ONE YEAR! HAPPY ANNIVERSARY CLUB! Seems like just yeseterday that
Holly and I were trying to think of a name for this club...it also
seems like just yesterday that I met Holly for the first time. It's
amazing how much we've grown and how much this club has too. One
year...let it sink in. It's been a BEYOND busy week. I went to watch
Barry hit 599 with Meg, Katie, Joy, Amy, Courtney and Kaitlyn on
Tuesday. If you want to know how it feels to have $50,000 land 20
feet away I've got 2 words for you...DAMN-IT. Ok so it's one but
there's enough anger to make it two. It was fun though there's
something about being around people like that that make me who I am,
what I love about me is having them as friends because, well it's
hard to explain. Tuesday was also my last night in the city.
Wednesday night was my first night in the city. Joe sent me an email
it's so cute you have to read this: "hey k! guess who! well i got ur
letter. thank u very much. i was extremely happy to hear from u. i am
sorry i havent sent u one myself. u know me... i ended up forgetting
all my addresses at home. so urs was with it. so i am writing an
email. i just want u to know that i am surviving. it is awsome! i
love it down here. everything is so peaceful.. all the people are
wonderful. i will go into detail about everything later, but i am
staying in the southern part of costa rica in a town called olla cero
(zero pots) it is 6 kilometers away from Palmar which is on the map.
i love the community. i have taken many pictures... 7.5 rolls to be
exact. with 24 pictures on each! haha! so how is ur summer been. cool
u were in marin. sucks i wasnt there. next time u know the number so
give me a ring. well i gotta go. i am bein charged for this! its 800
colones can u believe that! dont worry its like 2 bucks! lol well
take care. send my love to the family with a BIG hug!! ADIOS!!!
LOVE,
joe"
If you don't know what it's like to know Joe it's like Todd and Matt put together, swear to God. Dan's like Ryan and Nick, shy at first but the charmer beneath. I'm counting down the days it's just about 2 days until they come home. I miss them both like crazy. It seems like everything I do or see reminds me of how much I miss the two of them. I saw the car Joe wants to get me when he get signed to his first baseball contract, the exact car too, a BMW, silver, black interior, 19 inch rimmed, Z8. I also see the car I want to get him, a black, blacked out windows, 22 inch rimmed, tan interiored, Yukon XL. (Dan said we'd share his yacht haha.) Thursday I went to Giants game again hoping for 600...figures he hits it the night after right? Tonight was movie night. I was napping in my room so I had no say in the movies my sister and dad picked out. They came back with Shallow Hal, Crossroads, and A Walk To Remember. I love A Walk to remember but we watched Shallow Hal and Crossroads. Okay first off, Shallow Hal was dumb. I watched Crossroads and thought the script, the plot and character types were genius but Britney, I'm sorry to you Britney fans, didn't take the roll as well as I'd hoped. Ben's character was sweet though.
I hope some of you went to Tracy. I didn't I planned NOT to go because I'd have to get up early tomorrow morning but ended up not being able to sleep and now I'm up regrettng I didn't go. Well not regretting but just kinda wierded out I'm not there. I wanted to go but not as bad as I thought I would. If I went it would be to hang out with the girls and not as much the guys. They'd probably be really busy signing anyways. But I am close to done with everything I had to get done here in the new house. My relatives dropped by and that was so much fun especially since having my mom and her sisters in one room is just as entertaining as a Townsend event. Nick emailed me from Tracy and he said that Dom's handling himself well but he's in pain. Dom's a "trooper" in Meg's word, as my grampa used to say, "There's no pain that lasts forever."
So here's the thing, I'm sleepy. I've been so sleepy the past few weeks that I don't know if i'll EVER finish my summer reading books and 4 hour time project. I've been so run down that sleeping has been like an option for my body. I'm hauling my butt to finish reading my 460 page brick of summer reading. I sat on my new bed (I got a new bed...Serta posturpedic) and read 80 pages in about 43578939 sitting positions trying not to read myself to sleep. Parts of the book are really bad and part of it is so intense I can barely pull myself away from it. I really have to finish that and then read a book entirely of spanish. My goal is to read anywhere from 30-100 pages a day (which I've done as a crammer) finish that, start the project and finish it in one day, read the spanish book in 2 sittings and spend about a week brushing up on my spanish and math skills in an SAT book. I can't really study for history, chem, or english or even ethics.
My body's been begging me to get some sleep and my mind turns me down. I'm awake at nights i go to bed early. Have you ever had nights where your mind is so rampid that you just can't sleep no matter how tired you think you are? That's my problem. I wake up tired and grumpy...no i take that back i'm not grumpy...just groggy. Tuesday night I was up till 2AM wired from coke and cotton candy (as was Joy who shared in that occasion with me) and I got up @ 3 thirsty, being the fact that EVERYTHING was in the other house all we had was apple juice...do you have any idea how gross apple juice is at 3AM? I also had to get up at 7:30 for the movers...I had 4 1/2 hours of sleep. The day of the last big haul I was telling my dad how much I miss Dan and Joe. They've been gone for a month now and I miss them like crazy. As soon as they get back Dan and I decided that we'd go watch a movie at the new theaters by my place or go to Hollywood Videos and raid the classic comedy section of the stupid movies we can't get enough of and one action for him and one romantic chick flick for me. Joe...haha he'll probably end up sleeping through it if I know him...yeah he'll sleep through it.
I miss them because I miss talking to two guys who know how to talk to me. If you're a guy and know me at all I'm a very complex person. Heck you don't even have to be a guy to know that, i just AM. They've studied the past 16 1/2 years on how to talk to me sometimes without even talking to me. I figure this, if Dan and Joe were one person, and I hadn't known them since diapers I'd definetly want to go out with him. I can talk to J and be totally stupid with him. I'm pretty sure every conversation that Joe and I have had was one of those fantasy type of conversations. Always "One day I'm going to buy you a car" or "When I'm in the major leagues and you get your first movie we're going to celebrate on my yacht" or "You know 10 years from now we're still going to be immature." We always tend to get into convos like that. The really serious conversation was when my grandfather was dying. He'd call me and page me 143s whenever there was a phone or something. I called him the day after my grampa died from my grandparents' apartment. He has paged me "143-637-703" (I love you-always and forever-Joe) he didn't tell me that he got his license that same day. He said "Do you want me to come over?" and I said "You got your license?" and he said "Yeah but that doesn't matter." At my grampa's funeral reception he and Dan had brought their car (a "New-Old" El Camino) and I sat with Joe in the car and listened to the BSB Black and Blue CD and talked until I told him that "You know, I don't want you to stop being funny around me, it helps when you make me laugh." And we went back to fantasizing again.
It's really a lot like talking to Matt or Todd, he's totally a guy that can make you laugh till you cry, but will make you laugh when you cry too and be there when you need him. You know when you need someone to be reliable because you just need to know someone is there for you? Just someone to get you through? I'm not talking like someone to get you some where or to do something for you, I'm talking being there to hug you when you don't want to talk or to listen to you when you do and then give you advice. A while ago Joe called from his day trip in Floriday when he got to use a phone for 20 minutes. I cried for 5, explained for 5 and was done. He comforted for 5 and then said that the resoution was for him to beat the guy up for the last 5.
With Dan we talk more about school, family, and what's going on NOW. Like baseball. We'll feud on the Giants vs. the A's and how who and what won the last series, and how Giambi's not as good as Snow. Dan's my sense of realisim basically. I remember a time when I called him and I was really upset about some guy at school and he told me that he'd "take care of it" because he knew some people who knew him. Needless to say that everything was straightened out because I feared for Daniel spending time in juvie hall. Both J and D are protective buddies. I miss them probably more than anyone in the world right now because I'm feeling like crammed with time and I need one of them to tell me it's okay. But I figure this, if they're doing something good somewhere in this crazy world, it's worth it. They've pretty much sacrificed their summers going to South America to help aid the poverty there. I don't know if I could sacrifice something like that you know? I mean it's a month and a half and you're doing what your love but I think they get homesick. I know that Dan misses his own pillow and Joe misses his Britney poster.
I think sometimes about everyone I know that has made sacrifices and I'm not sure I could do it. I don't know if I'd want to give up all I've ever known to go do something like that in a whole nother country with none of the comforts of home. (And I mean that...D & J's mom sprayed their socks w/ bug repellent.) It doesn't even have to be like more than a week before I start complaining about missing my bed or missing the smell of my pillows (lavendar or fresh fruit). There are times where I"ll spend a weekend or a few days away from my family and it's a nice break but about the 4th or 5th day, especially if I'm not staying active I'll start to get homesick. I think the only day I really enjoyed being away from home for a long period of time was when I was in San Diego with my family and Jenn and Trav and my aunt and uncle were there with us and we went to Sea World and played in the pool and stuff.
I don't know how the guys have sacrificed all that they have and maintained their sanity. I truly appreciate them for being mentally strong. Being in LA for months and weeks at a time would've killed me if I didn't pack my house. I do know that Todd missed his pillow though. I remember it getting to the point that they were doing so many different gigs in different places that when I talked to Ryan on the phone and talked to him about an appearance he said "Oh we're doing that? When?" I was kinda surprised and I told him and he said "Oh, yeah I don't know where I'm going anymore, I just go." Ok if my manager said, "Kristen you're going here now" I'd probably freak out and run away with Jason the drummer. I'd also complain and throw fits about living out of a suitcase. There are things in this world I couldn't give up so easily, like my independence.
If you think about it, for a while the guys sacrificed their independence to their QSP Magazine tour. They couldn't drive because they couldn't drive the van (you have to be 25 or older) and they were left with...well scooters. Nick told me that they just rented a car one day and drove, just drove. They sacrificed being able to go the mall or the movies so simply to spend that time in rehearsal and hauling the equiptment to and fro. I'm not sure if I'd go insane or shoot myself first in their position but I'd end up a very unhappy performer. On top of all that even if they could go some place they'd be swamped by some past performance girls with raging hormones. (Matt said they can still shop at their local mall here in our area without much mobbing.) When they have an event it's not like they can go around and explore without occupying the close eye of security and managment personal fearing for a break out in hysteria of pictures.
Can you honestly say to yourself that you're mentally strong enough to do what they guys did? And what they're doing now isn't touring but they're taking it to the next level, MTV. After TRL that's it, no turning back, no do overs, no mercy. If they floop up a performance critics will jump on the oppertunity to call them "another boy band." If they're caught having a drink paparazzi will call them "drunks." If they're caught even hugging a close friend that happens to be a girl someone out there will have a picture of it while fan pages run the news of one of the new dating status of one of them and their "girlfriend." And now their families are even going to be under the close eye of the public. Bob and Wendy already experience the minor hysteria of people knowing who they are and etc. thank God there aren't stalkers yet hanging out by their house that they recently discovered. Think of it, even the Yoakums in small town Oregon will have a spotlight on their family. I'm not saying this is bad at all, if anything it's probably more beneficial for the guys to have it on their families and not an old girlfriend or someone who claims to know them well. You know when it comes from the mouth of mom, dad, bro, sis etc. that it's nothing but the truth...sorry guys.
I can only hope that the eyes on the families don't invade their privacy as it does in other groups. Even though Lynn Harless is hugely a part of *NSync pictures are taken of her entire family and their homes are found for pictures on the internet. Even Howie D. of the BSB has his mom heavily enough in the spotlight to have his Mom's place scoped out...she even gives tours! I hope that nothing hugely infringes upon the exclusive privacy of the guys' families or themselves.
So not only have the guys taken the sacrifice, but yes the families have to. Ryan's parents already sacrificed Ryan's love of the snow to taking him and his brother up to Tahoe often and taking Ryan to the junior olympics...twice. Todd's parents made the massive sacrifice of precious time to do the former website townsendboys.com and dealing with all the baggage that came with it. The twins' families have dealt with pictures so much that even my classmate Gino had his picture on a poster at the Union Square event! (What a trip man...) And Matt's family made the gigantic sacfrice of letting Matthew be all the way in California...a whole state away. Even back in the Making the Band auditions it was hard. Matt was saying that his mom was shaky about letting him go but in the end bought him a plane ticket (Awwwwww Factor: 10!). My mom probably would never let the roles of Matt and Mrs. Yoakum be reversed though she is overly protective sometimes...it would take A LOT of convincing.
I don't know if a lot of people could do that. I think if the entire world had all that endurance that there would be a lot more famous people, but look how many have in comparison to those who haven't. The fact that the guys accept not sleeping in their own beds every night, can't go out when they please, and don't normally have weekends to themselves is a huge feat for anyone. Any person on the contrary would probably be insane and be on valium by now. I know that they'll be strong for as long as they have to be though.
All of us who have seen the guys have witnessed their endurance. Dom's knee injury has obviously been a nuisance for him to have but he sucks it up, slaps on a knee brace and goes for it. Mentally all of them are in this very interesting state of mind...calm. How can they possibly be calm with screaming girls pelting sugar at them? How can they be calm when they know that it's only a matter of time until Carson Daly introduces a new video premire on TRL in September? How can they be calm when out in this crazy world there's a girl that wants them to father their baby or something? No. Not a single average joe could be sane through it all. There is no way in the axis and roation of this very planet that it would be possible for them to put up with the baggage that they consiously took on this career path. Everything from buisness obstacles, to injuries, to stalkers galore, to close watches, to no time, to no privacy. If you can explain to me the part of the brain that has to be triggered to do that I'd pay you.
But regardless of what you say, what they have isn't something you can have through a little acupressure or a couple pills, it's something called willpower. How to get it, I'm sure some it is inherited but other parts of it comes from who one is as a person. Amy has a quote on her signatures in her emails. It says: "Love comes from the heart and not the head. Music is love itself." I probably couldn't agree with that anymore than I agree with well...I can't think of anything I agree with more. The guys have produced love because of their hearts. Of course I'm always more confusing than Amy...more or less but they have created a way of loving people by loving their music and using their hearts. Sure it would be easier to put down words on paper that happened to rhyme and be catchy but they make sure that whatever they sing, they mean. That is amazing, that also separates them from other people who just want to sing what people want them to sing.
Ok that's all, I have a nice new bed waiting for me and muffins to wake up to tomorrow morning and the last 100 pages of my book. Enjoy your summer! Be safe and have fun!
Stay Safe & Stay You
Love Always,
Kristen
Townsendette_Kristen@yahoo.com
xoxoxo