Insider Column 12
An insider's look at Townsend...Chapter Twelve
July 27, 2001
Oh geez!! I can’t believe what is happening to me. My secret identity has been exposed. People that I work with have found out that I’m T Rex the manager of Townsend and the author of the Insider’s Column. No offense kids, but talk about embarrassing. There goes my image as a distinguished middle age NASA professional. Well, at least the middle age NASA part is accurate. Okay, so maybe I’m a little older than middle age.
That’s not all!! Mrs. T Rex’s secret identity has been revealed! She was caught red handed today by two members her staff with a picture of Townsend. They asked her what she was up to and in an incredible moment of weakness she blurted out the whole sordid story about how she was helping Townsend. It went down hill from there. They checked out the web site!!! Now they know that I’m T Rex. This is not good. Soon everyone in NAI Central (NASA Astrobiology Institute) will know that I’m T Rex and That Wendy is Mrs. T Rex.
I guess I ran into the phone booth one time too many. But, Wendy has no excuse for being so careless. It looks like we did a better job of keeping our NASA side from the Townsend fans than we did in keeping our involvement with Townsend from our NASA peers. Do you have any idea what this means? This means that I will be compelled to write this column as if I was your typical boring NASA type. I will have to use lots of acronyms and possibly even some anagrams. I will be forced to use totally unnecessary esoteric terms. I will have to start acting arrogant and cocky. Oh wait, I already do behave that way.
Did you know that "Astronomers" is an anagram of "no more stars"?
I can’t do it! I’m not capable. I will not lower the standards of this column by writing in NASAese. If I had to choose between Townsend and NASA, what would I do? While you (the average Townsend fan) may think that my decision would be a no brainer, I’m afraid that it is anything but that. My criteria would be, I am sure, significantly different than yours. For example, the following is how you might score the options vs. how I would:
Score on a 1 to 10 scale Fan
T Rex
1. Working with 5 "Hotties" like Townsend
(I can'tbelieve I just used that word)100
2. Spending your hard earned money (or
allowance) to promote these guys 10
3. Having the guys call you at all hours of the
day and night 100
4. Being involved in the music industry even
if you know very little about it 84
7. Spending hundreds of hours, reading,
researching and studying the business
of music entertainment
08
That little game had a funny way of putting things in perspective. Gee, what would I do? Well, actually the answer is that for now I'll continue to both, because I believe in Townsend.
I bet you’re wondering why I spoke out in this manner. As I alluded to earlier, many of my peers, most of my staff and even my boss know that I help manage Townsend. Some of them (the losers) even read this column. This is my way of answering the question I am most often asked, which is why am I willing to spend so much time and energy to support a band when only one in a thousand bands are successful? Before any of my subordinates whine to me that they fully understand why I am willing to do this, forget it. Don’t come to my office and bug me. I know that you understand why I am so willing to do it. I’m especially talking about you Frankel. Oh yea, and you DART guys (and gals), don’t you bug me either. I know that you know. And don’t worry, if there is a major disaster tomorrow and we need to deploy, I will be there by your side. But you knew that. Geez, do you really think that I would leave you in the hands of Marcus Discustis?
Well, anyway. I recently received an email from a NASA employee that works out here at Ames Research Center. The following is an excerpt from the email that I received: "My 17-year old daughter Michelle has been talking about this group called Townsend and had a few pictures taken with them at one of the concerts she's been to lately. I mentioned that this group would be playing at the air show coming to Ames. Somehow, she mentioned Todd's last name as Dolci and we figured out that you might be the "father" and the "manager" of the group. So are you T-REX? Anyway, my daughter and her friends think Townsend is really HOT. Now I will probably be hearing a lot about Townsend."
As it turns out, there are many NASA employees here at Ames that have kids (girls) that know about Townsend. This is scary. It is likely that more people will put 2 and 2 together and get T Rex for the answer. I really did try to keep Townsend and NASA separate. I guess it didn’t help that NASA is hosting the air show. That means far more Townsend fans and NASA employees will make the connection. Of course with Wendy staffing the NAI Central booth at the air show many of the Townsend fans are likely to visit her. I’m sure that the Townsend guys will. Her secret identity will be history.
One of my employees, Simcoe N Walmsley III, came by my office this morning to have a little chat with me about Townsend. Simcoe runs around telling everyone that he discovered Townsend. Simcoe is in his mid 30’s. He acts like a teenager. In some ways he reminds me of Steve "Smash Mouth" Harwell. Hang on, I have a point to all of this. Simcoe and Steve "Smash Mouth" Harwell have been good buddies since high school. If it wasn’t for Simcoe, Townsend wouldn’t have been introduced to Steve or to Steve's manager Robert Hayes. Not that Steve would ever read this column, but just in case he does; Steve please forgive me for comparing you to Simcoe.
While I’m thinking about it, let me point out that Robert Hayes has been a great help to Townsend. He has given me tremendously valuable guidance and support. Thanks Robert. Robert has known Simcoe for a long time also. Simcoe, wait until you hear what Robert told me about you. The shame of it all!! And, how could you name your son Simcoe the 4th? Talk about mean.
I’ve had the pleasure of meeting with Robert on a couple of occasions. "Robert" sounds very formal and "Bob" sounds very informal. Right? So how come every time I meet with him I’m wearing a suit and he’s wearing a T-shirt, shorts and he is barefooted? Go figure.
Hi Margie.
While I’m at it, you yahoos that belong to the SBHRS, especially Keith and Ed, you’ll just have to be patient a little longer. The corporation will not fall apart in my absence. Keith, keep throwing mud. Ed, don’t put anything on the walls. One more thing, none of you better make fun of my T Rex title. Do you hear me ED?
Well, I guess that it’s time that I shared a little bit about myself with those dozen or so T Rex fans that are curious. Actually, I think that I’m up to about 20 fanatic (mildly enthusiastic) T Rex fans. If you’re not one of the 20, don’t waste your time reading beyond this point. But you might want to skip to the end to find out when the Townsend guys will be in the chat room.
So what is this DART thing that I refer to every now and then? DART stands for Disaster Assistance and Rescue Team. It is one of the best urban search and rescue teams in the country. It is the only fully federally-sponsored urban search and rescue team in the country. It’s NASA’s only fully operational and deployable team. There are 28 other urban search and rescue (US&R) teams in this country but they are all state sponsored. We all can support the Federal Emergency Management Agency (FEMA) when requested to do so. As a matter of fact DART supports one of California’s 8 US&R teams. I formed DART 15 years ago for NASA and I’m its chief. DART has about 100 members. DART specializes in collapsed structure. We’ve responded to disasters caused by floods, hurricanes, earthquakes and a bombing. Remember how I got the name T Rex? T stands for Townsend and Rex is short for reexquateretist. Reexquateretist means rescue specialist. That makes me Townsend’s rescue specialist. I’m not sure if that means that I’m suppose to save the girls from the guys or the guys from the girls.
Okay, even though DART is a NASA program, DART is not my main job. Not even close. I am sure that you would consider my regular NASA job to be boring. So I won’t waste your time or mine telling you what I do. I will tell you what my official title is. I am the Chief of the Facilities, Logistics, and Airfield Management Division. It’s a somewhat misleading title (I have very little to do with the airfield). But, that’s what I go by because that’s what it says in the NASA Ames phone book.
I’m also the chairman of the board of a not for profit public benefit corporation. The corporation is called the South Bay Historical Railroad Society (SBHRS). We’re responsible for all the historically significant railroad structures between San Francisco and Gilroy. We have a museum and library in the Santa Clara Railroad Depot. The depot was built in 1863. It’s the oldest depot west of the Mississippi River. We’ve spent the last 15 years restoring it and other railroad structures in the area. You’ve heard of tree huggers. The SBHRS is a bunch of guys that like to hug old railroad stuff and chase trains. Personally, I think that I’m the only normal person in the group.
Did you know that the San Francisco railroad depot is on the corner of 4th and Townsend? Did you know that the only thing on the corner of 5th and Townsend is railroad tracks? Did you know that Townsend’s proposed corporate name is 5th and Townsend? Did you know that I plan on taking a picture of the guys as they walk across the cross walk on 5th and Townsend? They will be barefooted. Get it?
Boring column this time, huh? Well, now, when will the guys be in the chatroom? It will be Monday evening. One of them will post a message sometime after 6:00 pm on the message board that will let you know when they will be in the chat room. Matt will be back in town late Monday afternoon.
Well, I wasted enough of your time. By the way, next week we will have multiple columns. We’re going to have a new column. In addition to my weekly column we’re going to have a Townsend Reporter that will be reporting monthly. Also, Wendy may write my column for me next week.
That’s all for now and it’s more than enough. Later all.
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