Insider Column 26

An insider's look at Townsend...
Chapter Twenty-six


January 18, 2002

Written for the Townsend Dream Team's site:
http://www.townsendstreetteam.com/dreamteam.html

It looks like our guys are well on their way to making it. I say that because Simco says so. Simco, if you remember, is Steve Harwell’s friend. Simco also works for me. He’s the guy that greased the skids for me to meet Robert Hayes. Robert manages Smash Mouth and now Townsend. Anyway, Simco was at our annual NASA DART party tonight (Friday, January 11th). He was acting all excited about Townsend and jumping up and down like a little kid that had to pee. He couldn’t wait to tell me about a conversation that he recently had with Steve Harwell. As it turns out, Steve called Simco to tell him about "his boys". It was something about Townsend blowing up the place (in Las Vegas at Planet Hollywood). I guess that’s good – is "blowing up" anything like "stinking"?

Supposedly the guys will be making a music video in a month or so. Now, we must take this with a grain of salt. Simco was jumping up and down like he had to pee for a reason. Besides the fact that he had been drinking too much, he is just easily excited, and it’s hard to tell with Simco because he always acts a little goofy.Maybe that’s why I like him so much. Enough on the boring Townsend stuff.

I’ve recently received a few emails asking me what this whole Wu thing is about and what does it take to become a member of the Wu family. I must point out that I am not the head Wu. I believe that Amber is one Wu who says who can be Wu. I do not know if she is the only Wu who can decide who is Wu. I know that we have a Wu matriarch that labels some people Wu. I don’t think that Amber is the Wu matriarch. I don’t know Wu she is. The Dream Team has some say in who is Wu. They may have started it. Or maybe it was the Street Team, or maybe it is Amber. It may have something to do with cats. Or maybe it has something to do with Wu-Todd. Maybe Todd is secretly Wu-ing some wumen fans. I know that I’m sounding silly, but I don’t think that I have the right to bestow the title of Wu.

Amber said that I granted her the power to bestow the title of Wu. I guess that must be true. In truth, I was just guessing that she was the Wu who was in fact the Wu Matriarch. It's okay with me but what if she is not the Wu who can legally bestow the title of Wu? We’ll end up with a bunch of illegitimate Woos (plural of Wu).

I think that we need to come up with an official Wu Certificate. I’ll start making them up next week. Who will sign the Wu certificates? Should they be signed by Wu Dad, Wu Todd or Wu who (woo hoo)? Maybe we should get Wu Amber to sign them. Yes, I think that I will make it official. Wu Amber is the Wu Matriarch. After all, which Wu is better to say who is the head Wu than this Wu?

Because not everyone can be Wu, I will leave it up to the original 9 Woos (not counting Todd or me) to decide who should be considered for recommendation for Wu. Wu Amber has the final say on who can be Wu. I think that Amber already approved a new Wu or two. I will ask Wu Amy of the Street Team to keep track of the Wu family. If you want to be a Wu you better know everything that is posted on the Townsend site, including the All Access Column and the Insider’s Column. Woos are dedicated Townsend fans that know everything there is to know about Townsend and is prepared to support Townsend’s quest for success. Someday you may be asked a tough question about Townsend. Will you be able to answer it? Can you answer all of the following?

1. Which Townsend guy had raccoon eyes when he was a kid and why?
2. How did Todd’s dad get the name T Rex and what does it mean?
3. Who is falsely reported to have bigger biceps, Dom or Nick?
4. What did Stella’s and Sheerin’s eyes have in common with Todd’s pants?
5. What’s Matt’s favorite candy?
6. What type of music does Townsend sing?
7. Who likes white Tigers?
8. Who drives the Townsend truck?
9. What type of car does Ryan want?
10. Who was called tiger as a kid?
11. Which fan calls T Rex "Pops" more than any other fan?
12. Which Townsend fan implies that she is crazy?
13. Who writes the All Access column?
14. Who did Matt replace as the fifth member of Townsend?
15. Who was the fifth member of Team Pretty Boy?
16. Who manages the Townsend Street Team?
17. What does Townsend’s Webmaster do for NASA?
18. What is Simco’s last name and what is his son’s name?
19. Which member of Townsend won’t get a tattoo because he is afraid of needles?
20. How does Matt end all his emails?

I couldn't agree with you more. I love the out poring of love that is often shown on this site by the Townsend fans. Sometimes I wish that I could give every Townsend fan a big fatherly hug!

No need to point out that this column is not cool. We Woos are not wooed by cool. There is one important think that you should be aware of. Woos stink!

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