So I feel reallllly bad. A couple people told me that the last column made them cry...including my fellow Co-Founder! Regardless of whether or not it was a "good cry" i feel bad. It's just, everytime I see my girls and I have to leave, I walk away from some of the best people I know, there's nothing that kills me more than when I do that. I was told by Mina that I was like a "Big Sis" and how I helped her through a bad day. Holly was telling me that I'm there for her and how I"m a good friend...haha they really don't know how much of a biotch i can be. No but really, I talk to you guys like I"ve known you forever because i have met and know plenty of people that like to talk AT me rather than TO me. If there's anything i DON'T want to be it's one of those people. Plus I enjoy being the listening ear or advocate. Mina told me I gave her good advice. Rarely do I give advice...let alone GOOD advice haha. I talk to a lot of you online and you all are like my release to let go of whatever's going on to relax and just talk with you about whatever. One of you emailed me a couple days ago to ask me if I was going to start one of those online diaries. I haven't thought about it since I"ve always considered this some sort of diary. Plus it would require me writing about my family and daily activities...both of which can be beyond bordom for even me to begin with. If I find that I'm bored with myself online I'll probably start one but as of now I have no plans to start an online diary.
I've been on an emotional up and down for about a week now. You know how you have a bad day? I've had one of those that just hasn't had its sun set just yet. Want to know what the problem is? The problem is this, GUYS SUCK! Well not all guys, actually there are "A Few Good Men." What separates the boys from the toys are the personalities, which I have yet to actually date a good one. In fact...I just need to date.
My old friend "JD" (no not "JT" Courtney haha...) is probably what set me off on my bad week. We've known each other forever and have pretty much grown up with each other...skipping the sandbox and cootie errors. What i loved about JD most was the fact that I had zero physical attraction to him (even though he was hott and my friends swooned and still do over him) and had every bit of emotional attachment to. I told him everything, joked with him 24-7 whenever I had the chance, and what I loved best was that JD totally understood me, how my mind worked, and knew how to make everything better by just looking at me. I can remember that one time he just looked at me and pulled me in for a hug, I didn't even have to tell him i broke up with well...that's another story. I knew everything about him down to the way he hugs people and his crow's feet in the corner of his eyes when he smiled. (Most guys have them and they're like smile lines but but by the eyes...haha Amber...smile lines.)
JD and I had nicknames for each other, had millions of inside jokes and never once let an oppertunity to pass to support the other in chasing some far fetched dream or goal. And for some reason, never once did it cross our minds that we were some bizzare match that could never be for one thing...LIFESTYLE. No JD's not homosexual and no he's not married to a goat or something, but the two of us lead to completely different lives in two completely different places. He was from the area of hardknocks and I was from the financial district of San Francisco. Ok well maybe it crossed MY mind that we were some bizzare match but never his...i can almost be sure of that.
ANYWAYS, time does tug at friendships, and when push comes to shove, sometimes you let an email go, you let a phone call go, and you let a day to hang out pass so you can go hang out with someone else. Well it did, and now we're not close anymore...actually we only talk on occasion, if he's not busy, and I"m not due to be some place. The nicknames are never used, and our inside jokes are never used because we fear that the other may not remember the time the other tripped or did something stupid. We also rarely get to see each other for those far fetched crazy dreams we have. I was going to go bungee jumping but didn't want to because he was too busy working or doing something with his so called "Serious girlfriend." About a week ago he IMed me and needed a "favor." Funny how he can't call me on my birthday but he cares about my life when he needs a favor.
He wanted me to help him with an assignment he needed help with. It was obvious he took on something bigger than he could handle and couldn't do it alone. Did he admit it? NO. Did he call me rather than type up everything? NO. Did he once take into consideration that I care nothing about what he does in his freetime anymore? NO. But he asked me anyways...I gotta admit...that takes balls...or something courageous. Anyways, JD expected that I had helped him. Never once there was a "Hey can you help me?" or "Hey Kris, i got into something over my head and I can't do this without your help, can you give me a hand?" Never once did he even think that I WOULDN"T do it. After he wrote me everything he needed done he said "Thanks I appreciate it" and was done with it.
I tried to help JD i truthfully sat up late nights trying to figure out a solution to a problem that wasn't even my own. Then I realized something, I'm not in a 2-way friendship anymore, i'm in a 1- way street in a car excelerating to a dead end...NOTHING. What he asked me to do wasn't something that I WOULDN'T do, it was something that I COULDN'T do. He thought because I was good at what he wasn't I'd do it and have some sort of pity for him or something. I couldn't do it and when I called on the advice of a close friend who told me I SHOULDN'T do it I stayed up all night that night with the whole "friend and favor" vs. "the non-recipocative friend."
I spent multiple sleepless nights in fact. The other night I actually laid awake crying because I couldn't decide how to tell JD that I simply couldn't do it. I was scared of what he'd think of me. JD's so cool in every way, he's got a family and younger siblings that are so cool that the last thing I want to do was to screw up with our friendship and be cut off from his family. But I couldn't do it, doing a favor for a guy that's become such an @$$ would be going against my morals as a friend. What did I do? I did what he did to me...I wrote a letter. I didn't call, I didn't admit I was scared of the conclusion of our friendship and I never explained MY end of the situation fully. I wrote a particularly blurry letter to JD and told him that I just couldn't help him.
Did I feel bad? HECK YA. JD WAS one of my closest friends on the face of this planet. He knew how to make me laugh and I knew how to make him smile. I knew him like the back of my hand but I guess in some guys their egos just get big over time. JD was always cool but now he thinks he's all that and that anyone will do everything and anything for him because "He's JD with all the girls running after him but not fast enough to catch him." He thinks that of everyone...and even me. That's probably what made me upset. I promised to never cry over a guy...ESPECIALLY one that i have never dated or been romantically involved with. See now that Joe and Dan are away I can't call them for guy advice. I love the advice I get from my girls but my advice from my two guys help just as much.
I probably could never tell Joe this happened...I probably wouldn't even tell Dan this happened. Joe told me that any guy that ever made me cry was in trouble and that he'd find him with his Louisville Slugger (an aluminum bat...and when he has a .235 I'd consider him a leathal weapon). Dan even claimed that he'd have my back if someone ever treated me wrong (and with a football kick that's sending him to Michigan i'd consider him just as leathal). Should I change JD's name when I tell them what happened? Haha I'll call him DJ...nice cover up right?
GRR boys make me angry. I slept the day after I cried at night. I slept about 4 hours and woke up with swollen eyes. I kept trying to think of happy things. Then "Townsend" popped into my head which therefore lead me down the road of "Townsend...Like JD?" Which therefore lead me down the road of reading Bob's Special Edition Insider's Column (Posted on: Townsend Love...By Amber). In my thoughts though i'm positive that Wendy won't divorce him and Todd won't freak...so little of a thing so little of a deal. I'm glad that he wrote what he wrote though. It's very true. In fact every single word of it's true in my eyes and I feel the exact same way. Including Todd's dancing. Except for the fact that Todd and I have grown apart and except for the fact that Todd's dancing caused me mild stomach pains (maybe a little tinker...haha just kidding!!! JUST KIDDING.) Oh yeah, I also highly doubt that Dom's going to go after good 'ol Trex with a club...Dom's not fast enough (and of couse i mean in respects of getting to the South Bay...he's much faster in other respects though haha.)
I do however think that Holly was right about the "unique" relationship Todd and Bob have. Both of them have such a wonderful relationship. The fact that Todd was able to accept his father as a manager as an adult was beating the odds of any 23 year old. The fact that Todd has the utmost respect for his father is beathing the odds of any 23 year old. In fact the fact that Todd has remained who he is and who he was is beating the odds of any 23 year old. Maybe it was the first and last one and only spank Todd got. I don't know.
It's true though, the guys are growing...as are we. I stated this in last week's colmn but now this is in a different perspective. The guys are just like any other friends but we are also fans. I realize and can accept the fact that the demanding schdules, the molds to fit and grow into, the standards to meet, and the goals to reach will strain and cause anyone to stray from i guess you could say "normal life." Nothing's sacred and we all know that's a fact. When was the last time ANY of the guys went a day without a Townsend related phone call or email?
Mina's feelings are shared mutually with a lot of us. I can admit for me it's the same way. Todd makes me feel safe (always does), Nick makes my world a better place, Dom's being Dom, Matt makes me laugh till I shake, and I feel happy when Ryan gets up to give me a hug instead of just saying "Hey." Sure I miss them, who wouldn't, sure I would never want to share them, who wouldn't? And without a doubt in my mind I feel like one of the luckiest girls in the world to know everyone that Townsend has brought into my life. The feelings I have for all of them are more than words could ever say.
But does it make them jerks to not know, remember, or respond to all of their fans? No. In fact few things could make THOSE guys jerks...even though I know a lot of you can think of 2 hands worth probably only half are legit. I think of the guys and I think of JD. There is a world that separates them. I wish JD could take a few pointers from a few guys I know.
Now in response to how the other guys have changed? Yes Todd's dancing is very slick (as noted before). As for him being stubborn. I'm not sure if he got MORE stubborn I think its just clearer. But if you think about it, it's also a good and rare quality in the entertainment buisness...he knows when to put his foot down. I do think though that the face Joy was talking about in her All Access column is BEYOND priceless. The way Joy and I reacted was the way probably ANY of us would've reacted, but only Joy and I thought of ourselves as flight directors with the batons...in fact when the two of us are bored we don't even need some sort of mental stimulant to come up with something funny to keep ourselves entertained, it was a God given gift...or maybe something less holy.
And yes, Todd is always at the beginning or the end...even the twins rotate...I'm not sure what's up with that. But for as long as I can remember he was last...saving the best for last you think?
Ryan HAS matured. I think I state that everytime I write about him to a similar effect. And I couldn't have worded it more perfectly: "He's no longer a kid hoping for things to happen. Now he's a young man making things happen." It's true and you can see it in his eyes like you can see a smoke billows from a fire from miles away (haha or MYLES away...). He's got a light in him that shines for miles.
Matt haha he is the easiest, I have told you before and I'll tell you again that he's one of the most grounded people walking the face of this planet. His birthday was on Wednesday. And at about 7:08 during the 7 @ 7 on 94.9 Strawberry did Matt Yoakum's shout out for his birthday. I was smiley. I dont know what to say about matt that his personality brings tears to my eyes, never have i met someone so genuine and sincere with so much joy, talent and happiness in his presence.
The twins. Ok so i think that they are hugely different...they're not as close as their looks make you think they are. You want to know how much i miss them sometimes? The other day i woke up and the first thing on my mind was Nick. You know how you have dreams but can't remember them? I think that's how it was with Nick, i had a dream about him, woke up and could only remember the basis that it was Nick. Haha okay you can stop laughing now. But it's wierd because sometimes I feel like we're so far away from each other when now we're only 5 minutes from each other. Actually there are times when i feel so much further away from Dominic than I feel from Nick. There are many times when i feel like there are oceans between Dominic and I but Nick's just a hop skip and a jump away from a hug. There are other times that I feel like Dom's talking to me in my ear and that Nick's a bit further away...who knows me and my emotions never make sense anyways...so don't analyze that too much. Oh and yes Joy...the mental picture flashed through my own mind as well...I actually laughed but I hope when you laughed you weren't drinking soda, and if you were, I hope you weren't near anyone haha.)
I don't know what to think of guys sometimes. Mina, Holly and I all come to similar conclusions that boys can suck and boys can also be confusing at times. But i'd like to think that since the male race was made so damn confusing was because of the fact that females are so smart that we need the challenge anyways for a little thinking. haha. Main point? NEVER fold to help a guy out no matter how much you care about him if he's going to be a poopie head.
Stay Safe & Stay You
Love Always,
Kristen
Townsendette_Kristen@yahoo.com
xoxoxo
***Note: Since then the beginning of me writing this column (getting an early start on the 17th) JD and I have reconciled and has told me that if I want to help him I can and if I don't want to it's just as cool. He told me that we'd always be friends no matter how far apart I think we are and he only called on me to help him because he knows I write this column every week and that whatever writing abilities I have are better than his (which is probably right if he spells "shot" with an "i" strategically placed where the O is). He apologized for any emotions he caused and pretty much told me he respected me and the decision I made.