The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
LIES FEARS & LOVE
BY TROG |
CHAPTER
40 |
chapter 40
THE PENTHOUSE
Tea paced nervously around the penthouse waiting for Todd to return with Starr. She had changed out of her red suit into jeans and a white, loose knit sweater and she found herself pulling on its loops as she walked around looking at her watch. Lourdes came down the stairs and noticed Tea’s anxiety.
“Miss Starr’s room is already and I put some fresh daisies by her bed...I can’t wait to meet her. It will be lovely having a little girl around,” she said.
“She is lovely. When Todd and I were first married and she came to live with us...I just fell in love with her. She’s so imaginative and playful. I think she really loved me then...almost like a mother. But now, Lourdes, I just don’t know. She just might hate me and hold me responsible for ruining her family.”
“You know, Ms. Delgado, in my experience all children need is to be loved and made to feel safe. They can deal with just about anything if those two needs are met.”
“I know...I just don’t want her to hate me...Todd loves her so much.”
“How could Miss Starr hate you...when her father is so crazy in love with you. You and Mr. Manning are so in love I can feel it in the walls of this place...and she will feel it to.”
Tea gave Lourdes a hug.
“Thanks, Lourdes, I really needed to hear that. How’s Leo?”
“I put him down for a nap. I wanted him to be rested before he meets his sister.”
Suddenly the door opened and Todd walked in. Alone. Tea immediately saw the sadness in his eyes and felt the seething anger beneath the dark, silent demeanor.
Lourdes quickly excused herself and went up the stairs as Tea walked over to Todd and took his hand.
“Querido, where’s Starr??” she asked softly.
Todd shook his head and walked away from her.
“I left her with Blair. I couldn’t bring her...Blair wouldn‘t let me,” he said with his head hung down and his back to her.
“Todd, you have custody. She can’t stop you from taking Starr.”
He turned and looked at her.
“Yes, she can. I have custody, but Blair has the one thing that gives her more power over Starr than custody. She has the truth and she’s not afraid to use it against me,” he said sitting down, crestfallen and depressed. “Just when I thought my past was drifting away, when I thought it couldn’t touch me any more...it comes back to remind me of what I am...it comes back to destroy my life.”
Tea rushed over and sat beside him, holding his hand.
“I don’t understand. What truth does she have.”
Tea could see his red-rimmed eyes as he looked at her, struggling to hold back. He looked defeated and morose.
“She told me if I took Starr...she’ll tell her, Tea.”
“Tell her what?”
“She’ll tell her...I’m a rapist,” he said, falling against her and burying his face in her neck.
Tea held him tightly and comforted him for a few minutes. Until this moment she had given Blair some credit for at least having the basic instincts of motherhood--of putting her children’s needs before her own, but she no longer believed that. Using Todd’s greatest sin, his greatest shame against him in this way showed a total lack of conscience. This woman had no soul and leaving Starr in her care was both wrong and dangerous.
“Todd, you have custody of Starr. You have the legal authority to have her with you. Blair‘s bluffing...she wouldn’t do that to Starr!”
“How can I take that chance, Tea? Starr’s not ready to hear that her father is a rapist...hell, she doesn’t even know what a rapist is...and I don’t want to have to explain it to her...not yet,” he said getting up and walking around the room. “Tea...one day I’m going to have to look my daughter in the eye and tell her what I did. And she’ll never look at me the same way again...I know that. Starr thinks I walk on water right now...and I love that...I want that for a few more years. Maybe Blair is bluffing...maybe she is...but I can’t take that chance. And maybe that makes me a coward, Tea...so be it. I’m a coward when it comes to Starr.”
“No, you’re not a coward. You’re a loving father who puts his child’s needs before his own...as it should be. And you’re right, Todd, Starr is much too young to hear about your past, but when you do tell her, she will not stop loving you. Do you hear me? That will never change, me amor. I promise you that. Starr will always love you...and you will make her understand...and she will forgive you.”
Todd walked over to Tea and held her, burying his face in her long hair, needing to feel the warmth and comfort of her love. He sighed deeply against her as he pulled her tightly to him.
“Tea....I hurt her.”
Tea pulled away from him.
“Todd? What do you mean?”
“I almost strangled Blair.”
Tea sighed deeply and shook her head slowly.
“But she’s okay, right?”
“I just lost it and started to choke her...for a minute, I just wanted to kill her. I was just thinking about protecting Starr, but .....it frightened me how much I wanted her dead. It made me sick...I could have hurt the baby.”
Todd noticed the fear rising in Tea’s eyes.
Oh, don’t worry, Delgado, I stopped myself...she’s still alive unfortunately.”
“Well, that’s good because you really don’t need a murder wrap to add on to your illustrious police record, querido.”
Todd smiled. He leaned down and kissed her tenderly, touching her lovely face and feeling like he was safe--like he was home.
“I’m sorry, Tea. You’re disappointed in me, right?”
“You were angry...and you stopped. You stopped yourself, Todd!”
They stared at one another for a moment thinking about another incident between them, an incident that took place in the garden shed at Llanfair and Todd looked away in shame, but Tea pulled his face back to face hers and forgave him with her eyes. Tears rose in his eyes as he put his arms around her.
“I’m sorry, Tea,” he whispered into her ear, his voice shaking with remorse. “I’ll never forgive myself for that. I’m so sorry.”
“I know,” she said simply. It was the darkest moment of their relationship, one she had a difficult time letting go of, but in her soul she knew it would not happen again. She had the power to forgive him--to pardon him-- for that particular sin and she did. Todd had enough sins to carry around without the added weight of this one. In the end it had been her choice to forgive him, and she had made it. Risk had always been a part of them and she was willing to take the risk of trusting him never to let that happen again. It frightened her a little that he had lost control with Blair....but....she knew Blair.
Todd took a deep breath and pulled away from her.
“I want to go and see Leo, okay? I need to see my son.”
“He’s upstairs.”
Todd kissed her again and headed up the stairs.
A few minutes later Lourdes came down. Tea was pacing around the room angrily when something caught her eye. She walked over to the desk and picked up Todd’s keys staring at them for a moment before turning to Lourdes.
“Lourdes, tell Mr. Manning that I had to run out, but I’ll be back in an hour,” she said as she headed toward the door with a determined air.
DORIAN’S MANSION
Tea had parked out on the street in front of the mansion and walked slowly up the driveway of Dorian’s mansion carefully staying in the darkness. She noticed a few lights on upstairs but only one light on the ground floor. As she made her way cautiously toward the front door she looked through the windows which gave her a clear view into the livingroom. It was empty. As she filtered through Todd’s key ring, she started trying different keys in the lock as quietly as possible. Finally one of the keys fit and she turned the lock opening the door slowly trying not to make any noise.
As she entered the foyer, she tip-toed into the livingroom but all was empty and quiet and creeping slowly to the bottom of the steps, she stood still and listened, hearing footsteps coming from upstairs. Tea took a deep breath and made her way up the stairs hoping she would make it to the top without being seen. On reaching the top she found herself faced with a long corridor, but she wasn’t sure which room was Starr’s. Suddenly she heard a door opening and she ducked into the first door to her right. It was dark inside, but she could see it was empty and all she could hear was the sound of her pounding heart. Opening the door a crack, she listened.
“Starr, are you sure you don’t want a snack?” asked Blair.
“No, Mommy, I’m not hungry.”
Tea held hear breath as she noticed Blair walking by and going downstairs. Waiting till the sound of Blair’s footsteps disappeared she finally exited the room and started opening doors and peaking into the empty rooms. Finally she came to an opened doorway and noticed Starr sitting on the floor with her back to the door, playing with her dolls. Tea stepped in quietly and closed the door behind her. Starr quickly turned around at the sound.
“Tee,” she called out as she jumped up and ran into Tea’s arms.
Tea hugged her tightly as tears came to her eyes.
“Estrella...Estrella, you’re so beautiful...and so tall,” she said trying to keep her voice to a whisper.
“What are you doing here, Tee?” said Starr excitedly, a look of complete surprise in her pretty eyes.
Tea bent down and put her fingers to her lips.
“S-s-s-h-h-h, Starr, you have to be really quiet because noone knows I’m here.”
“Are we playing a game?”
“Yes! It’s a game! We’re playing...KIDNAP...and I’m going to steal you and take you to see your daddy at the penthouse and we’ll both surprise him. Do you want to play?”
“Yeah!!” said Starr eagerly.
“Well, how are we going to sneak out without being seen?”
“There’s a stairway down the back of the house and through the kitchen.”
“Okay, are you ready?”
“Starr!” called Blair as she opened Starr’s door.
Tea moved quickly behind the door, pressing her body against the wall, as Blair stood in the doorway. Starr’s eyes looked like saucers as she looked from Tea to her mother, uncertain of what to do. She suffered that divided loyalty that children feel, that need to please everyone they love.
“Sweetheart, who are you talking to... why did you close your door?”
“I was playing a game with Tee! It’s called KIDNAP! It’s a secret game.”
Blair looked confused but than noticed Starr’s Nurse Tee doll on the floor among her other dolls.
“Well, can I play too?” asked Blair playfully.
“Nope. It’s a secret game.”
“Okay. Well I’ll be in my room watching TV for a while and I’ll come and tuck you in later, okay?”
“Okay, mommy.”
Finally Blair walked away and Tea closed her eyes and sighed deeply with relief. Starr went over to the door and closed it.
“Tee? Daddy and mommy are mad at each other, ha?”
Tea kneeled down and spoke softly to her.
“Sweetie, both your mommy and daddy love you. If they are mad it’s with each other, not you.”
“I know. But I wish they weren’t always fighting. I wish daddy loved mommy again. I tried to make him love her again, but I don‘t think he does....it‘s because of you, ha, Tea. Daddy wants to be with you, not with mommy.”
Tea smiled at this little girl’s simple and accurate perceptions and nodded slowly.
“I know I’m not your real mommy Starr, but I love your daddy...we love each other...and we want to be together. Can you understand that?”
Starr nodded.
“You make daddy happy, ha, Tee?”
“Yeah, I think I do...but, so do you, Starr and your daddy can‘t be happy if you‘re not with him,” said Tea.
Starr smiled and hugged Tea warmly.
“Can we play KIDNAP now and go surprise daddy?” she whispered playfully.
Tea stood up.
“Let’s go. We have to be really quiet so that nobody hears us, okay?”
Tea took Starr’s hand and opened the door quietly. She looked out into the hallway and they both started walking softly down the carpeted floor and on passing Blair’s room Tea could see her through the crack of her partially opened door, lying on top of her bed, sound asleep, with the television on. They snuck by and Starr lead Tea toward the back staircase. They ran quickly down the stairs and made there way through the dark kitchen toward the back door. When they got outside Starr skipped ahead of Tea and they ran across the yard, hiding behind trees and laughing softly as they snuck through the gates and made there way to Todd’s car which Tea had parked out front.
“Yay, I’m kidnapped,” shouted Starr happily as she jumped around the sidewalk.
By the time they got into the car they were giggling like two happy spies.
“Your daddy is going to be so surprised,” said Tea as she belted Starr in and started up the car.
2001 Copyright by Trog
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