played Halo with my future suite mates, Barnibus and Joseph. They kicked my ass to no end... damn video-game addicts *smirks*. 7 more days of school, and about 10 till i'm home for summer. right on...
April 30, 2003
Last night i went to CiCi's with some folks, man that place rocks, all you can eat for like 3.5 bucks
unless you buy a drink. And on the way back to campus we had a huge argument about the best way to fix this exit ramp that takes way to sharp a turn and forces the driver to slow down in order not to be flipped. Aaron claimed a spinning platform that the car just drives onto and travels on the platform in a big spriling downward circle would actually work, we all disregarded his comments as usual. Adam and Ian said something about a tunnel... i don't know... didn't really make any sense. My idea however was to place a frictionless wall as sort of a guard rail that the cars just drive into as fast as they wish and get automatically guided down the ramp, which i think any sane person would agree is the most cost effecient and effective method of solving the problem.
April 28, 2003
any grim resolution is always accompanied by blissfully bitter peace...
Tonight i went to chapel hill and hung out with jenifer and keri. Reasonably fun stuff, I scaled their dorm and we played hacky sack, which they suck at to no end. Although Steve can do a nice standing back-flip, i was impressed... have a nice night. =D
April 27, 2003
I went home this weekend... I was gonna go to a concert, but it sold out before i got there, essentially leaving me with nothing to do on that saturday night, so on the way home i just stopped at the cheap movie theater and saw daredevil, which is a shitty movie except that some of the fights were pretty cool, and the chick was hot, and i guess that's what it's all about anyway, so i suppose it wasn't a bad movie. But seriously, they could have used a better villain than Bullseye, a guy whose super power is that he can hit the "bullseye". Anyway, what a damned bastard of a weekend, but fortunately the secondary purpose of my return home pulled through, which was that I got to bring my car back up here, so now I can drive home and see Boy Sets Fire next wednesday. I feel dejected...
April 22, 2003
Today.... I vommited a lot. woke up and like a dumbass ate two bowls of cereal for breakfast then realized i had to swim a 450 for time about 20 minutes later. Now i haven't actually swam any in that class since before spring break, and a 450 is tough, so I promptly vomited after climbing out of the pool. So then i'm sitting in my room later that day, and it occurs to me that i have a bottle of milk in my fridge that's been there since before spring break. So again, like a dumbass i opened it up and smelled it to see if it was rancid... whereupon i vomited again. and tonight after taking my physics test i didn't actually vommit, but i certainly felt like it. so, i'm dubbing today, april 22, The Day of Vomit! but someone is going to have to tell me if it's spelled with two m's, or just one. =). anyway, goodnight all.
April 21(yes...again), 2003
I really fucking hate it when you're working in a partnership on some sort of work, and the person you're working with has no bloody clue what the hell is going on, yet is constantly inputing information and questioning what you've managed to do when they weren't successfully breaking every ounce of your concentration. *grimaces* This week is going to bite my ass with much fury. A test every day, this blasted java project(see previous statement) to complete, and I'm dying to escape from this college (though i fear home won't prove any better for me) now that I'm down to the last two weeks of the year. God, i just need some sort of solid companionship, I had it in abundance not so long ago... now it's just, the people around me up here, i can't stand them... I just wanna get away from them all for a long time.
April 21, 2003
The past week was easter break, so i went home, thus the reason i couldn't update this thing. The first couple days i just sat around the house, then on friday I went to laura's lakehouse, which was nice seeing those people again. And then saturday and most of sunday I went up to the mountains with my parents. I kyaked (sp?) down the river, and saw a beaver! then I went fishing for awhile, which was good stuff. the rest of my time up there i just read, and i finished the last 300 pages of a 400 page book, which tells you just how much time was included in "the rest of my time".
April 13, 2003
Not a bad weekend, sorry i have nothing of value to say tonight (as if i ever do), but i am going back home for 5 days tuesday evening. Today, i spent 3 hours working on a program that i basically finished in 2 hours yesterday, the one thing that was wrong (that i spent the 3 hours trying to figure out) was some stupid || needed to be &&. how dumb is that? this is why i fear programming, I'm good at doing the stuff, but i always do some small thing that i can never figure out, and i waste my life on it for incredible amounts of time, and then get stressed like mad. But i'm glad i got it done. I guess after i've done it for awhile, i'll get to the point where i can at least find those silly mistakes quickly, when i make them.
April 10, 2003
Not a bad day. Shot well in archery, scored 100 or so from 27 yards. Then I skipped calculus, to study for a java test, which i accordingly did exceptionally well on (i hope). And then we went and ate at El Rodeo for Barney's birthday. And some other good stuff happened as well. It's about 1 now, so i think i'll go on to bed.
and just a point... I've only heard two bob dylan songs... and they're both good (the one posted below, and "blowin' in the wind"), but i don't know about the rest of his stuff. But any man who wrote those two can't be too bad... ya know.
April 9, 2003
Go away from my window
Leave at your own chosen speed
i'm not the one you want babe
i'm not the one you need
you say you're looking for someone,
who's never weak but always strong
to protect you and defend you,
whether you are right or wrong
someone to open each and every door!
BUT it ain't me babe
NO NO NO it ain't me babe
it ain't me you're lookin' for babe
go lightly from the ledge babe
go lightly on the ground
i'm not the one you want babe
i'll only let you down
you say you're lookin for someone
who'll promise never to part
someone to close his eyes for you
someone to close his heart
someone who'll die for you and more
BUT it ain't me babe
NO NO NO it ain't me babe
it ain't me you're lookin' for babe
go melt back in the night
everything in sight is made of stone
there's nothing in here moving
and anyway i'm not alone
you say you're lookin for someone
who'll pick you up each time you fall
to gather flowers constantly
and to come each time you call
a lover for you life, and nothing more
BUT it ain't me babe
NO NO NO it ain't me babe
it ain't me you're lookin' for babe
I like Bob Dylan... he's alright!
I'm mellow tonight '-_-' . Some more BOYSETSFIRE ought to cure that though, lets hope williamson doesn't return soon to ruin my fun
April 6, 2003
Now i had written a nice story but it wouldn't let me post it with the computer at home, and home is exactly where i left it, so I guess all of you lucked out and don't have to read it. I might just post it later though. Anyway, the weekend at home wasn't bad. Friday night i went to see "phonebooth" with darryl and matt. That was the limit of my recreation but saturday i helped my dad do some work to the chicken houses in the morning. That afternoon i went to town at bought "tomorrow come today", which is BoySetsFire's new album, for those who don't know. It kicks as expected, but as a nice suprise it also came with an hour long DVD of footage of the band playing live. They kick ass in concert, and its really making me want to journey back to charlotte and see them on the 7th (of may that is), but i have exams on both the 6th and 8th.... plus i have no car in raleigh..... *sighs*, maybe i can think of something.
March 30, 2003
Gee, I said i was gonna start writing, but i got nothing to say. Not a bad weekend, i spent it most entirely alone. Kinda sucks bein' alone a lot though, i'll need to fix that eventually. But its alright for now. today i bought a cookie, and it was damn good too. later all.
March 26, 2003 **updated**
Hold up, i may consider writing something in here soon, just not tonight. Don't give up hope my two or three faithful guests. See, its all my plan.......... gotta weed out the non-understanders and superficial "listeners" by not giving them their shot of rambling journal writing for a good while. I figure anyone still coming back here, cares enough to know whats goin on. Yeah, not really my plan, i just made it up right now, though perhaps i was subconciously being wise. yeah, thats prolly it. =p
Feb 11, 2003
yup yup, the weekend was good, good thoughts and things have happened. i'm feelin' better, realizing a couple of things better and more clearly. the outlook is just a bit nicer, but that bit seems miles and miles. you may have noticed i repeated a lot of words in this entry, or perhaps you didn't. anyway, i only said that so anyone reading would realize that i noticed it too and would take note that i'm really not such a poor writer.
Feb 7, 2003
Yep, i'm goin home today, for the weekend. Hopefully i can cook up something to do... I don't wanna be bored, but i suppose i will.
February 2, 2003
yeah, so I haven't updated in awhile. Hardly no one comes here anyway. all i have to say is, sometimes you just think you have a friend, and maybe you do... But I begin truly to believe that I do not have a friend at this point. Perhaps its better this way. =/
January 26, 2003
These have been three consistently detestable days. I had gotten out of that pit for just a short while, but now it seems it's going to consume my mind for at least a bit longer.
January 22, 2003
Yo, sorry about not adding anything in here for so long. I was at home this weekend, and the internet there wouldn't let me add any more data to this page for some damn reason. But yeah, I do have sort of an excuse. Anyway, there's no shortage of boredom in my life these days. I can't remember everything thats happened since I last wrote, so perhaps I'll leave it all out, and pick up from here. later.
January 15, 2003
Yeah, so school isn't great, nor is life in general. I'm bored. Some of my classes seem slightly interesting, or maybe they will be eventually. I really wanna hit the mountains this weekend. But now that i think about it, its probably snowed way too much up there for my parents to just let me drive up by myself. So now i don't think thats gonna go through. What i need is a good show to go to, but i don't know of any band thats coming here anytime soon, so oh well to that. All i gotta say is we better get to do SOMETHING in archery tomorrow, besides discuss the "evaluation process". damnation! SCREW YOU HALSTEAD! =)
my word, the boredom i'm experiencing is quite extreme. I should sleep, but i just don't want to. My goal now is to become a master of the internet, from all aspects: webpage design, searching, hacking, security, etc... My logic in this is that I've decided the internet will eventually become more important than the world itself. Once overpopulation becomes so great and the world's resources have been all but exhausted, I believe nearly every person will "live", for the most part in a false world that the internet will become; while the real world serves no other purpose than to to store our physical bodies. And i'm just now realizing that this sounds like "the matrix", I promise "the matrix" was not on my mind when I just wrote out that idea. =), anyway i'm sorry for the weirdness, perhaps now you understand just how bored i really am.
January 13, 2003
So much not interesting stuff has happened the last two days that I'm just not gonna tell you about it, even if I could remember it all. I think there was a lot of RISK being played, but I'm bored with that game now. Yeah, I wish I had more to say. I did add a couple things to the writing section, and I'm working on a nice essay about the nature of Anarchy. I'm sure you're all excited. Who knows if I'll ever finish it though. later....
January 11, 2003
Yeah, a reasonably exciting today. Went to Chapel Hill to visit steve with dustin and adam. She hurt her knee doing cheerleading or something, so she couldn't really walk around with us on campus. But we went to SouthPoint mall, which is freaking huge. We found a fooze ball table for 22 bucks, so Adam bought it. I'm sure we'll put it to good use. Anyway, steve is cool, and its good to see her since I haven't in several weeks. Then we watched "a river runs through it", a damn fine movie in my opinion. It entirely lacks a plot, but it has a point, and that makes it a solid movie as far as I'm concerned.
January 10, 2003
well I went to a couple classes today, but thats really not whats important here. This evening there was an outlandishly bloodthirsty battle for WORLD DOMINATION. Me, dustin, adam, and barnabus played RISK. I won of course, but no one gives me any respect. All they do is bitch at me for never attacking with my armies, while all they do is just attack blindly at practically random places. They've got no concept of where and how to fortify, nor even a basic understanding of simple dice rolling statistics. They'll expend 10 armies in an attempt to gain territory that won't get them half that many back in reiforcements, and of course they never hang on to what they gained cause they can't comprehend fortification. well enough of this, they don't comprehend how to play, and its a fairly simple matter really, yet they've got the audacity to insult me repeatedly, and then when I win its considered pure luck. no respect, and thats why i need new friends. Why don't I get some you ask? well, who knows. Its just me I suppose. I'm goin to chapel hill tomorrow to hang out with steve(keri), ought to be entertaining at the least.
January 9, 2003
yeah, so my P.E. courses are gonna ROCK! intro to java...could go either way, looks like its gonna be a lot of stupidass shit busywork intermixed with the actual learning how to program. I fear all I stand to learn from that class is the syntax for java, and nothing about real programming and being clever and all that good stuff, but we'll see, I really don't understand much at all about programming, so chances are I'll learn some stuff. My calculus teacher looks like he's gonna be a real shmuck. He dresses like joseph pancamo, but he's rather old and seems to be on steroids. And he's always sniffing his nose and talking in this freakin' annoying halty unclear stuttering voice. But he's not takin up homework, and apparently he drops grades, so i've no problem with him, other than that I dread sitting in his class for an hour every weekday. Enough about my life though. hmmm, odd that I say that, because this is a journal about my life, and now i can't say anything else. I know you're all disappointed. I'm pumped, and I just hit my head on the ceiling jumpin' around to the punk groove. night all, but i won't be sleeping for awhile.
January 8, 2003
I'm outta here.
yo, well i'm back up at state. And I seem to be rather bored. I'll find something to do. Class starts tomorrow morning, luckily its just two PE courses though. anyway, quick internet speed is the best thing in the world. No longer a struggle to get on here and type out an entry, or do whatever the hell else I want. Oh my, I don't have a very good feeling about being back up here. You'd think I could make some friends that are more my style, but I can't seem to. I don't think I ever shall either. Same old same old, for another semester.
Damn, I just listened to "landslide" and got so fucking depressed.
January 6, 2003
Today wasn't an eventful day. I just got all itchy from pulling a hundred or so fiberglass posts out of the ground, and I helped my dad put up a door on his shop. I return back to college on wednesday morning, I have mixed feelings about leaving, but I'll be back home visiting sometime soon I guess. Gosh, this entry was poorly written.
January 5, 2003
Today wasn't such a bad day really. I overslept for church =p, and then chilled around the house all day except for working on that fence some. This evening I watched Enemy at the Gates. A damn fine movie really. Its about a sniper hero in the soviet army during world war 2. Lots of violence and cool sniper-type action scenes, and a love story. But most importantly they tied everything into communist philosophy, and precisely why it doesn't work. Because there will always be envy in some man's heart. Not just envy over riches, but love as well, or just a smile. Communisim never really stood a chance of making every man economically equal, but to make every man truly equal in mind, body, and possesion is a task nothing could accomplish. Not a monumental concept, but its always good when a movie incorporates any sort of decent theme, even if it's just a simple one.
January 4, 2003
I went to matt waters' birthday deal at applebees. There were a good number of people there, and I met a couple of new folk, so that was a positive. Then we played some laser tag, but I didn't do particularly well. Then back to matt's house where there a large amount of hitting and fighting, which is also good. So not a bad night really. Other than that I'm just ready to head on back to college where I can maybe be released from this torturous mind prison I've trapped myself in over break. I suppose all that's left for me to do is just to forget my problem, as I see now that it won't ever be resolved.
January 3, 2003
fence, jillians, drunken master. In that order.
FURY!! probably no one will know what i'm talking about, but why do I persist in the way I have been going the last few weeks. It is obviously sending me farther away from the goal it is meant to help me attain. (there was a poem in this spot but i deleted it. It was a dumb poem anyway, written by and about the same fool who always persists in the path that is obviously the more foolish.) I feel that i should break away, but that i should return to this mindset from time to time, to remind me. To give a softer edge to what i will become again. I will revert. Its only a matter of time as things are heading now.
January 2, 2003
Yesterday evening i successfully installed linux without formatting and thus deleting my entire hardrive and having to reinstall every single thing. That was very good. This morning I was supposed to eat lunch with some friends at Monterey's, but I went to entirely the wrong one, so I ventured over to nicole's house and hung out there for the duration of the afternoon. we rented austin powers 3 and watched that. A reasonably funny movie, but i think its just a bit too hard to continue to a third movie in a comedy and it still be funny. And she is horribly critical of my driving too. Then we watched music video stations, which are interesting to watch i suppose, but no one should expect to gain anything from watching such foolishness. Who can tell what is honest and inteligent when everything related to it and the thing which broadcasts it is based purely on creating an image which will intrigue american youth into gazing at it long enough for them to sell some products. Whatever might be done through it with the intent of creating a message or a meaning is lost in the ocean of near unlimited marketeers and executives bent on tricking you to think there is substance in the shit they are selling and telling to you in order to make a profit or at most determine for you how to live. Its nice to get to see nicole, but I suppose there's little joy left in it for her, and thus little for me as well. In any case, she ran me off at about 6:00 under the pretense of needing to read The Jungle, so I proceeded to eastlin(sp?) mall with some friends and hung out there until going to wal-mart, creating a little havoc with catboy, and then heading back home.
January 1, 2003
Last night I hung out for new years with matt, darryl, burleson, andrew kim, and dustin. Not a horrible evening, but they all refused to do anything exciting. Some of them are just all about goin back to someone's house and watchin a movie everyone's seen 5 times already, which pissed me off a bit cause i kinda felt like getting into some action last night. I was pumped. Instead the most exciting part of the evening was watching them fire a few bottle rockets off in kiker's backyard, a couple of which were fired at me. But hey, they're still cool people to hang out with, and they can be hilarious when they're not boring as hell. But i can be boring as hell too sometimes, so I've not really any room to talk. Then today i went to piedmont and skated for a good while, didn't do so well, and hurt my wrist. But thats what its all about I suppose. So I took a break and went into monroe, walked around the mall, got bored there. So I had the excellent idea of going to play the guitars at guitar center, but it was closed. So I went to media play, bought nothing, and then back to piedmont to skate some more. This time I really managed to bust it up. I got the ollie down pat (I'm not so great right now, as I'm essentially just learning to skate), I could consistently get the board to stick to my feet in the air, which feels so nice when you can appreciate how difficult it is to get even that good. Then i went over to an oversized curb (about a foot high), and ollied up it. I landed that about five times in a row, and went back home feelin pretty good.
December 30, 2002
Today="the day of brooding"
I went to the mountains with my parents, in order to work on the cabin. Its a solid 3 hour drive each way. Thats six freaking hours with nothing to do but just sit and think. Plus I had to stand around a lot while we were working on the cabin, as my dad really only needed me to lift a big door for him, which happens to be the only reason I was there (A task which involved about 5 minutes). So tack about 4 hours to the driving total. THATS 10 HOURS TO DO NOTHING BUT BROOD! you have any idea what that does to a man? replaying so many scenes from my past, trying to recall things that are just deeply hidden, trying to figure out the path that led me down from that high place I was in not so long ago. do you understand how many horrible things a man can think in 10 hours, how many times he can reenact those same things, see the mistakes he so blatantly made, and regret them; but still understand that that's the fellow he was then, and respect the fellow that he was, and wish he was that fellow now? Do you see how twisted a man's mind might become when this pathos seems logical, when he sees that it is logical?
oh man, I can feel it coming back to me now.
December 29, 2002
Hey, what a day. BOOOOOOOORRRRRRDOOOOOOOMMMME. I'm spending tomorrow at the mountains. And thats all i have to say about that. Also I'm sick of black people who want repairations for their ancestors having been enslaved.
December 28, 2002
Yeah, today was a bit on the boring side. Cole left to go back to Norfolk. And I skated for just a little while. Other than that the only thing interesting that happened was nicole came back from penn, and I talked to her for a short bit online. And I think i'm goin up to the mountains tomorrow or the day after, so that'll be simultaneously boring and pleasant. What a life I lead ehh? so exiting.
Its come to my attention (via the hit counter on the main page) that almost no one visits this site, so perhaps I'll have to tell a few people about it. Or convince someone to link to me. And oh yeah, new years is in just a couple of days. I don't know what i'm doin on New years eve yet though. Chances are I'll end up at steve's house, as I hear she is putting something down overthere, if nothing better turns up to do. Go read the poems, or my old journal, if you care for anything more than a summary of my life. take care all.
December 28, 2002
Whoa, last couple days have been filled with the usual hectic nature of christmas, but whatever. I did all the standard family stuff. My present consisted of a portable Mp3-CD player, which is SHWEET! I can fit at least 12 albums of music on 1 cd now. And this one actually works well, as opposed to the other two such devices i've owned in the past. I also now own a pair of waders for fishing in the cold rivers of the appalachian mountains. =). had lots of food, that sums it all up prettymuch. Worked on the fence some too. Today I went to applebees with some of the fellows, and bowling, and then back to Andrew Kim's house for some KARIOKE ACTION. Man, This journal bites compared to the old one. All I can do is explain what i've been doing, whereas before I actually talked about imporant things. I suppose its just another representation of the wretched weakling i've gradually fallen to over the last while. I just can't think the way I used to be able to, and I no longer feel the passion to try anymore. Its sad really. I'm on a decline, and I fear I'll be on one for quite some time to come. =(
December 24, 2002
Well, Christmas is here (it's 12:16 now), and I bet we're all excited. Today wasn't such a bad day, I went to Matt Water's house and hung out over there during the morning. Several folks were there so we played risk, which I would have dominated of course had I not continuously rolled such horrible rolls. I mean on several different occasions I had comparatively massive armies of 10 or 11 units taken down by weaklings of half that size. It was such crap, I'm the RISK Master. =), not to sound arrogant or anything. Burleson bought me a "What the Punk" DVD, and a book entitled "Everything is bad for you: A guide to everything you had no idea could kill you" or something like that. Not sure if he's trying to send me any sort of message by giving me that or not. oh well though. Then came back and had dinner with the relatives of my dad's side. An interesting lot of people, no doubt about it. A lot of fine discussion about the blundering antics of Trent Lott and the sheer idiocy and corrupt nature of your average democrat. I'll tell you where my family has a valid point about political democrats though: The true reason they give hand-outs to poor people is essentially to make sure they remain poor. They keep them lazy, knowing the only way they could ever truly escape out of their economic hole is by developing a strong work ethic. The hand-outs of democrats are essentially inconsequential(sp?), and they know it. But it keeps the poor folk, poor; and still voting towards the left as well.
I got a small telescope and an abercrombie shirt for presents, bytheway. =) And I'm now under the tutelage of Cole, learning the arts of Russian Combat Tactics. Shock Absorbtion was the topic of the night. This dude on the video was doin some wild shit with it too. He was having this other guy jump off a three foot stool and plant both feet on square on his stomach. Dude was just explaining about proper technique as it was happening, apparently not feeling anything as his abdomen is crushed flat. A useful attribute for a hand to hand combat, no doubt about it.
Decmeber 22, 2002
So here's my next journal. I doubt my life is headed anywhere that will make this thing even remotely exciting to read for the next good while, so prepare to be uninterested. To sum up the past few days, I've been on Christmas break from college. Which basically means anytime i haven't spent out with my friends has been excessively boring, but still relaxing as I do not have to even think about thinking anything related to studies. however, this has actually been rather unfortunate because it has left me open to think about things which are far more unpleasant than mere schoolwork. In any case, i won't get into that here. If you care enough you may ask, and receive a refusal to discuss from me in person, but I will at least know you care enough. =). Other than that, I've been ripping down miles of pasture fencing and relearning to skateboard. I believe that today I reached a level of skateboarding I hadn't attained my first attempt (which bytheway isn't terribly good, as all I can do is ollie) and that after only a week, so i'm hopeful to be down with pop-shuv-it skills by the time i return to the brickladen paths of NC State. Today was boring, I watched Joan of Arc and skated and hung around the house with my parents. Tomorrow will probably go in much the same way.
December 23, 2002
I woke up this morning to the phone ringing, it was Jon calling from florida. So I talked to him for about an hour. We discussed "old school" nintendo games such as The Legend of Zelda and MegaMan. And he talked a bit about Wizardry VIII, and made fun of modern pansy-ass gamers who can't handle a real game like wizardry. He said something like "This is WIZARDRY you ASSHOLES, if you can't hack it go find some other way to rot." Then something about how he used to get threats from the ResNet operators at NC State for checking his email too often. its funny stuff really. Then more fencing removal, I got slashed in the arms and face pretty good by a recoiling wire. it felt nice. chilled around the house the rest of the day. Cole got home tonight, and I got into a bit of wrestling with him. Almost pinned him this time though, but I just get tired a lot quicker than he does.... and he's sneaky. oh well, I'm now in the process of learning a spot of html, so perhaps when i'm not in too lazy a mood, then this site will suddently become a lot "prettier".
