The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
LIES FEARS & LOVE
BY TROG |
CHAPTER
25 |
chapter 25
DORIAN’S MANSION
Opening the ornate door of the place Todd stepped in reluctantly, closed it behind him and leaned against it, looking around this strange place that had become his home in this chaotic life he had created for himself. There was a jagged pain inside his chest that had been aching since he left Tea and Leo in New York a few hours ago, and the closer he got to Llanview the more unbearable it became. Leaving Tea was like leaving home.
Walking into the overly ornamented living room, he sat down on the hard, gilded sofa and thought about what he had done. How did he let this happen between him and Blair--how did he get sucked back into her hostile, duplicitous world with its constant lies and schemes. Did he need that kind of conflict in his life, or was he just punishing himself?
When he left Tea in Chicago he had contemplated suicide. Her knowing about his father’s rape was unbearable to him, but equally unbearable was living without her, and the only thing he had left worth living for was Starr. That’s what brought him back here, Starr’s love--he needed to feel love from someone. But Starr’s love was not enough to sustain him, not after loving Tea, and so, in his profound loneliness, he sought out Blair.
Blair was safe. She was content with whatever he gave her, however little that was, she didn’t care about knowing his heart or his secrets, she was way too self-absorbed to think about the pain he might be in. Tea was willing to do the hard work, to dig way down into his soul and see who he really was, willingly risking her own happiness to know him and understand him. In the end, it was she who faced the darkness with him bravely, and loved him still. Blair was a survivor and her main goal had always been self-preservation. Blair wanted money and power, that’s how she felt safe--and he could give her that. That’s all he could ever really give her.
When he first met Tea, almost immediately he sensed a connection between them, an intrinsic strength that he’d never seen in anyone else. She was fearless, adventurous and her passion for everything made him feel alive again while her warm, sensual beauty and womanly softness, made him feel a passion and lust he thought was lost to him forever. Where Blair was all artifice, cowardice and lying, Tea was all genuine, courageous and honest. Tea Delgado was like some undeterred explorer who had discovered the dark continent that was Todd Manning and there she laid claim to him.
Todd smiled up at the ceiling thinking about last night in that parking garage in pilot, and then watching her today with Leo, being the perfect nurturing mother. She was an earthly goddess with her seductions and enchantments, and an earthy mother with the power to comfort and heal--a lovely and mystical creature who’s feminine power had opened his eyes to the possibilities of a life filled with her love.
Smiling inward he tried to decide what he loved best about her, her seductive body, her incredible brain or her fathomless heart, but in the end he realized that in Tea, they were all interconnected, and she loved him equally well with all those parts of her.
“Hi, Daddy,” squealed Starr with happiness as she jumped up on the sofa and snuggled into her father’s arms. “How come you’re smiling at the ceiling?” she asked looking up to see what was up there.
Todd laughed and put his arm around her.
“I was thinking about something good. Where’s your mother, Starr?”
“I don’t know? Clare’s upstairs sleeping. She said I wear her out.’
“Useless woman. Leave it to your mother to hire a narcoleptic nanny,” he muttered.
“Narca-w-what?”
“Never mind. Starr, listen...how would you feel about having a new baby brother?” he said watching her carefully.
“Yeah! That’s what I want”
Todd pulled away from her and faced her, stroking her beautiful yellow hair. She looked at him with such innocence, such perfect sweetness that the thought of disappointing her, terrified him.
“Starr, about me and your mother getting married. I don’t think that’s actually going to happen.”
Starr pouted, her lower lip quivering, as she looked away from him.
“But mommy said it was. She promised me,” she said looking back up at him. “Is it because your mad at mommy? Because she’s not getting fat, like she’s suppose to?”
Todd looked at her, his brow knitted with confusion.
“What? What are you talking about?”
Before Starr had a chance to answer, they heard the front door slam and Blair walked into the livingroom carrying a bag of Chinese food. Starr jumped off the sofa, leaving Todd mildly perplexed, and went to greet her mother.
“Hi, honey. Look I brought your favorite, Chinese food. I thought we could have a nice family dinner all together,” she said looking over at Todd and noticing the confused look on his face as he watched her. “And what were you two taking about?”
“Daddy said we’re not getting married,” said Starr looking anxiously at her mother.
Blair glared harshly at Todd as he turned away from her.
“That’s silly talk, Starr, of course we’re getting married. Your daddy’s just teasing you, aren’t you, Todd?” she asked , putting him in the role of the heavy.
Todd stood up and faced her.
“I don’t think this is a discussion we should be having in front of our daughter,” he said. “Starr, why don’t you go upstairs, wake up your lazy nanny, and wash up for dinner.”
“Okay,” said Starr quickly running upstairs.
“What the hell, are you doing, Todd, conspiring behind my back and using my little girl to help you?” she asked sharply.
Todd walked closer to her and tried to lower his voice.
“I’m not the one using our daughter to try and push this wedding along, you are.”
“Well, you said we could get married, Todd!”
“I only said that because you made me believe that your so-called “stress” pains were caused by me not marrying you. Well, Blair, imagine my surprise when your doctor didn’t know anything about them? Are you lying to me Blair? Again? What the hell is going on? Is there something wrong with my kid?” he asked pointing at her belly, almost touching.
Blair moved quickly away from him, afraid he might touch her and feel the pillow beneath her dress. She felt a tightness in her throat, like some noose that was getting tighter and tighter.
“No! No, Todd, I told you there’s nothing wrong ...with me or the...baby,” she said, almost whispering.
Todd just stood there, scrutinizing her every gesture, her every expression. She was lying, he knew it but said nothing. Blair looked up at his accusatory gaze and felt exposed as she rubbed her stomach to make sure the pillow was still in place.
“Something’s going on with you, Blair--I can feel it. And you can be damned sure I’m going to find out what it is!”
A wave of fear ran through her. Todd was like a shark when he smelled blood, and she had to throw him off the scent. Suddenly, she relaxed and became all feminine sweetness. She walked over to him and touched his face gently.
“Oh, Todd you’re just being silly and paranoid. I’m so touched that you’re worried about me, but everything is fine.”
Todd slapped her hand away.
“Don’t touch me. The last time you did, you conveniently got pregnant, and you can be damned sure that won’t happen again. Tell, me something, Blair? How does a smart woman, a woman who uses her uterus like a divining rod, manage to get pregnant with one...rather forgettable...encounter. Did you plan it?”
“Excuse me, Todd, but I think you had something to do with it to! Don’t you dare accuse me of...of trapping you!”
Todd stared at her with disgust. He had always wondered if her little night of seduction was all pre-planned, but he still blamed himself for his weakness and stupidity.
“I don’t want to marry you, Blair. I’ll give you what ever you want, as much money as you want and I’ll be there for that kid, just like Starr, but I will not marry you!” he shouted with conviction.
Blair’s eyes bulged out as she stood frozen in place. He seemed immovable and resolute standing there looking at her with sheer contempt in his eyes for her. Searching for something, anything to gain some ground she started crying.
“So, you want our sweet, innocent baby to be born a bastard!” she whimpered through her tears.
Todd watched her and for a minute he was moved by her seemingly genuine emotion and he felt tremendous guilt from her words, but then, just for an instant, he caught that familiar glint in her eye, that gloating flash she always got when she felt sure she had dodged a bullet. He knew her so well.
“This child won’t be a bastard. I’ll be there for it, I told you that! But this baby does not give you the keys to my kingdom Blair, or to me. I don’t want to marry you....I’m sorry, but...Blair...I don’t love you.”
His last words felt like a sharp sword that had sliced her in two. A reddish tint clouded her vision and she had to blink a few times to refocus. She was enraged, but this powerful emotion was sobering to her somehow, and an eerie calm overtook her. As she walked calmly over to him, an ugly, bitter smile came to her lips.
“If you think I’m going to let you ride off with your Latino whore into the sunset while I’m stuck raising your children, you’ve got another thing coming,” she said threateningly.
Todd was so struck by her words he was almost paralyzed. She obviously knew more about him and Tea than she was letting on, and her words sounded like a vaguely disguised threat. At her disparaging words of Tea, he had an almost uncontrollable urge to grab her throat and choke her to death, but he clenched his fists tightly at his sides to gain some control over the violence inside him, and came dangerously close to her.
“If you ever go near Tea, if you ever so much as look in her direction, I will see you dead, Blair. Do you understand me?” he hissed, looking into her cold, green eyes. “And you won’t be “stuck” raising my children, or have you forgotten, I have custody of Starr, and I will be raising her!”
Blair, glared at him. Her lips trembling as she spoke.
“You’re not taking my little girl, Todd...do you understand me? Never!”
Todd stared at her and then looked at himself. As far as they’d come they were exactly in the same place. He took a deep breath and closed his eyes before continuing.
“Look at us, Blair? Is this really how you want to spend the rest of your life? We’re poison together,” he said quietly, trying to diffuse the ugliness of the situation.
“We were happy once,” she said quietly.
“Yeah, for about five minutes Blair when we both pretended to have it all, but in the end, we always wind up like this and I don’t want to live like this. Do you?”
“I want us to be a family, Todd, please, give me a chance,” she begged.
“Your not my family, Blair. My children are, yes...but not you.”
He began to walk away from her and headed upstairs.
“I’m going to say good-night to Starr,” she said as he quickly disappeared upstairs.
Blair stood there for a moment. Then she walked over to the phone, and dialed quickly.
“I need to see you, tomorrow.”
to be continued...
2001 Copyright by Trog
FanFiction Home
Home
