The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
Chapter 16
Tea sat on the antique, burgundy rug by a warm, flaming fire and sipped a glass of wine as she watched her 8-month-old daughter Alma crawling around the livingroom. Her heart leapt with joy as Alma moved around like an inchworm, thrusting her tiny arms ahead of her than pulling her little bottom along, struggling with the thick knap of the carpeting, testing her newly found independence.
Placing her wine on a nearby table, Tea stood on her knees and called to her wayward daughter who was moving quickly around the room.
“Aye, mi muchacha salvaje…my little wild-child…come to mama. Ven aca`, mi Alma…come here,” laughed Tea as Alma looked up smiling, her thin, whispy hair in her eyes, and crawled quickly in her direction. Tea lifted her up in the air and laughed as Alma squirmed and chortled in her arms. Tea looked at her little face, her dark, brilliant eyes, her satiny olive skin, the light-brown hair that was quickly taking over her head in unruly waves and curls.
“I want to tell you something, mi hija, I don’t want you to ever worry about us. No matter what happens in your life…I’ll always be here for you. I won’t leave you…I won’t abandon you the way others have left me throughout my life, Alma,” she said to her daughter as tears rose to her eyes. “Since the day I knew you were living inside me…you became the most important thing in my life…and I will always be with you. Okay?”
Alma watched her mother’s lips and tried to grab her words as she spoke, her dark eyes alert and curious.
“We’ll be okay, just the two of us…I promise you that. I’ve always relied on myself…and I can do it again. You can count on me…I’ll never leave you…ever,” she said, kissing her softly on the cheek and holding her closely as the door bell rang.
“Hedda,” Tea called out. “Could you please get that?”
Tea heard Hedda’s heavy footsteps running toward the door from the kitchen as she held Alma tightly.
“Good evening…oh, it’s so wonderful to see you,” Tea heard Hedda say, followed by the door slamming shut.
Tea stood up with Alma in her arms as footsteps made their way toward the livingroom.
When she looked up Todd and Starr were standing in the doorway.
“Alma!” screamed Starr as she ran into the room and hugged Tea and Alma. Starr kissed Alma’s face over and over again as Alma giggled and played with her hair. Tea noticed that Starr’s face was red and bloated from crying…and she was barefoot.
She looked over at Todd who was watching them quietly, looking clean and sober…and clearly very tense.
“I’m so glad your home, Starr,” said Tea, stroking Starr’s hair.
Starr pulled away and looked up at Tea.
“Daddy took me,” she said.
“This is your home, Starr…it’s where you belong,” said Todd.
Starr looked up at him angrily, then suddenly ran out of the room. They heard her footsteps running quickly up the stairs and the sound of her bedroom door slamming shut.
“She won’t look at me… she hasn’t spoken a word to me since I left Blair’s place,” he said, dejectedly.
Alma started to cry anxiously at the sight of her father, stretching her arms out toward him as Todd walked into the room and took her from Tea. Tea turned away and wiped her eyes.
“Don’t cry…I’m here. Daddy’s here,” said Todd as he held her and began to cry, burying his face in her neck, moaning quietly into her soft skin.
“I’m…I’m going to go and check on Starr,” said Tea, rushing out of the room, unable to trust her emotions.
“I’m sorry…I’m sorry I’ve been away,” he whispered as he wiped Alma’s cheeks with his sleeve and rocked her against him. “I missed you…my little soul.”
*****
Tea grabbed a pink shopping bag from a linen closet and walked over to Starr’s bedroom, knocking softly on her door.
“Starr…honey, it’s Tea. May I come in?”
“Okay.”
Tea entered as Starr sat on her bed, rocking slowly and facing away from her. She walked over and sat beside her.
“Here…this is for you,” she said, handing her the bag.
Starr sat up and looked inside.
“There are some sanitary napkins in there, different sizes and some pills that you can take when you have cramps…and a few other things you might need.”
Starr reached in and noticed a blue box with a pink ribbon wrapped around it.
“What’s this, Tee,” she asked, pulling it out.
“That was a gift from me for your birthday next month…but, I’d like for you to open it now. Every girl should get a gift when she becomes a young woman.”
Starr smiled and slid off the ribbon, carefully pulling the top off the box. Inside was a journal bound in midnight blue silk and covered with yellow stars and a matching pen that was attached by a golden chain. The book was fastened with gold lock and a small key dangled beside it.
“Open it,” said Tea.
It was inscribed on the inside cover in gold lettering and Starr read it out loud.
“Happy 11th birthday to my best friend, Starr. With love, Tea.”
“It’s a journal, Starr…a diary, a secret place that’s all your very own. This way you can write down things that make you happy…or sad…or angry, all the good things and bad things that happen to you and not have to worry what anyone will think. You can just lock it up when you’re done writing. Sometimes…it’s hard to share your feelings with someone and it’s nice to have a place where you can express them privately. Do you like it?
Starr looked up at Tea.
“It’s beautiful…my first ever grown-up present. I love this…thank you,” she said, hugging Tea. Tea looked at her dirty feet.
“What happened…where are your shoes?”
“Daddy…he grabbed me and pulled me out of mommy’s house. I didn’t have time to put my shoes on. He and mommy…they were fighting again,” she said sadly.
Tea walked into Starr’s bathroom and rinsed a washcloth in warm water and soap. Starr sat on her bed as Tea leaned down and washed the bottoms of her feet. Reaching into a drawer, Tea pulled out some thick socks and handed them to Starr who put them on quickly.
“Starr…you look so tired,” said Tea, touching Starr’s face, noticing the dark shadows beneath Starr’s pretty green eyes.
“I can’t sleep in my new bed. It’s too…I don’t know…different.”
“Well…since you’re already in your pajamas…how about you go to sleep. I’m sure you’ll have no problem falling asleep in your own bed. We’ll talk in the morning…okay?”
Starr nodded as they pulled back the bed-clothes and she hopped inside. Tea kissed her and whispered goodnight before walking out and shutting off her lights.
When Tea had left Starr turned on a lamp and grabbed the journal from her nightstand. Spreading it on her pillow she began to write:
“Hi…journal. My name is Starr. I’m very sad because, my daddy lied to me…”
*****
As Tea made her way down the stairway she found herself shaking as she headed for the livingroom. When she entered, Todd was alone, sitting on the floor and staring into the fire.
“Where’s the baby?”
Todd looked up at her, his eyes siphoning her lovely image as she leaned against the door in a thin, red tank top and his plaid pajama bottoms, her face clean and perfect, her long hair wild and careless. She was all feminine comfort and softness and the urge to pull her down beside him, to hold her against him and sooth his ravaged, aching soul overwhelmed him.
“She fell asleep in my arms…Hedda’s putting her down. How’s Starr?”
Tea walked in and sat across from him, crossing her legs and looking at the floor.
“She’s okay. Sad…mostly tired, I think. She went to sleep.”
Todd nodded, his gaze returning to the fire.
“She got her period, Todd.”
“She what? When…she’s too…little,” he said, turning around to face her.
“It happened yesterday. She called me at work…Blair wasn’t home and I guess she got scared. Anyway…she’s fine with it. And, yeah…she’s a little young…but, not too young. She’s growing up, Todd.”
Todd nodded and stared at her, but she averted her eyes from him.
“Well...I’m glad you were there…that she called you.”
Tea nodded awkwardly and they remained silent for a few minutes, listening to the fire snapping and burning.
“I don’t know what to say to you,” said Todd without looking at her. “I…don’t know…what to do, Tea? I’m so sorry…I wish…I could change what happened…”
Tea got up and turned away from him, picking up her wine she took a large gulp, then placed it back on the table. Todd got up and came up behind her.
“Please...look at me, Tea.”
When she turned he could see that she was struggling to keep from crying, her beautiful brown eyes a glistening lake of unshed tears.
“Tea…where are we?”
“I don’t know, Todd,” she said, moving away from him, walking back toward the fireplace.
“Everything you said to me yesterday…about Blair…you were right. I just let her play me…use my past…use Starr. She ambushed me. I…just…I wasn’t prepared for what she did, Tea. And…I know I handled it badly…but, everything that happened afterwards…I…just didn’t know what I was doing. That woman…”
“Please spare me the details…I was there, remember? When you didn’t come home…I got worried…so…I went looking for you down at the waterfront. I was so relieved when I saw your car, so happy that you were okay…and I ran to you in the parking lot…and then when I got closer …she was there…on her knees…with…her mouth on you,” she whispered, barely able to utter the words as she turned her back on him and lowered her head, the memory still too painful to recall.
Todd reached out and touched her arm, but she pulled away from him.
“Tea…I was wasted…”
She turned around sharply.
“Is that suppose to make it okay? Tell me something Todd. What if it had been me…if I had gotten wasted…and you had come upon me…with another man, in that position…what would you have done? How would you feel?” she cried.
He stared at her coldly.
“I would’ve killed all of you…then myself.”
“Yeah…I know the feeling,” said Tea, as she headed toward the doorway.
“Wait! Tea…don’t go. Please…forgive me.”
Tea turned around and walked back.
“This isn’t about forgiveness…it’s about trust. I thought it existed between us…but…you broke that trust when you decided to get drunk and abandon all of us. It’s not about that woman, Todd…it’s about us!”
“No…no…it’s not about us. We’re fine.”
“We’re fine? Todd…how can you say that to me? This was a test Todd…the first real test of the strength in our marriage…and we failed miserably. All Blair had to do is call up your past and…you fell apart. But…the worst part of all is you didn’t think enough of me to share it with me…I had to find out by accident…from Starr.”
“I…I didn’t know what to do…I just…wanted to forget it. Tea…I never meant to hurt you like this…that’s the last thing I wanted,” he pleaded.
“Yeah…I know. It’s always the last thing you want to do…but, somehow, you just keep doing it.”
Todd wiped his eyes.
“Tell me how I can make it right again…I’ll do anything,”
“I don’t know. I allowed myself to be happy with you…I threw caution to the wind and stopped looking over my shoulder…let myself be vulnerable because I thought our love was strong enough to withstand anything…stronger than your past…stronger than anything Blair could throw at us…but…now, I’m not so sure. I don’t trust you…and mostly, I don’t trust myself…or my feelings. I keep thinking…what will happen the next time you decide to fall apart? Will you leave us again? And for how long this time…a month…a year…or will you disappear altogether like you have in the past?”
Todd moved closer to her.
“That’s not going to happen…”
Tea looked up at him.
“I’m not sure I believe you anymore. I’m sorry, Todd…that’s how I feel right now. I can’t just look the other way when you betray me…for whatever reason.”
Tears filled his anguished eyes.
“So…what…you’re going to leave me, Tea? I love you…”
Tea reached up and touched his face.
“And I love you. But that’s not what this is about…this is about our marriage…it’s about commitment and trust. We’re suppose to be in this together, Todd…and you just shut me out of it, took it upon yourself to go on a binge and disappear for weeks without even contemplating the consequences of your actions…or how they would affect your children…or me. Suddenly…we all became secondary to your pain…and GOD…I am so SICK of playing second fiddle to it!”
“Hey…you knew what you were getting when you married me, Tea…”
Tea backed away from him.
“Yes…that’s true…but it’s different now, Todd, it’s just not you and me…we have children to consider. I want to know that we can count on you when the going gets tough…not that you’ll just run away and hide when there’s a crisis! I want a man! I want a husband…and a father to my children. I want to know that you’ll be there for us!”
“Tea…I’ll always be there for you…for all of you. Please, Tea…trust me…I won’t let you down again…ever.”
Tea sighed with exhaustion.
“Todd…let’s just…not talk anymore tonight, okay? I don’t want to do this now…I’m so tired…I just want to get some sleep.”
Todd nodded.
“Okay…we’ll talk tomorrow?”
Tea nodded sadly then walked out of the room and up the stairs. Todd stood still, listening to her footsteps slowly disappearing up the stairway and into their bedroom. He wanted to follow her, to lie down beside her and escape into the dark, mystical world of her body and dissolve into her love…but, he’d lost that privilege. Walking back to the sofa, he laid his tired body across it, taking some comfort in being home and in the proximity of his wife and children.
He tossed and turned for a while, but sleep would not come. Finally, he got to his feet and paced back and forth, occasionally staring at the fire. It had taken everything in him to go and take Starr…to face her…and now, he felt depleted. Leaning down he reached into a bucket, scooped up some sand and poured it over the flames to extinguish them, then he turned around and headed up the stairs. Stopping at the second floor landing he listened to the sound of Hedda’s snoring and the almost imperceptible breathing of his children sleeping peacefully before opening the door to the third floor, their bedroom, swallowing hard, and climbing the stairs softly.
As he walked quietly across the wooden floor he could make out Tea’s body in the soft, white moonlight that shone from the skylight above their bed, her body curled up in a fetal position, facing away from him. He knew instinctively that she was awake…unable to sleep…just like him.
Silently he climbed into bed, sliding his body behind hers and gently placing his arm around her waist, as he felt her jump, then stiffen against him.
“Tea…don’t say anything,” he whispered in the darkness. “I know what I’ve done…and…I know that tomorrow I’ll have to tell Starr about what I did…about my past, and…she’ll never look at me the same way again. And…I know that I’ve hurt you so much that you may not be able to forgive me…ever…but…tonight I just want to lie here with you, okay?” he asked, as he laid his face on her silky hair and the musky smell of rose-scented skin cream filled his senses. “I need this…I need you so that I can face tomorrow. Please…let me have this.”
Tea said nothing but a few seconds later her body relaxed against his and their bodies moved closer together as his fingertips pressed against the warm flesh beneath her breast and he felt her heart beating against them, it’s lovely rhythm making him tranquil and drowsy…and safe.
“You know what’s even better than making love to you, Delgado,” he whispered in her ear, before closing his eyes, “…just…holding you.”
*****
2003 Copyright by Trog
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