The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
Chapter 29
They languished naked, their pale bodies sprawled out on the landing at the top of the stairs in the house at Windsor Lake. Tea slept peaceably in Todd’s arms as he stared up at the ceiling contentedly.
They hadn’t quite made it up to their bedroom and after making love all over the staircase they had collapsed on the green Tibetan rug, Tea had fallen asleep and he didn’t want to awaken her. Looking down the stairway Todd noticed their clothing strewn along the steps, each one reminding him of the escalating pleasure that had taken place on it until they reached the top and exploded on the floor. Reaching over, he found his rumpled shirt and laid it over her sleeping body.
Looking at her naked form, he recalled how once, a lifetime ago, he’d thrown her out into a snowstorm, naked, to stop himself from touching her, from wanting her. He’d loathed his own body back then, fearing his violent lust more than anything, that monster lust in his groin that he couldn’t tame or control. And he was terrified of hurting her, of disgusting her, mostly, of losing her. Any other woman would have run after that, cowered in fear, turned her back on him and run away forever like a scared, little mouse, but, not Tea. She was ferocious in her devotion, dug her heels in and stuck it out for the long haul.
“Thanks, baby, thanks for hanging in there with me,” he whispered to her. “I love you so much.”
Tea stirred and opened her eyes anxiously.
“Todd? Where are we?”
Todd laughed.
“On the landing, where we finally collapsed after you seduced and ravished me and made me do unspeakable things to you on the stairs.”
Tea looked around, then smiled contentedly. Climbing on top of his body she snuggled into him, kissing him lazily.
“Oh, yeah, I remember now,” she said, yawning, closing her eyes and resting her head on his chest. “I guess we should go up to bed.”
“Yeah, I guess.”
Neither of them moved.
“One must do violence to the object of one’s desire, when it surrenders, the pleasure is greater,” said Tea, her eyes still closed.
Todd sat up quickly, causing Tea to fall lightly onto the rug.
“What did you say?” asked Todd, looking confused by her words.
Tea sat up beside him and pushed her hair away from her face, a bit startled by his reaction.
“It was a sign on the wall at the Black Key Club, a quote by the Marquis De Sade. I wondered if…if that’s how sex was for you, you know…when you raped Marty.”
Todd glared at her, then stood up. He bolted down the stairs, found his pants and put them on quickly. Tea put his shirt on and followed him into the livingroom.
When she entered he was staring out the window, distant and angry.
“Todd…”
“I don’t want to talk about this, Tea.”
“Well, I do,” she said firmly.
He turned around.
“Why?”
“So that I can understand. Look, ever since I went to that club that quote has haunted me. It reminded me…well, it reminded me of you. And I wondered what sex was like for you then when you raped Marty. If it was like that quote, enjoying that kind of power over someone, breaking them…having them be submissive to you.”
Todd sighed, then walked over to the sofa and sat down, looking anxiously at the floor.
“Amor, I’m not judging you, and, it won’t change anything between us. I know that was a long time ago, but I just want you to be honest with me. I want us to be able to discuss anything and, sometimes, I feel like you close me off when it comes to that part of your past,” she said, walking over and sitting beside him. “I know you discuss this with Dr. Woolf...but, I need for you to discuss it with me.”
Todd closed his eyes and took a deep breath.
“I guess it was like that, ‘breaking the object of one’s desire’ but, it wasn’t really about pleasure, well, not physical pleasure anyway. I mean, I got off and all, but a guy can get off on anything, you know that. What I got off on was payback, revenge on her for rejecting me, revenge on the whole fucking world for rejecting me. But, it was even more than that, Tea…I had this rage in me and I just wanted to fuck that rage into her and make her hurt…like I hurt. I wanted to make everybody hurt like me. It was about revenge but not just against Marty...but, against everyone who’d ever hurt me.”
Tea sat quietly, listening patiently, struggling to understand him.
“And, how did you feel afterward? Avenged? Satisfied? Guilty?” she asked.
“Well, immediately afterward, I felt no remorse. I felt powerful, calm and in control. I felt purged, like the poison that my father had put into my body when he…when he raped me had been eradicated. Ejaculated,” he said, watching Tea nervously as he spoke. “Well, at first that’s what I felt, but, later, much later, when I saw what I had done, I realized that the poison wasn’t gone, instead, it had been activated. I had become my father. After that…I just felt, dirty…disgusting. I wanted to peel off my skin and escape from my own body. It took me a long time to get over that feeling.”
“And what about Blair?”
“Blair? What about Blair?”
“Did she help you to heal…or, did you want to break her too? Is that what your relationship was like?”
“By the time Blair came around I was too filled with guilt and self-loathing to break anyone. I was a pariah, loathed and ostracized by everyone...and rightly so. But...I was so alone and in so much pain, Tea, I just wanted to feel, I don’t know, normal, I guess. When Blair came around, I needed a friend more than anything, and, one day...she offered me some...comfort...and I took it. I just shut everything off and let her lead, let her control everything, every aspect of my life…of our sex life. And, for awhile anyway, I was so fucking grateful that someone would even touch me, that I thought it was love that I felt for her. And Blair, well...she got off on it. I gave her all the power and she got everything she wanted. I let her be on top. That’s what Blair likes.”
“And…did you enjoy it?” Tea asked, hesitantly.
Todd came and sat beside her.
“Why are you asking me this?”
“Why aren’t you answering me? Look, I had a sex life before you came along and I enjoyed it,” said Tea.
“Don’t remind me...” said Todd, looking away.
“What I mean is that I know you had a sex life too. I just want you to be honest with me about your sex life with Blair.”
“It was sex, Tea…that’s all. We did it, I got off, she got off, that’s it. It’s nothing like what we have.”
Tea stood up and paced around, struggling with a bit of ancient jealousy that even now pestered her.
“Are there things you did with her that you won’t do with me?”
Todd laughed a little.
“No, quite the opposite, actually. The stuff you and I do…I never did that with Blair, or anyone. Blair and I never trusted each other, especially not in bed. We were a disaster...never open or comfortable, not emotionally or physically. The sex was awkward, tense, not very good…and…not very often.”
“Are you just saying that because you’re afraid to hurt my feelings?”
Todd grabbed her and pulled her down beside him.
“No, it’s the truth.”
Tea looked up at him shyly, through her long lashes that veiled her eyes.
“When we have sex, Todd, do you think about the past?”
Todd touched her hair and stared into her eyes.
“When we make love I don’t think at all, I just feel. Inside you…I feel your love for me. I feel how much I love you and how happy we are and...I never want it to end.”
Tea’s eyes filled with tears as she leaned against him and he put his arms around her to calm her.
“Now are you going to tell me how great your sex life was?” asked Todd.
Tea looked up at him.
“It was good...but, I realize now how selfish and empty it was. I was only trying to gratify myself...just taking my own pleasure from men who truly cared about me. I couldn’t love them, so, I used them. But, now, with you, my greatest sexual pleasure comes from giving, from making you feel my love. Do you understand?”
“Yeah...that’s how it is for me too,” he said, pulling away and looking down into her beautiful face. “What’s with you, Tea? What brought this on?”
“Oh…I don’t know. I guess it has to do with that place, the Black Key Club, and that young girl, Cherry. I feel so sorry for her, amor. She’s so abused, confusing submission and servitude with love. She’s so alone, so lonely, I feel it in her…and Blair is exploiting that loneliness, in many ways the way she did with you. Blair’s using her the way everyone has used Cherry her whole life.”
“Yeah…that’s sounds like Blair. There’s nothing she loves more than a lonely, little lapdog to kick around and do her bidding…”
“I want to help her, Todd.”
“How?”
“I’m not sure. Maybe help her get a decent job, find a respectable place to live, get her some counseling…get her away from that life.”
Todd pulled away from her and lifted up her face.
“You can’t save everyone, Delgado. She’s not ME, you know…”
Tea stood up and walked away from him.
“But…she’s so young…” she said, looking at the floor.
“Maybe in years. But she’s old inside. She’s seen way too much, done way too much, that does a number on you. I know all about that. And, maybe, she doesn’t want to be saved.”
“She takes drugs and drinks excessively to mask her pain, she takes scraps of affection from those who abuse her in order to feel loved. She’s screaming for help. How long can she go on like that?”
“All I know about Cherry is that she tipped Blair off and saved her sorry ass, I don’t much feel like helping her right now. And another thing…she kissed you and that just sucks!”
“You can’t possibly be jealous of Cherry,” laughed Tea.
“Let’s get one thing straight, Tea. I’m jealous of anyone who puts their lips on you: I hate it when Carlotta kisses your forehead, when Antonio kisses your cheek, when the doorman tips his hat to you…hell, I hate it when the waiter asks you if you’d like extra pepper! Excuse me if I don’t want some horny, let-me-be-your-slave little lesbian sticking her tongue down my wife’s throat. I’m wacky that way.”
Todd looked almost angry as Tea approached him.
“Don’t worry, mi amor, it didn’t do a thing for me. I like men. And, I LOVE this man,” she purred, her voice low and soft as she approached him with that unmistakable look in her eye. Her fingers played with his waistband, her nails teasing and taunting him. Reaching down she unhooked and unzipped his pants and let them drop to the floor so that he stood naked before her. Her eyes rested admiringly on his finer points as a small smile came to her lips and she bit his nipple, then kissed his belly button. Suddenly, she fell to her knees before him, genuflecting in a sexual worship that left no doubt of who he was...the man she adored.
Todd closed his eyes as he felt her lips on him, felt her warm breath against his delicate skin and the smooth, warm wetness of her mouth surrounding the swollen head of his organ, her luscious lips stretched over its ripeness like eating an enormous strawberry that her delicate mouth could barely accommodate. Placing his hand behind her head he rocked against her slowly as she pulled him in deeper, licking his length, suckling his hardness, his legs weakening as he leaned against her for support. She heard him moaning and felt him shaking as he pushed against her helplessly, losing all control, unable to hold back. Crying out, he came inside her mouth, pumping his seminal marrow into her throat as she lapped him dry, swallowing his essence lovingly.
Collapsing on the floor beside her, he took her in his arms, pulling her tightly against him as the last rapturous tremors in his hips throbbed with the beautiful ache of her love. He was breathless when he spoke.
“I love you,” he whispered. “You haven’t done that to me since…”
“Since that night when I found you on the waterfront,” she said, her lips flushed and swollen from her amorous efforts.
“I want to do the same for you. I want to feel you come in my mouth…” he whispered anxiously, as he began kissing her, ripping the shirt from her body and pushing her back against the floor, spreading her thighs hastily.
They jumped as the phone started ringing, startling them.
“Fuck! I’m not answering that,” said Todd, his mouth on her belly.
“It might be Hedda, Todd, returning our call.”
Todd groaned and grumbled as he grabbed his pants and walked over to the phone.
“Yeah, this better be important,” he barked into it, putting his pants on. “Who? What the hell do you want?”
Tea watched him, his facial muscles tightening, his eyes taking on an odd expression. He looked down at Tea then turned away from her.
“When? How?” He shuffled his feet a bit, his back still to her. “Okay…okay. She’s with me…I’ll tell her,” he said, hanging up the phone and turning slowly toward her, his hands raking his long hair nervously.
“Amor? What is it?” asked Tea, pulling on his shirt and coming up beside him.
“Bo found Cherry. Her body was found floating in the Llantano River an hour ago. Her head was floating beside it.”
2003 Copyright by Trog
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