Chapter 2

“Oh my God…”

Nick and Brian respectively sat and stood in front of the computer, their mouths hanging open. For the first ten minutes or so, it had been quite funny to read, even with Nick’s thoughtful comments – “There again! Why does everybody keep telling that I’m messy?!”, “…I thought we were supposed to be the best friends ever…”, “Yeah Brian, fuck you!”, “Oh, coz we’ve been together before?! Hey, I don’t remember it!” Brian had indulged him, softly smiling, already too caught up in what he was reading to really listen to Nick’s lousy jokes. “Hm, that sounds like AJ alright!” “Nick, will you just shut up and read!” Brian chuckled. “I don’t hate Kevin that much, anyway…” Nick still added, happily ignoring Brian’s injunction. Brian sighed; “Hm, they’re right! I never drop out at your place, you’re here first!” he laughed. “Aha! See, you’re doing it too!” Nick exclaimed, genuinely happy to have caught Brian out at his own game.

But then everything had changed. Nick suddenly grew quiet; his hand had been resting on Brian’s shoulder, and when the words “Cause that’s all it ever was, right? That’s all I ever was...someone for you to fuck around with while we were on tour” showed up, Brian felt Nick squeeze it nervously. Okay. I don’t wanna read this. I didn’t think it would be me who’d be raped! Brian nervously thought a few lines after, feeling his hands getting sweaty. And by Nick what’s more… He wondered what Nick could possibly be thinking right now. He also wondered why he seemed to keep on reading; all that Brian wanted to do right now was to turn the computer off and run away! But at the same time…he wanted to know. Wanted to know how far all this would go, how things would turn out. Whoever had written this story was good! Good? Sick, rather!! Who’d write such things about anyone?! But Brian raised his eyes back to the screen and went on reading. He had to know. He felt Nick’s hand grip his shoulder tighter and quickly went through a couple of lines, wanting to catch up with him. “Okay, this is…this is sick!” the latter suddenly exclaimed, his voice trembling. He let go of Brian shoulder and took a few steps away from the computer, nervously running his hands through his short hair. Brian read some more, barely breathing, and turned slightly to look at Nick. He was walking back and forth along the carpet, looking down, his cheeks flush, and he kept running his hands through his hair almost spasmodically. “Nick…” Brian softly said, “You said it yourself; it’s just a fiction…” “No! It’s...it’s sick!!” Nick repeated, still walking. “Nick, calm down,” Brian enjoined, getting worried; “It’s just a—” “I would…I would never hurt you like that!” Nick finally let out in a heart filled gasp, turning round to stare at Brian’s blue eyes. Brian’s heart sank; Nick’s eyes were watery, his hands shaking…He never thought Nick would react to that. Brian shakily got up and walked over to where Nick was standing, not leaving his gaze for a second. “Hey, don’t get so upset,” he softly said, reaching out and lightly stroking Nick’s arm through his t-shirt; “I know you wouldn’t!” But Nick didn’t seem satisfied. His eyes blazing with anger, he strode back to the computer and sat down; “I’m telling you, if whoever wrote that shit makes me go all the way, they’re gonna hear from me!” he hissed, starting to read again. “They said there would be a rape, Nicky…” Brian sighed, taking Nick’s former place, behind the chair. He gently put both his hands on Nick’s shoulders and felt him shiver, but Nick didn’t do anything for him to put his hands away. “You don’t know how much I’ve missed this with you,” he whispered into Brian’s ear, biting down on the sensitive lobe. Swiftly, he turned Brian around and pushed him down onto his stomach. With each new sentence, Nick felt sicker and sicker. He would never, never do such a thing to Brian. And that had nothing to do with the fact that for Christ’s sake they weren’t gay! No. He just…he would never hurt Brian, full stop. As the rape fulfilled itself, Nick had to repress the bout of nausea that overwhelmed him. He had to repress the tears, also, and he knew he wasn’t very good at it. He knew Brian couldn’t see him anyway, so he finally let the tears go down, thankful that he didn’t yet feel like sniffling.

Brian felt nauseous. And that was nothing compared to his mental anguish. He couldn’t believe it; wouldn’t allow himself to believe this was happening. That Nick was raping him. Raping him…How could anybody invent that…How could anybody write that?! Brian didn’t understand, couldn’t understand. But deep down, he knew exactly why somebody had written that. He didn’t know what would happen after that horrible rape yet, but he had well seen there was something like twenty chapters, so it had to be slow and hard. It was a great plot, and he knew it. Only he would have wished it didn’t involve himself and Nick. Nick, whom he had later fallen in love with, who had been his lover until Brian had done what was ’right’ and gotten married. Married to a woman he had never loved as much as his Nick. Ten minutes before, Brian would have gotten upset, saying that he loved Leighanne with all his heart, but now he didn’t even think about it. It felt weird, so weird to read all that, all those feelings that were supposedly his own, that would most definitely be his own in such circumstances. He felt tears rolling down his cheeks, but knowing Nick couldn’t see his face, he didn’t try to stop them. Nick had made the text scroll down once more and the chapter two was now facing them. Brian didn’t know if he’d have the strength to read it through, though. His legs felt like jelly, and it was getting harder by the second not to break down in tears. He suddenly felt water on his fingers and shuddered. As the minutes went by, his hands had sneakily crept along Nick’s shoulder, eventually grazing his neck. Nick was crying too? Brian tried to say something but no sound came out of his mouth. Nick didn’t move, so Brian reluctantly went on reading, reading himself going at Denise’s house the morning after, lost and heartbroken, because Nick was more important to him than anyone else in his life, including his wife.

Nick swallowed the lump in his throat and went on reading, even though his eyes were clouded by tears. He knew Brian knew he was crying. He could feel Brian’s fingers brushing his neck, and could also feel his own tears tickling it, going further down as the minutes went by. He couldn’t stop reading now. He had to know, had to find out what would happen, what the Nick of the story would do. Kill yourself, you bastard!! He thought with hatred, nervously gripping his knees to stop his hands from shaking. How could you do that to him?! To Brian!! Deep down, he knew it was just a story, that it had nothing real about it; he was just being a jerk. But it felt so real. So weird, too, reading himself raping his best friend, hurting him more strongly than he could ever do in real life. He had to know why he, the Nick of the story, had done that. Whoever had written that story had to tell him why he had done that! And he had to pay.

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Chapter 3
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