Insider Column 7

An insider's look at Townsend...Chapter Seven


Every now and then I find myself short on words. Writing comes easy for me when I’m feeling humorous. This past week I’ve found it difficult to find my humorous side. Townsend has fans and Townsend has friends. When a friend of Townsend is suffering, so suffer the members of Townsend. Kristen has been a fan and a true friend of Townsend prior to the time the guys decided to form Townsend. Many of you know that our friend Kristen is going through some very tough times. The five members of Townsend and I are deeply saddened by Kristen’s sorrow. The guys felt that the best way to express their feelings is to let their singing do it for them. Those of you who have been reading my column since the beginning know the significance of the song Just Say Goodbye. The next time Townsend has the opportunity to sing Just Say Goodbye live they will dedicate the song to Kristen and her family.

Before I start Ryan’s interview let me point out that Todd acted greatly offended when I wrote in last week’s column that I thought that he looked like a dork when he was younger. Of course I assumed that everyone would know that I was kidding about him being an ugly baby and dorky looking kid. So, to undo the grievous wrong, I was going to post a picture I had that was taken when he was 6 years old. I thought that it was hecka cute (I’m spending too much time in the chat room). I told Todd that I was going to post it on the Insider’s Fun Page. I showed him the picture that I wanted to post and he said. "You can’t post that, I look like a dork". Go figure. There still is a chance that this picture will show up on a website somewhere. Why do I believe this? I sent copies of the picture to every one of the Reexquateretist Contest winners. Maybe one of them will post it on one of the Townsend Fan Club websites.

It seems like Todd is always irritated with me for one reason or another. It must stem from his miserable childhood (jk). I think Todd is still mad at me for naming him Todd Michael Pasquale Dolci. I don’t know what he has to complain about. I could have named him after me. Imagine being stuck with Guiseppi (Joseph) Roberto Pasquale Gaboodo Dolcimascolo III. Is it any wonder why I go by the name of Bob Dolci?

I’ve decided that interviewing the guys is no fun. When I don't agree with what they say or how they say it I want to say, " don’t say that, say this". Well, I wanted to, but I didn’t. Maybe I’ll get one of the guys to interview me. I’ll show them a thing or two. Anyway, the following is my nearly unchanged interview with Ryan.

T Rex: I hope you can do better than Todd did in responding to this question. Ryan, what was your most embarrassing moment you experienced when growing up?

Ryan: My most embarrassing moment when I was growing up would have to be when I got sunburned while I was skiing. It was a sunburn on my face except where my goggles go. It looked very bad. Skiers call it goggle eyes. I had to go to school with them and everyone laughed at me and asked me what was wrong with my face!

T Rex: Oh yea, I can definitely see how that can result in traumatizing embarrassment for a kid (Geez)! I can just picture little Ryan going to school looking like a raccoon. Ya know, I think the Beatles wrote a song about that a long time ago. Ryan Raccoon or was that Rocky Raccoon? Maybe we can update the song and call it Ryan Raccoon.

T Rex: If we were to pose this question to your mom, what would she say was your most embarrassing moment?

Ryan: She would probably say it was my first time ski racing when I went through the wrong finish line. That was embarrassing especially because I thought that I did so well!

T Rex: Now that is embarrassing!!
How would you characterize the average Townsend fan?

Ryan: What can I say? We have the best fans there is (are)!!! They are so supportive, they work real hard promoting us, they are energetic, and they are off the hook!!

T Rex: How important are the Townsend Fan Clubs to the success of the group?

Ryan: they are very important to us. They help in promoting us everywhere we go!!! They print flyers they, do mass emails, they do everything!! They help us out a lot!!

T Rex: People in the media spotlight have the biggest opportunity to reach out to a lot of people. Many artists come into the music industry wanting their fans to enjoy their music, but do not have any intention of teaching people anything. What do you think you can teach others through your music? Not just your fans but people who are neutral and even people who do not like your music.

Ryan: Well, our music right now doesn't have all the influences that we want it to. Our song, Just Say Goodbye, has a message. The meaning of the message is to remind people to tell their love ones how much they love them at every opportunity they have. I would like for our music to have a positive influence on people when it comes to working hard. I want everyone to know that working hard and never giving up will lead to success.

T Rex: Do you believe that Townsend's music is evolving? If so, how?

Ryan: I don’t believe it has evolved yet but it is very close to evolving. We know everything we want to incorporate into our music, we just haven’t recorded it yet!!

T Rex: Are all five of you in total agreement on where you want to take your music?

Ryan: Yeah, I would say we are in a pretty good agreement with where we want to take our music. But, we also don’t want to do music that isn’t music that we like. We figure we are going to do music we like not what we are told, and if people like it we will be successful!

T Rex: How long do you feel that Townsend's career in entertainment will last?

Ryan: I believe that it will last as long as we want it to!! I love entertainment and I plan to be in it as long as I can.

T Rex: What is your post Townsend career plans?

Ryan: I plan to do acting and possibly go into producing

T Rex: What do you like most about being in the entertainment industry?

Ryan: I love to entertain people and see them smile. It is one of the best feelings in the world. It is pretty much unexplainable!

T Rex: Do you have any tattoos? If so, where and of what?

Ryan: No I don’t, but I have thought about getting one!

T Rex: Todd told me that you're a real fanatic when it comes to racy cars. What car reflects your personality? Why?

Ryan: I would say a Lamborghini Diablo SV in blue metallic with chrome wheels!! It is one of the best designed cars in the world. I am a perfectionist and appreciate things of the highest quality especially when it comes to cars.


The following is a sad attempt to rewrite Rocky Raccoon to fit Ryan’s persona. If you’re not familiar with the song this will make no sense to you. Maybe, your mom or dad have a copy of the record.

Now somewhere in the Sierra mountains of California
There lived a young skier named Ryan Raccoon
One day his babe ran off with another ski guy
The ski guy was ranked first in his class
This hit young Ryan hard between his goggle eyes
Ryan didn't like that
He said I'm gonna get that crass dude back

So the next day Ryan skied into South Lake Tahoe
He booked himself a room in a local casino

Ryan Raccoon checked into his room
Only to find a Gideon's Bible
Ryan had pockets full of cash
He planned on playing poker with his ski rival
His rival it seems, had broken his dreams
By stealing the ski bunny of his fancy

Her name was Sheerin and she called herself Lynne
But everyone knew her as Miss Clancy
Now she and her man who called himself Downhill Dan
Were in the next room at the casino

Ryan burst in and grinning a grin placed all his money on the poker table.
He said Downhill Dan you’re not much of a man
I’m gonna win, I say I’m gonna win back my snow bunny

Da da da da
Doo de do do da

But Downhill Dan was hot, he won an awful lot
And of course in the end, it was his winning hand
That beat Ryan’s four deuces
Ryan collapsed in a faint
As he fell to the floor
He hit his head hit on the corner table

Da da da da...

Now the doctor came in stinking of gin
And proceeded to lie on the craps table
He said Ryan you met your match
And Ryan said, Doc it's only a scratch
And I'll get better doc and I'll be skiing as soon as I’m able

Now Ryan Raccoon he crawled back to his room
Only to find Gideon's Bible
Ryan checked it out and Gideon left no doubt
Gambling was listed
Yes listed as a deadly sin in the Bible

doo do de da... c'mon Ryan boy...

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