The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
| ART OF THE DARK BY SHADY & CABBIE ESQ. |
CHAPTER 11 |
PART ELEVEN (PART THREE)
But then...something happens. As soon as his body gives in, the suffocating feeling seems to lessen. He feels it, loosening its grip; and he finds he has the room to inhale...and he sighs, relieved. He inhales again, deeper...and opens his eyes as he blows it out. His breath seems to chase the darkness away, like wind scattering dust...and the world comes back into focus. Dean blinks a few times, as if making sure he's seeing what he's seeing...
...then he sits up, finding himself...back where he started. He makes a face, feeling completely out of it, as he looks around at everything. But nothing has changed...everything is as it was when he...
...when I what? he asks himself, suddenly unable to remember. He stands up from the couch, slowly...hands out, touching the air as if he could make sure of its existence that way. He feels the slight breeze moving through his fingers, and becomes aware of the heat on his back, from the still-burning hearth. It takes another moment, but things seem to slowly settle back in around him...or maybe...he's the one doing the settling.
"What're you doing...tai-chi or something?" a female voice suddenly asks.
Startled, Dean whirls around...and sees Tea standing there in the bedroom doorway, leaning to one side with her arms crossed, an amused grin on her face.
"Jesus..." he sighs, harshly...still feeling a bit disoriented. Tea's grin disappears at his unfriendly reaction, and she makes a more concerned face.
"You okay?"
He breathes hard, eyes closed again for a moment...then he nods. Tea looks over her shoulder, checking the boys...then she pulls the door along behind her, almost closing it, as she takes a few steps into the room. She looks him up and down, taking in his allover uneasiness...and isn't sure what to say.
"Bad dream?" is all she can think of, and he half-laughs, running a hand over his scruffy, spiky hair.
"Yeah...I guess," he replies, and she makes a face at the tone of his voice...so unsure and out-of-sorts...so unusual for him. She wants to ask, but doesn't. Instead, she lets it go with a sigh as she heads for the kitchen.
"Well...I can't sleep, either. And I didn't wanna wake the boys, so...hope you don't mind if I just...hang out here for a while."
Dean nods, but is obviously still distracted. Tea watches him as he feels his way over to the chair, easing his way into it like an old man. Then he closes his eyes as lets his head drop back, exhausted. Tea wags her eyebrows at his strange behavior...but she turns away finally, busying herself with the usual, late-night coffee-making.
Collapsed in the chair, Dean listens to the calm that fills the room...just the crackling fire and the coffeemaker chugging and dripping. It soothes him, the sounds of things being as normal as they could get. And he opens his eyes slowly, as if waking up all over again...lifting his head and leaning forward a bit. Tea putters around a while longer, rinsing cups and drying them out on her long sweatshirt. When she finally turns around, she locks eyes with him...and freezes.
It gets even quieter all of a sudden, and Tea is...not really unnerved by his look so much, as she is curious about it. He stares into her with a strange intensity that she can't even describe...the closest thing she can compare it to is the way...Todd often looked at her. The thought makes her look down suddenly, breaking the connection...and she immediately wonders about her husband, wonders...worries...questions and blames herself in the space of a few seconds. She sniffs it back, though, turning away from Dean to grab the carafe. She pours the coffee and grabs the cups, walking over and handing one to him as she sits down on the couch, tucking her legs under her.
"Thanks," he says, and she nods. Silence again, as she sips from her cup, staring into the fire.
Dean continues to look at her...not wanting to stare, but for some reason, he can't take his eyes off of her. Whatever it was he dreamt about, it was directing his thoughts at her; but he makes himself look away, because he isn't sure what it is he's supposed to do, or say. But...it nags at him as he takes a drink, as he feels the hot liquid spill down his throat into his gut...a single word comes to mind...
"Todd," he mutters, to himself...but Tea's eyes dart over to him, wide with surprise.
"What?"
Dean swallows hard as he looks back at her...and over a tense silence, his jumbled thoughts start to come together.
"Tea...how did you...get involved with him?" he finally asks, quietly. Tea makes a face at that unusual tone popping up again, and that unusual look in his eyes.
"Why are you asking me that?" she replies, calm...but wary.
Dean sighs...now you've done it, he thinks...knowing he has to follow through now.
"I, uh...I'm just...um..." he says, stumbling over words, and Tea pushes a little.
"What?"
He sighs again. "I guess I just...wanna know how YOU came about...same way you wanted to know about me."
Tea's mouth drops open a bit...more surprised by his candor than pissed at it. But she hesitates all the same, rubbing a knot in her shoulder for a moment to stall him, thinking maybe he'll just drop it. But when she looks back, he's still looking at her, waiting. So she sighs this time.
"Look, Dean...I...I don't wanna be rude, okay...but...I don't wanna talk about it."
He takes that in...and does consider dropping the subject; but then he simply shakes his head, before he even realizes he's done it. Tea reacts, her eyes zeroing in on him.
"What is that supposed to mean?" she asks, her back going up as he stares into her.
"Well...I don't get it. I mean, I'm supposed to be completely open with YOU about MY past...but you won't do the same for me. Why?" he asks, returning to his typical, unflappable self; and Tea lets out an insulted breath...though to be honest, she can't think of anything to come back at him with. So she takes another sip of coffee as she gets her thoughts together, then plunks the cup down on the table and looks directly at him.
"See, you don't...you don't get to ask me that, okay? YOU...don't get to ask me ANYTHING personal. Because it's none of your business," she says, with that lawyer-perfect pitch and articulation...and Dean takes it in with a nod, feeling strangely pleased by her put-down...admiring it, even. He's still quiet when Tea decides to add:
"My relationship with my husband...is off-limits. Get it?"
Dean cocks an eyebrow at that...then he looks away. "Nope...not really," he replies, casually, as he stands up and stretches. Tea follows him with her eyes.
"Well, I don't know how else to put it," she says, and Dean just sighs.
"Forget it. I'll just keep my opinions to myself."
"Opinions? On what?" she asks, growing more offended as he ignores her, stretching his neck, then grabbing his coat.
"Nothing, forget it," he replies, without even looking at her. Tea watches, speechless, as he gulps down the rest of his coffee and he heads for the door...stopping before he opens it.
"I'll just be a good boy and keep my mouth shut from here on in...we don't have to talk. I just thought maybe...you might need to."
With that, he leaves, closing the door behind him. Tea stiffens as the cold air hits her, then dissipates in the warmth of the room. She stares at the door, feeling...she doesn't know what she's feeling, except that...he's right. She looks back at the fire, torn...wanting to follow him, but not sure if she's willing to accept what that...might mean. She bites the inside of her lip, still gazing at the fire...
...as Dean lights up outside. He blows the first breath of smoke out angrily, paces around...and then wonders exactly what it is he's angry at. He doesn't expect Tea to think much of him, much less open up to him, so...what am I so pissed about? Why is this bothering me so much? Why do I even...
...care?
He lets out a breath that sounds like a laugh, then he shakes his head...at himself, at his own stupidity. He has to wonder all of a sudden what the hell ever possessed him to call her; but then, it just leads him right back to the same thing. This is where all that envisioning gets you...happy now? He stares at the black woods surrounding the cottage; and suddenly remembers being in this same position in his...dream? He looks around, uneasy at that thought...but the sound of the door squeaking open makes him turn away from the woods. He sees Tea pulling the door shut, and wandering over toward him, pulling her coat closed. She folds her arms for warmth, shifting back and forth as she stands next to him. He watches her closely, her eyes down, her breath coming out in steamy clouds. Nothing is said for a moment...then finally, she sighs.
"Um...I'm sorry," she whispers, then pauses. Dean doesn't respond...he simply takes one last drag off the cigarette, then flicks it away. Tea watches the flying orange glow fade as it hits the cold gravel.
"I, uh...I shouldn't have...I mean..." she stutters, trying to apologize, or explain...but she can't seem to make one coherent thought, so she stops, sighing again.
"...I don't know what I'm trying to say."
Dean grins at that, slightly...still just looking at her, and not saying anything. Tea stares into the woods for a moment, then finally looks at him straight on.
"I started out...working for Todd," she says, gauging his reaction...which is just more of the same, patient listening. She breathes deeply, looking away again, as she re-tucks her hands under her arms.
"I represented this friend of his, who was being held on murder charges...and I was able to get her off, even though she did pull the trigger. Todd was...impressed enough with me, I guess, that he, uh...he hired me to represent HIM. He was going through a nasty divorce...Blair was going for sole custody of Starr, and...given his criminal record, it didn't look too good for him. So he came up with this...crazy idea...that if he could just get married, and show the court that he could provide a stable home environment for Starr, then...Blair wouldn't be able to shut him out totally. So one day...I got a ring...and an offer...I couldn't refuse," she says, then stops for a second to let some tears out.
Dean turns slightly, to get a better look at her...but still, just listens. Tea sniffs, then clears her throat...still staring straight ahead, trying not to look at him.
"It was simple, really...just get married and stay married for a year. Live with him, provide the 'stable home,' and win custody of Starr. That was it. One million dollars was deposited to my bank account the day we married, and there were four million more to come."
Dean makes an impressed face...and Tea clears her throat again, finally glancing at him.
"And no personal ties...no love, no sex...nothing like that. We even had separate bedrooms. It was all just...business."
"I take it...it didn't stay that way, though," Dean finally says, quietly...and her face softens, sadly.
"You'd be amazed how long it stayed that way," she replies, as she starts to walk around a bit, getting cold standing in one spot. "I mean, yeah, we...clicked immediately, but...our relationship has never really been what you call...typical...romantic...or cute."
Dean follows her with his eyes, even more curious...as she sighs, kicking the gravel around.
"Passionate, though, yeah...definitely passionate. The yell-and-scream-and-slam-doors type of passion...that's definitely us," she says, with a half-laugh. She shakes her head as she bends down to pick up a piece of the gravel...holding the cold stone in her hand. A short silence passes...and Dean waits for more, watching as she throws the stone as far as she can.
"We had some hard lessons to learn. He had to learn to open up, to trust me, to...realize that he was not only capable of loving somebody, but that he actually deserved to get a little back..." she says, sniffling from the cold and the tears.
"...and *I*...I had to learn that Todd has...a history I can't even begin to understand, not even now...the kind of history that prevents him from ever being...at peace, y'know? But I thought I could handle it though, I thought I knew the kind of heinous shit he had to live with when he was a kid. My mom ran out on our family when I was little, so I really thought I could..." she stops, feeling more tears running down her cheeks, getting cold and leaving tracks.
"...I dunno...reach him...and I did. Or I would THINK that I did...but then it would slip away...I would lose my hold, and after a while, I just...couldn't deal with it, I guess...the fact that I was...so in love with this guy, and I couldn't help him...I couldn't...fix...what was wrong with him, and he didn't seem to want to help himself," she continues, stopping to wipe her face. Dean listens to her, mesmerized by her...pain...as she paces around now, growing agitated as she relives it all.
"It just became this never-ending cycle. He would constantly do these...stupid, terrible things to sabotage himself, AND us. And he would be so awful to me, he'd blame me for everything, just to get me to go away, and I would, I would leave, and swear I'd never come back..." she says, alternating gesturing with her hands and wiping her face.
"...but it never lasted long. We treated each other so horribly, but I always went back. As awful, and cold, and cruel as he could...CAN be...he has just as much..." she struggles again for the right word, and can only come up with one.
"...beauty...in him...and it always...pulls me back," she finishes, glancing over her shoulder at Dean.
"Does that make any sense at all?"
He nods, slowly...mostly because he doesn't want her to stop talking, even if it is all about her rat-bastard husband. She was doing what he couldn't expect---but really did want---her to do. He was hearing her inner thoughts, and it was fascinating...moving. Tea had felt more deeply about this than he'd ever felt about anything in his whole life...and he watches her with a new awareness, as she wipes her face again, turning her eyes back up to the sky.
"Ohhhh..." she sighs. "...anyway...we finally did separate for a while, after..." she stops again, remembering the Friday-the-thirteenth-wedding, and the DID for the first time in a long time. She has to breathe long and hard before starting again.
"...anyhow. It was while we were separated that he finally got some...professional help. He found a wonderful therapist, and she was able to...well, she did a lot. We were FINALLY...able to just...be happy..." she trails off, covering her eyes for a moment to cry behind her hand.
Dean keeps back, expecting her to keep going; but it just seems that she's crying harder as the seconds pass. He sees her shaking with sobs that sound so painful, he feels it in his own gut. Still, he hesitates to cross that invisible boundary...wanting to, but balking at the possible consequences. Then a thought suddenly pops into his head...something from that dream-thing he had...
... you need to move fast, baby...you need to win her...you need to make her see that she can't ever go back to him...because she's in danger...her children are in danger...their father is coming...
He makes a face at that...god, that's stupid...why would I be thinking that...how would *I* even KNOW that? he wonders, then looks back at her, at how completely shredded her insides are over this man who apparently abused her, even though she devoted herself to him...over this man whose self-destructive tendencies are destroying her...endangering her, and her children. He remembers back to Tea's kidnapping, and dealing with Todd then. How volatile he was...impulsive and ballsy, to a pretty extreme level...a combination that obviously made him unstable, and dangerous. So the idea that he would turn his anger back on those he supposedly loves...isn't a stupid idea at all, Dean realizes. And Tea would become an all-too-willing target, submitting to whatever Todd decides to dish out, because she feels guilty...not just for leaving him, but...for every bad thing that's ever happened to him. Madness, he thinks...then he walks over to her.
Tea's cries have lessened by this time...but she keeps her eyes covered anyway, ashamed. Breaking down like this was not what she wanted to do. She hears the gravel crunching behind her as he approaches and stops.
"Hey...I'm sorry..." he says...with such gentle compassion that it takes her off-guard. She busts out crying all over again, unable to stop herself in time; and after a moment, she feels his hand on her shoulder...a comforting touch that just breaks her down, right to the bottom. But she tries to pull away, anyway...only, she can't move. He's got a good hold on her, even though it doesn't feel like it.
"...I really am sorry," he says again, leaning in closer to her. "I had...no idea."
Behind her hands, Tea wishes she could just disappear...just take the boys and simply fold them into herself until they all vanish. She has no idea which way to go...much less what to do. How did I get here...how did things get to be like this? What did I do wrong? she asks herself...but has no answers. No control. She's lost her grip again, and now...things may never be right again. A sense of utter powerlessness overwhelms her suddenly...draining her energy as it flows through her. She steps back to balance herself, but only ends up backing into Dean...who catches her before she falls.
Everything freezes as they stand there in this backward, awkward position...but neither of them lets go. Another moment passes, silent...tense...each of them feeling the closeness of the other, skating along that thin edge of unknown, dangerous territory. Finally, Tea closes her eyes...knowing what she should do, but is just too...tired...too damned tired to do.
"Ohgod...what am I gonna do...what am I gonna do..." she whispers over and over, more to herself, as new tears melt the frozen tracks on her cheeks. Dean has no idea what to say, or do, except to just...keep holding her. He sighs hard, then turns her around and pulls her into him. She doesn't fight the arms encircling her...she simply gives into it, burying her face in his chest as she cries her heart out.
******************
Roseanne pushes back from the toilet in her cell, flushing, then wiping her mouth as she backs up against her cot. She'd puked twice already since she...came back. That was the best way she could describe it. She laughs a little, realizing how ridiculous it sounds...yeah, that's right, just got back from England...jolly good fun. She laughs again, pulling herself up onto the cot and collapsing...swallowing to keep the gag reflex at bay.
"Ohhhh...shit..." she breathes, still not used to the nausea that now seems to be following each...trip. She'd gotten sick after wrestling with Todd in the mausoleum, then again after their confrontation in the visiting area...and right now. It worries her for a second, the fact that it seems to be getting a little worse each time. But she'd gone so much farther, and done so much more than she ever imagined. She cracks herself up, imagining how hot and heavy it must be in that cottage by now.
"It's okay...it's working...it's all...coming together..." she whispers to herself, as she closes her eyes. Think it...and it will be real. That's what Oba had said...oh...Oba... she thinks, suddenly remembering her mentor, still in the infirmary. She makes a mental note to check on her in the morning, as she drifts off...resting up for the next day's work.
**************************
2002 Copyright by Shady & Cabbie Esq.
FanFiction Home
Home
COPYRIGHT NOTICE:: The stories published on The Florencia Lozano Home Page are the property of the individual authors. You may not: Distribute the text to others without the EXPRESS WRITTEN PERMISSION of the copyright owner. You may: print copies of the information for your own personal use, store the files on your computer for your own personal use, reference hypertext documents on this server from your own documents.
This site (and linked sites) is not affiliated with ABC Soaps and is not endorsed by them. The images, characters and settings are all copyrighted by ABC Daytime. All material included on these pages is for educational purposes, in accordance with the "Fair Use" Act.
