A soothing current of air blew thickly from a vent above the massive bed, warming the day lit room, and Tea sunk deep within the linens onto her side, next to a heavily slumbering Todd. El Diablero had finally hit the wall - whatever nocturnal activities he’d occupied himself with and intense sexual exertion had bested him at last. Tea couldn’t remember the last time she’d seen him this … unconscious. Sleeping had always been so hard in coming for him … she never could imagine living at his level of energy output, it amazed her always.
A bird chirped excitedly right outside the window, oblivious to the gray skies and threat of a new afternoon storm closing in on Llantano mountain. She checked a small clock on the side table - thought she should get around to calling her friend, Francisco, back home, but then remembered she didn’t have her cell phone and didn’t want Todd to have Francisco’s number. Hunger pangs also forced Tea to think about getting up from bed, except she found it difficult to leave Todd here. She wasn’t sure of what drove those feelings - mistrust? Possibly. Love? Sure … but that never tied her physically to him before. She’d spent many, many months alone … apart from him, despite her love for him. She’d left him all those months ago, despite her love for him.
She shook her head with indecision and let her eyes rove the ivory-colored walls, dusted with a fine spray of olive green. The dark furniture, the lack of pictures - again the persistent loneliness of the place touched her deeply and she looked over at his sleeping form once more, eying his delicately parted lips, his arms flung upwards revealing light tufts of hair. He seemed so vulnerable this way … so …
“Human,” she whispered. Her fingers brushed the scratches coloring his chest, marks carrying over from his back, marks she knew had been put there by the hostile tendrils of reaching, craggy trees, forested beings attempting to slow him down, trying to maintain natural order - because the beast running wildly was unnatural. Sitting up, she smoothed the sore spots on her body, her neck from too much sucking, her delicate breasts reddened by his rough cheeks, he had been so hungry for her … the memory of his strained breathing as he wrestled with her, as if he couldn’t get enough of her - it made her ache. As always, his need tormented her.
“But what’s changed? What’s keeping me here, now… you’re the same man I left - I think.”
Still the sparrow at the window hopped, chirping madly, as if to warn her. Being next to Todd reminded her of why she’d left in the first place. He had been too cut off, too disconnected, too angry. She couldn’t relate to his having intentionally shot at RJ - she had left, because she was afraid.
“And now, mi amor, do I have that same fear? I’m not sure I’m any better equipped to deal with you now than I was then …”
The bird flapped its wings and leapt off the sill at last, blasting into the air, into nothingness. The image of flight overwhelmed Tea and renewed her own wishes for flight, to run from the nest she’d found herself in, to be free of her love of Todd, to be free of his indefinable love of her - she wished to look at the world with cool distance as opposed to heated closeness. The taste of fear embittered the insides of her mouth … she bent to her lover, her lips grazing his skin, her tongue running a short length of the pale underside of his upper arm. The musky scent stirred her and she backed off in surprise … she wanted to lie on top of him, pinning him there, holding him there. She wanted to mash together their loved-until-raw genitals … to bind them together against everyone and everything … to grasp onto him like her life depended on it - she wanted it, she didn’t want it - it was better to deny her own hunger, she concluded.
“I don’t want to run anymore, I don’t want you to run either,” she sighed, “I wish we could be alive again … like before … really living …”
Tearing herself from him, Tea slipped out from under the covers, pleased to see he’d not moved. She opened an armoire and found a thick, black denim shirt which more than adequately covered her, putting it on. After she stole one last assuring glance that he remained in that deathly sleep, she walked out of the room slowly, curious. The whole house had a different feel during the day - its creepiness lessened, but the isolation didn’t. She wondered how often he saw Starr - whether she had a room here. There wasn’t any evidence of any child ever visiting this place. A goodly number of closed doors decorated the plain hall - a typical country house.
She decided to try some of those doors … found a broom closet, a linen closet, a bathroom … and another bedroom, one she practically gasped at as the door opened virtually on its own once the knob turned - her question had been answered. Yes, Starr had a room here … but Tea wasn’t sure if she had ever seen it. The sound of hundreds upon hundreds of dangling crystals clanging against the other tickled her ears, pure music it was … the place appeared to be a beautiful cavern or a forest of diamonds or other such jewels. It was an explosion of pink and blues and whites - all surrounding a white canopy bed covered with luscious mock fur covers, the sheerest of fabrics hanging above, split, waiting for a magical princess to lie there. Three of the walls were painted with the most spectacular blue and pink diamond shapes, bursting with artistic detail, the fourth wall had built-in shelves filled with colorful children’s books and glass-eyed satin-clothed dolls and precious music boxes and jewelry trees … a girl’s dream of fancy. She could only imagine the clothes inside the closets - and those chiming crystals … they sung because of an icy breeze coming in from a north window that had been cracked open.
But once again … no pictures, no framed personal artwork, no insignias, there wasn’t anything to tell an observer who the room belonged to nor whom the object of such devotion was.
God, it was so cold in here … she left the place, shutting it up once more. Leaving the music behind. Moving on, she found another bathroom, a perfectly appointed library decorated with countless books and wonderful leather sofas and perfect reading lamps, and then yet another surprise as she came upon the true master bedroom. This though … this brought tears … (they came so easily!) because the largest room, the place that should have been the king’s room, was a place of utter abandonment. Again, open windows froze the room, except there were no chimes to brighten the place, no music here. The walls were unpainted, decorated with peeling ancient and yellowed wallpaper fluttering in the continuing breeze. Severely damaged and aged wood lined the floors, scratched, bruised, blackened. No furniture occupied this place, no shelving - an animal had nested here once. Birds, maybe? A lost raccoon? In a corner of the room though were newspaper spread about.
Tea wandered there, looking cautiously at them. They were fairly recent, the dates were over the past several months - reports of missing persons, unsolved crimes. My god, she thought - he spends time in here. Why? Why would anyone keep a room this way? What is he looking for in these reports? Scratches on the walls screamed for her attention … pen or pencil … she couldn’t read the writings and finally got to her knees. What she found did look to be Todd’s penmanship … but the words made no sense, gibberish. Rows and rows of gibberish.
“My sleepwalking and sleep-writing,” Todd said from across the room, startling Tea. He sniffled, he wasn’t fully awake - appeared a bit dazed. A black, untied robe covered him, barely, as it fell open revealing his slender body.
“What is this place?” Tea asked, trying not to look at his exposed skin - it called for her wordlessly, it demanded of her.
“I don’t know,” he responded.
“Why do you keep it like this?”
“I don’t know. I guess I like it. It’s wild, untouched … original. The whole house was like this when I bought it. Want some coffee?”
“No … no. You sleepwalk? You never did that before …”
“Since I got here - I’ve woken up in this room so many times and have found myself with a pen … writing that shit on the walls.” He shrugged, grinned, “It’s my inner child. Can’t understand a damn thing I write.” He paused, “Why do you look so sad?”
“I don’t know,” Tea said. “This room … it makes me feel that way, I suppose.”
“Well, don’t. You’re venturing into the pity zone that I don’t like, I can tell.”
“I don’t pity you, I want to understand you.”
“What’s there to understand? I am … me. Come back to the bed … I want to lie down with you. I want to talk to you.”
She glanced at the newspapers, at the crime reports that he was obviously keeping some kind of record on. “What’s all this? More sleepwalking? Sleep-reading?”
Before he could answer, Tea jumped and screamed shortly at the sight of a large hawk landing on the window sill, the massive bird making noise, making a fuss. It eyed both Todd and Tea and … Todd grinned at it, as if he knew the creature. Or was it Tea’s fear that made him smile? She got to her feet, getting next to Todd and he said, “It’s okay … this one comes here on occasion. I think this might be his room - he doesn’t like me much.”
“How do you know?! Get it out of here!”
Todd laughed, “It’s just my gut feeling,” He leaned towards Tea, close to her, “He’s mean-looking, isn’t he? Looks like he could carry you away in those claws.” At that, Todd jumped towards the hawk and it flew away, screeching. Todd turned, his eyes bright once more, “You’re scared. Look at you.”
“I am not, I … just didn’t expect it right at that moment. That’s all.” In seconds, Todd pulled Tea to him as he leaned against the window sill, pressing her body against his. She could feel the beginnings of an erection, a mischievous expression danced on his features. He touched her buttocks with purpose.
“You make me crazy, Tea,” he breathed, she closing her eyes in response to his heated interest. He then stood, turning her around slickly so she was facing the window, her back against him. A strong arm across her stomach kept her in place as his free hand squeezed her breast, massaging it. From this position, she could see the edges of the forest and the hawk. It was perched smartly … spreading its wings … she breathed in tightly, shivering, run through with a combination of worry, fear, and excitement. Todd kissed her neck, his hand having moved to her throat, and she reached up behind her, grabbing him by his neck, reaching again from below, doing her own work on his body. A small grunt escaped from him and he took her hands, placing them on the wall on each side of the open window, his hands covering hers, his mouth landing on the base of her neck, moving across her shoulder. Tea stretched her muscles, arching her back, the hawk still in clear view, still frightening her with its mocking noises …
Todd chuckled … then lifted her shirt and slipped deep inside of her, getting her to groan at his hardness, at how powerfully he pressed into her. Her breasts, they shook from the intense motion and she dug her nails into the wallpaper, pieces coming apart beneath her fingertips and nails … “Oh GOD,” she moaned, her eyes closing, she beginning to perspire because she couldn’t take this kind of stimulation. Todd had found her clitoris with his curious, busy fingers … and worked them … Tea becoming overwhelmed with the same base desire from earlier - to get on top of him, to grind her heated sex against his cock - that’s all she wanted - to worship him, to love him, to give herself to him … everything, everything, GOD, what else was there to give??
“Your freedom,” he groaned … and she froze a second, how could he know her thoughts … but then she realized she’d been talking beneath her breath … telling him … he renewed his thrusts and his own passionate, focused noise intensified the sensations of her vulva and she needed to come, but he’d stopped the work and it made her angry… angrier with every greedy push into her.
“Make me come,” she growled, pulling his hand down, “make me come…”
He only chuckled and deprived her, grabbing her hips and pulling her into him, “I love fucking you when you’re unsatisfied, when you want.”
She whimpered because he’d slowed down, sliding in and out … he letting her know every inch of him, her wetness becoming her enemy as it seemed to open her more, distancing the precious pearl of sensitivity from him - making her so slick, she almost felt nothing except inside her deepest core.
“Make me come, damn it, touch me … or face me!”
He pulled out, holding her stiffly, and only moved the head of his cock in and out quickly and she could tell he was going to come before she would and it infuriated her - but suddenly he left her and went to the floor, yanking her down and letting her get on top of him where she rode him madly, wildly, where she grabbed him by the hair and rested her lips on his - as she grunted wordless gibberish into his waiting, open mouth, he sucking her saliva as a wet string of it fell mindlessly from her mouth -
… and she exploded, screaming out her orgasm, angry at him that he’d teased her, that he’d attempted to steal from her … at which point he grabbed her and lifted her so he could suck on her already bruised nipples … suckling so hard on her that she cried out - but it was a hurt she seemed to want, to need…
He rolled her over so she lay on her stomach on that dirty, dusted floor and he lifted her by her hips, pushing into her while on his knees, pushing until he finally came, loudly and greedily … falling at last on top of her, not caring about the cold or the heat or the abandonment or the hawk in the window once more - the specter of something unknown that watched and watched this meeting tinged with mutual cruelty, with an angry, needy kind of love …
In her breathlessness, she heard what sounded like a choking cry but she didn’t want to know his emotion, if it was there or not - she didn’t have it in her to be compassionate or understanding - her whole being had spent its last shred of energy, everything had been wrested from her … by him.
“I have nothing left,” she said dispassionately.
“I know,” he groaned, “it’s in me … I have it all.”
“You bastard …”
“You’ll stay with me - you’ll never leave me … I know that now.”
“Stop saying that! Nothing’s changed, damn it!! This room tells me that!!”
“You read so much into things, into the slightest of things. You think too much …”
She pulled away from him, putting a foot or two between them. The hawk had left, she saw. Turning back to Todd, she demanded, “Tell me what’s different now than before. Give me a reason to stay … tell me you can LOVE me, tell me you’ll let me love YOU. Tell me your sole focus in life isn’t to hurt others. Tell me you have a relationship with Starr, that you don‘t want to still kill Paloma and Blair.”
“I have no secrets from you.”
“Tell me these things!”
“I have no secrets from you,” he repeated.
“AHHH!!” Tea got to her feet, and kicked at the newspapers, “What’s this then! What are you looking for?! Are these your crimes??”
“That’s work for the Sun. There’s some weird shit going on in Llantano county …” He glanced downwards, looking back up with distinct brightness. “Strange disappearances of people, strange happenings. It’s curious. That‘s all.”
“And you do this work, here? In this … room? It’s awful - it’s empty … and makes me believe that it’s as empty as you. I don’t want to believe that.”
“I do the work here, yes …”
“Why? For the reasons that I say?”
His face changed in expression, the lines around his eyes deepening, the brightness in those eyes fading, darkening. Her nosiness had aggravated him, her assumptions, and he spoke with distaste in answering, but answering, he did.
“Because this room is comfortable … non-distracting. I can read and not be compelled to turn the music on nor think about what I should hear or not want to hear because it’s not available here - I don’t have to think about how a kick of mine has marred a perfectly painted wall … nor how I’ve nicked a table or burned the expensive wood with a cigarette I forgot to put out … nor do I have to think that I’ve got too many cd’s on a shelf unbalancing the picture or not enough … nor do I have to hear a doorbell or the phone … or someone peeking in on me through the windows - I don’t worry or think about those things in here … I can sit … and can be undistracted by normality. Where’s the fucking mystery in that, Delgado? Isn’t it obvious by the look of things?”
Shaking her head at his response, she felt ashamed … he approached her, “I love you.” He had held his hand out. And she touched his fingers with hers.
“I’m confused by all of this, Todd.”
“I wish I could help clear it up … but I can’t. I’m just me. And you have everything … as I do.” He licked his lips and stared outside the window, Tea touching his cheek, now.
“I’m afraid for you,” she said, “I find myself crazy with fear for you. Every time I turn around, you’ve done something worse than I could have imagined only moments before … where is it going? When is it going to stop?”
“I don’t know,” he answered her, looking back at her. “It’s out of my control.”
“Out of your control?! No! That’s not true!”
“People do things to me and I respond. It’s not complicated.”
“No …” Not being able to help herself … not being able to, she went into him, holding him tightly to her, “God, it’s all within you … it’s right here.”
The coldness in the room had become intolerable, to the point of distraction, so they left … retreating into his bedroom. Resting there for what seemed a long while following requisite hot showers … until he smiled knowingly and looked at the time. Nearing six o’clock - they’d chosen physical desires over food - but neither could take that kind of deprivation any longer and they headed to the kitchen.
There on the table she saw her purse, her belongings. “How …?”
“I have a guy - he collected it for you.”
“Well … how nice.”
“I had him bring your things from the hotel. You don’t have a room there, anymore.”
“I never …”
“I don’t care … I want you with me.”
He’d put on a look of earnest and Tea swallowed hard … “If I want to leave …”
“Of course, you can … you have your car outside … your keys … you can get dressed. You’re free to go.”
A large tray of cheese and fruit lay on the table - a tempting spread. She munched on some morsels, surprised at how hungry she was. Todd didn’t eat … he merely watched her. When she seemed satisfied, he indulged himself … sitting next to her at the table. He ate slowly, deliberately … tasting the food, enjoying it. He seemed anxious, though - and Tea noticed his eyes go to the door … as if he wanted to leave.
“I’ll be back,” she said, and for the first time, he seemed truly sad … he nodded, saying nothing. He didn’t believe her, she knew. With that, she gathered her belongings, took her overnight bag … so she could dress, so she could be presentable.
When she drove away, the house appeared as it had the first time she saw it, looming, mysterious, an odd loneliness to it. She thought perhaps it had been in her mind … that the lonely feel of it came about simply because of the owner of the house - but she saw that the house had no neighbors for miles … the abandoned room with the strange writings on the wall and the newspapers haunted her. There was so much more to the sense of loneliness than its appearance, than the persistent traits of Todd.
Her reflections were interrupted - she hit the brakes because the same wolfish creature from early in the morning appeared, blocking her way. It stared at her, unwavering in its intensity, and then sulked into the dark woods, but not far enough so she couldn’t see it … and she shook off the omen, starting to drive on. “I have work to do,” she said out the open window of the car, telling the creature such, who still watched her. “I’ll be back, damn it!”
Heading to see Blair … heading back to a room at the Palace hotel, she had more work to do, more decisions to be made.
