Your Weekly Townsend Fix Column 17

Ok this column is completely new...everything is being put on hold because I want to talk about this and only this. Now, before...can I go through my usual greeting? (I just wanted to get straight this week's column will be straight forward; no loose ends.) So how has everyone been? I've been crazy as usual. I'm finding such a huge love in my life lately, I've completely come to appreciating life and everything it gives me. I'm actually living it to the fullest, and this time I"m sure of it. As far as school, I'm finding a huge love in acting and performing. I'm seriously beginning to think that this might be what I want to do to put food on the table and clothes on the back. So if I become a famous performer (God willing) you heard it here first! As far as my volleyball career as a coach, I'm proud of my 3-0 team. They're awesome minus the fact that they are turning into Townsend spazzes and we had to actually tell them to STOP talking about Townsend because they weren't focusing. I know! Stop talking about Townsend? It was odd for me too...in fact I'm still trying to get over it.

And as for my family front, I have never been so appreciative for them. Every morning I just wake up knowing that I am in the security of my home and family and that's all where I want to be. I've grown to love my family so much that it's gotten to the point where I need them everywhere with me, I mean they already ARE everywhere with me but I just need more of that. My dad and I have started going to lunch on Tuesdays since I get out at 1 and Mom and I have spent more time talking. Melanie and I have always been close but I"ve grown to be more patient...cool huh? I don't know, I think after everything I've noticed how special my family is and how fortunate I am to have them.

OK THE FIX! I know I owe you guys one and I"m really sorry. I didn't want Holly to have to worry about it because we're both in school and that really sucks up time. So here we are...I bet after the first couple of lines you were like "what is kristen going to write about now? Ryan's eyes?" Nope...don't get me wrong Ryan's eyes is a possible topic someday. Anyways, Townsend's Gifts. For a change I would like to throw out the window the fact that they're EXTEMELY good looking...or shall we say YOWZA, and that they can sing like angels. Let's look at them as if they were the very average Joe. So you're left with 5 guys named Rye, Todd, Matt, and two guys who look alike named Dom and Nick. (I think they may be twins.) Naturally, they know a lot of people. I mean Rye, Todd, and the guys who look the same used to work at the radio station and this new guy named Matt kicks it with 'em too. Guess they must attract people by their personalities because they have an aweful lot of friends. I think that's cool that they have such a big group of people surrounding them. In fact that's one of the gifts they have given. I have met so many people. I have had the oppertunity to form such incredible bonds and friendships with so many people and I'm grateful for it. After I released the long column on the official website I got some emails, and I'm still getting them now telling me how they "relate" to me. It means so much that I'm not the only one and I'm glad that they don't feel like they're the only one either. So many times the people who lose someone they love feel like they're the "only one" and that no one understands them. People emailing told me how "bold" I was and how surprised they were that I stuck it out so much. Frankly, I am too. Heck, who would've ever known I'd be sharing my life's loss story to so many people? I think it's because sharing it was my only way of coping. These five guys, instilled some sort of confidence in me to make me sure that I could do it all. I was so touched to realize what a response I'd get to it and was happy to have it. When people tell me that I was "couragous" I wonder if they realize what a whimp I am at a lot of things. You can certainly atke of that couragous label because I"m certainly not couragous. And I threw the facts they were hott and talented vocally because I want you to see what they've given me without singing and without doing more than they, Wendy, and Bob allowing me to voice what was on my mind.

Another gift is the gift of making me realize, when the world around me seems to crumble down, there's this light at the end of it all. I tend to have what a lot of people call "Tunnel Vision" in other words, I see one thing and that's all I see, I don't have any other thing to influence me, all I want is what I see. They've really torn down that barrier to help me to realize that there are so many different oppertunities that if I just let down my guard, I can do it. I wouldn't have found my love in acting if I didn't meet Townsend. They're truly this huge inspiration to me. Look at them, you have five talented guys who really expanded their horizons past WiLD 94.9 and past an Oregon homefront. I wish I could tell you that Townsend has a quality in them that is the most horrible example to little kids and that is a good reason that parents shouldn't expose their children to Townsend. I don't. They are the best gift to give a child growing up. I have not met a group of guys so wonderful with children. They're better at it than I am! Take Melanie for example. She's 12 and Lord only knows that those Boy Crazy years last for a long time, heck I'm still in mine. But that's not what matters, she's growing up. I can only be a big sister to an extent, it's up to her to realize what she wants to associate herself with and the kind of crowd she wants to be in. The world isn't perfect and obviously I can't keep her locked up. But I can set forth good examples. I didn't realize that Townsend would put in perspective it all so much for her. I'm beginning to notice qualities in her that I haven't seen in her before. I see her striving more in school. Her grades have gone from As, Bs, and Cs to just As and a couple Bs. She pushes herself more in effort on the volleyball court. She's always got a game face and applies herself to the game. Melanie is even beginning to see importance of early planning. I'm trying to figure out what it could be. Maybe it's her family, I don't know if it's her friends because they're at the same level she is, I'm left with Townsend. Being around a crazy big sister (and by that I'm talking about myself) all the time, she's bound to hear the name Townsend anywhere from 1 to 1 trillion times a day. If anyone knows how I feel about them it's her. And I do tell her things about Townsend whether it's a conversation I had with one of the guys last night online or it's about a dream I had last night. (No sorry I won't discuss those dreams...then you'll REALLY be positive I'm odd.) The point is, she's influenced by Townsend with or without them standing there in the flesh. In a way she looks up to them like I look up to Todd. I know she particularly liked it when Ryan came up and talked to her at the 98 Degrees Concert. She's told me a million times, "There were other older girls there and he came up and talked to me." He showed her that doing little, out of the way things, mean a lot to another person. She's grown so much to Townsend and I hope that one day when I have kids there will be a Townsend of their generation to provide the guidance they are now. I hope no loose ends are left, if there are let me know. But it's just so incredible how much they have given me by being them, not a group of popstars with a good sense of style, not some good looking guys that make girls swoon. They really are special, for so long now I have seen them evolve and people ask often, "why do you like them so much?" All I merely have to do is introduce them to one of the guys and it is clearly understood that are they they cool wierd that I have described them to be. If they're not there, all I have to do is smile. A lot of people know me by the size of my smile. If I give one of those half ones, it's either that I'm holding back tears or I'm not so into it because something else is distracting me. If I give a full smile they know I like whatever it is. If I have a full ear to ear, stretched out smile, they know. My mom says when I talk about Townsend my face kinda lights up and glows as if I was talking about my grandfather. There are only two things in this world that I have realized makes me smile like that, my grandfather and my Angels, Townsend. It's special to me because I find true happiness in Townsend. They don't have to sing their way to my heart or flash giddy smiles without their shirts showing their muscles to make me happy (but hey they can give it a try as many times as they want...you won't see me complaining) all they have to be are the friends that I find in them and I'm good to go. I defend them as if I was their mother I swear. If I THINK I hear something negative I'm in their face. My friend Maria likes to call them "ugly" to get me all riled up and steaming. The first time she did it I almost knocked her out in the middle of Block 6 lunch on the plaza. The point is they're special as just humans. We all know they're not though. They're these guys that just don't seem to get how to make people UNHAPPY. I wish I could just tell them in the right words what I just said. I will neer know how to word things right around them because...well I don't know. Maybe one day I'll be able just to say how much they mean to me. Now, I can only show it when I give them hugs or smile. (Ever seen me around them in person? My friends have given it the name "Stupid-Happy-Dork Smile" which is true I look like a stupid girl with a happy dorkish daze just standing there with this smile. I can't quite figure it out what it is. It's the charm, colonge, smiles, hugs, and personalities all put together that just sets it off I guess. Sometimes I wish I had this remote control on my life, to rewind, play, and pause as freely as I wished. I would rewind and pause A LOT of things I can assure you that. The only button I wouldn't have is the Stop button. This will keep going and going and going. They have brought me the gifts of life to really make me appreciate it to the fullest and I am so greatful to them for it.

Stay Safe & Stay You
Love Always,
Kristen

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