An Account of My Six-Second Meeting with Jane Adams

Or, How Laryngitis Ruined My Life

I am not the sort of person who meets celebrities often. Perhaps as a consequence, I tend to get rather starstruck when I do. I went to college with Natalie Portman; the high point of that experience was when, running full-tilt around a corner in the English building, I all but knocked her over, and then sputter-babbled for five minutes as she picked herself up and went on her way. I don’t have a very good track record for this sort of thing.

That’s point one. Point two is that a week before the trip to NY, I got a severe cold. That was cause for concern in itself; I was afraid I’d go to the show and spend the entire time hacking, sneezing, and coughing.

Happily, the cold resolved itself by the time the trip rolled around. However, in a generous parting gesture, it left me with a fairly bad case of laryngitis.

So I could barely talk all the day of the show, which was fine as far as the show was concerned, but I really wanted to wait outside the stage door and at least have a shot at meeting Jane. My lovely girlfriend (henceforth referred to as “Danielle,” since, well, that’s her name) was with me, which was a help; but unfortunately, she tends to be even more starstruck than I, despite the fact that she’s met nearly everyone who’s anyone on Broadway, so she warned me in advance that she’d be no help. “Write a note!” she said. “I’m not going to talk!”

Feeling somewhat helpless, I did. However, when I presented it to Danielle for inspection, she insisted that I put the link to this website on the note, and the squabble hadn’t yet been resolved (putting stuff up here about jumping over the mezzanine is all well and good in jest, but I’m afraid it would land me a nice restraining order if the actress in question ever saw it) when the guy who was manning the stage-door said “Oh, here comes Janie.” Oh well.

She had her dog on a leash (a pretty golden Lab; Danielle went into ecstasies over it), and, though she signed autographs for the people who were waiting, she seemed kind of distracted and rushed. Therefore, she appeared understandably nonplussed when I, considerably rattled but not willing to let this chance go, resolutely stepped forward with my playbill and let loose with the following growled words of unparalleled eloquence:

“Akkk – can’t – talk – gmrgpml.”

Like I said, I think she was understandably puzzled.

Danielle, who apparently felt bad enough for me that it outweighed her own natural shyness, stepped in at that point and explained that I was a really big fan who happened to have laryngitis, and would she please sign my playbill? She did so. I ran far far away. Ten minutes later, when my voice came back partially, I realized the laryngitis had been badly exacerbated by nerves, and if I’d kept my head I could probably have gotten something out.

And that’s my story.