This place, how can I describe it? The ceilings are higher than anything else I've ever seen, so high, I can barely see where it ends. It is painted the color of the sky at midnight, deep black and endless; painted stars give light to the darkness. Hanging from the black hole are light fixtures, also shaped like stars, emitting the softest of rays.
I almost don't notice the music, but as it reaches its fevered crescendo, my body starts to move with its rhythm. I cannot help it; it feels good as it reaches through my body and tickles my heart, causing its rate to increase. In the far end of the room, my eyes fall upon a band nestled comfortably and discreetly in a slightly lowered "pit."
"How did you find this place?"
"You like it?" he asks, somewhat nervous, I think, about my reaction.
"I love it!" I exclaim, unsure of whether it would be appropriate for me to wrap my arms around his neck and pull him to me with everything I have.
A man dressed in a tuxedo approaches us; he and Todd exchange a glance, with which, Todd silently tells him not to even think about making eye contact with me. "Mr. Manning, we're so glad you could make it."
"Why wouldn't I? I spent a fortune on this place."
"Todd," I say, playfully swatting his arm. He looks down at me and smirks, loving the fact that he still has the ability to get to me.
"If you'll both follow me, I can show you to your table."
I half expect Todd to say something like he already knows which table is ours; it's the only one in the entire room, but he says nothing. Everything about this restaurant reeks of elegance; though its size is massive and everything in it is unique, it somehow manages to maintain its intimacy.
The chairs are made of a heavy oak with high backs; the seat covered with expensive black velvet. I feel as though I am bathing in luxury. The menus have been laid out before us, open it seems as if no one has ever used them before. Even the lettering radiates wealth with its shiny gold appearance.
"If you don't like it-"
"Are you kidding? Todd, this is the most incredible place I've ever been." I cover his hand with mine, "Trust me querido, if I didn't like it, I'd tell you." The fact that I'd chosen to use this phrase at this time is not lost on either of us. Everything in the room has stopped moving and it's like a spotlight has been cast over us.
"Sure?"
"Yes, I'm positive; now let's order because I'm starving." What I would love to have is lobster dripping in a garlic-y butter and a few chives mixed together. That is something I can no longer indulge in; I'll have to settle for lobster peppered with fresh lemon juice.
We take the time the waiter gives us to sneak peaks at each other; the music in the background provides the most romantic atmosphere we've ever been in together. "I had no idea this place even existed."
"Not many people do," he replies. His eyes bore into me, sending a chill down my spine. I can't help but to shiver at the intensity in his eyes.
We place our order, a beer for him and water for me. I can no longer drink alcohol, at least not frequently. The thing about this night is I want to remember every single precious moment. I want to add it to our reel of memories that fill my mind.
His fingers nervously tap against the table as his eyes dart around the room. I get the feeling that something's bothering him, but he won't tell me. He keeps things from me now, thinking always first about my health. I won't bother him, not tonight; tonight, he and I will simply enjoy the evening.
"I remember when we bought that," he remarks, staring at the necklace I'd chosen to wear today.
I had nearly forgotten the story. He and I were in Louisiana, just for a couple of days. We walked through the French Quarter, not hand in hand, but close enough to let the rest of the world know that both of us were spoken for. There was a small shop on a side street that had gone unnoticed by both of us at first. But the sun, it hit the charm directly and in such a way, we both brought our hands to our eyes to keep from being blinded.
I walked directly in front of him, nearly tripping him in my haste. It reminded me of something my mother once owned, only her necklace was artificial. I grabbed his arm and ignored the roll of his eyes, pulling him into the store. I marched directly up to the saleswoman, pointed to that necklace and a smile crossed her lips. She commented on how perfect it would be for me. According to legend, it once belonged to a French monarch, passed from generation to generation. The last young woman to own it, according to her, ran away from the palace, refusing to marry the young man that her parents insisted upon. Instead, she chose to run away to America with her true love and they settled in Louisiana; that was after it fell out of French control.
The young woman, a princess in France, settled here, but lived a life of poverty. The expensive necklace was the only indication that she came from a background of wealth. She only tasted freedom for two brief years, but during that time, she had never been happier. She loved the only remnant of her previous life, never taking it off, but knowing deep down that her happiness could not last forever. There was only one way it could end…with her life.
There are several versions of what happened next. Some said it was her parents who paid to have her beheaded, disgraced by her strong will. Some said it was a robber who fought with her for the necklace and during the skirmish it was he who took of her head. Some said it may have been a combination of both; maybe her parents paid for her to be kidnapped and the person they hired saw the necklace and decided he wanted it for himself. The woman at the antique store chose to believe the first scenario, which made it all the more romantic because the princess had to know in the back of her mind what she was risking by running away from her parents holding the hand of her lover.
Before she finished, tears were streaming down my eyes. She risked everything for love and that's what I did with Todd and what he did with me. We gave up everything to be together, and like the princess's life, it ended suddenly. Unlike the princess, we have been given a second chance.
I didn't ask for the necklace after that; I wasn't sure I wanted it hanging around my neck. We left the store empty handed and spent the rest of the evening not saying much at all. Even when we went to bed, the weight was there; the thought that someone lost their life in the name of love haunted me even in my dreams.
The next morning, Todd awoke earlier than I, got dressed and promised he would be back within the hour. I simply turned over, mumbling something about being ready by the time he got back. True to his word, he was there within the hour and untrue to mine, I was still lying in bed "calling hogs," as he said.
He kissed me awake, knowing how much I loved making love to him in the morning, afternoon and late night hours. I rolled onto my back as he kissed my lips, neck, shoulder and down my body. He pulled away for a second to retrieve something from his pocket; I couldn't see what it was at first. He reached behind me, fiddled with something and when he let go, the charm of the necklace brushing against my body.
I started to say something, but he silenced me with his kisses. We made love that morning with an intensity that until that point, we had never reached. Afterwards, he told me how much he loved watching me on top of him with my breasts "doing that thing they do" and the necklace bouncing up and down in the air. It reminded him, he said, of the sacrifices I'd made to be with him, so every time I wear it, I think of him.
"You remember too," he smirks.
I blush a bit, not really sure why. Our meal has come, but I can't even concentrate on its taste; I am thinking of how badly I want to end this evening in his bed, making love to him the way we did that night. We know that can't happen until his divorce has been made legal and he is free and clear to do whatever he wants.
"You want somethin' else?" he asks, noticing how I am picking at my food.
"No, this is fine," I answer. I guess I am intentionally prolonging this evening because I know when I wake up tomorrow, it will be back to reality for me. I will go in front of a jury pool, using all of my intuitive skills to weed out those who could potentially be biased against my client. When I am in the midst of an important case, everything in my life takes a back seat to the case.
"You sure?"
"I'm positive, Todd," I answer, taking a larger than necessary bit of lobster and stuffing it into my mouth. "See."
The fact that he's eating with silverware has not gone unnoticed by me. I see him fighting the urge to pick up his shrimp and tear them apart with his teeth, but he does resist, using his knife to cut them into bite sized pieces instead.
During our meal, the band continues to play and underneath the table, my foot taps in time with the music. I want to stand with him, pull him into my embrace and sway with him. I want the world to disappear completely and for us to sink into each other; I want us to re-merge our souls.
Periodically, the waiter returns, filling our water glasses or asking if everything is to our liking. Each time, Todd barks at him to leave us alone and I do damage control by smiling sweetly at him and mouthing "I'm sorry." When he leaves, Todd glares at me, but I rebuff his attempt at intimidation by attempting to frown at him, but somehow, it never reaches my eyes and he knows I don't mean it.
Some of the best times I've spent with him have been in silence, with the two of us letting the feelings we share between us be the only form of communication. The love in the room is enough to fill it; no words are needed. Like now, we keep looking at each other, letting our eyes hold their own conversation.
The music stops and Todd wipes his mouth, pushes himself away from the table and walks away. I almost say something, but something in his expression tells me to just be patient and soon it will be clear. I follow him with my eyes as he approaches the band and says something to them. I see the bass player nod and smile at him. Todd then returns to me and hovers over me.
"What?" I ask.
He holds out his hand, which trembles from nervousness. I look into his eyes and see fear, but I also see so much love, it makes me want to break down and cry. I never thought I would experience his love again, not like this, yet here we are. "Wanna dance?" he asks, his voice matching the trembling in his hands.
Just then, the music changes to a familiar song. We nearly had it all that night; he and I were finally going to fuse the love that somehow snuck up on us and took over our lives. So close, as I lay beneath him, my hand caressing his side. I could feel him growing as he lay partially on top of me as this song played in the background.
He must know what I'm thinking as he watches my expression closely. "This song should have different memories for you," he says, pulling my body closer to his.
I don't respond as our bodies sway to the same beat. I have never quite felt at home anywhere in my life. I seem to think of things as being temporary; I don't let myself become too attached to anything. But here, in Todd's arms, I know this is home; this is where I'm meant to be.
"Sometimes it seems like we're all in some kind of prison and the crime is how much we hate ourselves." -- Angela Chase "My So-Called Life"
