The Florencia Lozano Homepage - Fan Fiction
LIES FEARS & LOVE
BY TROG |
CHAPTER
7 |
chapter 7
PALACE HOTEL
Tea sat up with a sharp pain, the wound inside her still fresh from awakening that fateful morning in early April to find Todd gone. She remembered searching for his things and finding his bag and some of his clothes gone. There was only a cryptic note left on the dresser, one that she waited hours to open as she cried her heart out. It read simply, "I love you....but I can't look at you..."
She understood all too well why he had left her. It seemed ironic that this was what she had always wanted from Todd, for him to trust her love enough to bear his soul to her, and yet, it lead to this. The knowledge of her knowing this blackest secret made it all too real for Todd...and he couldn't face her, he couldn't look at her. He didn't want to see that man in her eyes, that man who was brutally raped and tortured and, later on, himself, raped and tortured others. He hadn't yet forgiven himself--perhaps, he never would...
Tea was desolate for weeks. She wanted to find him, to let him know that she loved him even more for trusting her, that she felt honored in receiving his confession, but in the end she just stayed behind. She knew him too well, knew he was off devising some new means for punishing himself--a sick sort of self-flagellation that he needed because he had committed the ultimate sin--he had allowed himself to be happy.
She went to New York. She had nowhere else to go and Llanview certainly wasn't an option--way too may burning bridges there, their smoke still visible. After a few weeks of settling in and finding work, she found she was pregnant. She should have been miserable--alone and pregnant, like when she was younger--but this time she was overwhelmed with joy. The prospect of having his child, knowing something had come of the love they shared filled her with happiness. And in her soul she knew that Thomas Leon had been conceived on that night when Todd told her his darkest secret. She felt it was a sign from God, a sign that He had forgiven Todd and was giving him a chance at a new beginning. That night something died, and something was born.
Tea went on with her life, mostly working and enjoying every moment of maternity, only feeling sadness that Todd wasn't with her to share in this. In her eighth month she became consumed with letting him know. As the due date got closer, she began calling Carlotta occasionally and by the time she got the nerve to ask about Todd, Carlotta told her he was with Blair and Starr. The news devastated her and she decided against contacting him. Six months later Carlotta informed her that they were expecting a child. This news plunged Tea into a dark depression that still clung to her to this day. Their destinies seemed preconceived and final.
Tea checked herself in the mirror, the words from his note still in her head,"I love you...but I can't look at you."
The chime from the clock on the mantle startled Tea. It was six o'clock and she was late to meet Carlotta. She quickly grabbed her shawl and purse and rushed out the door.
THE PALACE GRILL
Tea swept into the dining room and headed for the table she had reserved earlier for them. Carlotta was already there. Carlotta smiled as she noticed Tea approaching all dressed in blue with a lovely mesh shawl draped elegantly over her shoulders and her hair pinned up loosely. She apologized for being late and sat down.
They enjoyed a sumptuous meal which Tea insisted on ordering which included champagne and lobster. They gossiped about their mutual friends and family, careful not to mention Todd, and Tea's past with him. While having coffee and creme brulee, Carlotta couldn't help observing subtle changes in Tea. She looked breathtaking.
"You know, Mia, in all the time I've known you, you have never looked so lovely, so radiant. Tell me, is there someone special in your life that I don't know about?"
Tea shifted slightly in her chair, a mysterious smile came to her face when she thought of Leo.
"Well, yes. There is someone. And he has brought great joy into my life," she said cautiously, trying not to lie to her, but not wanting to reveal too much. She longed to tell her, to tell the universe about her beautiful son with Todd, but she couldn't. At least not until Todd knew.
"Oh, Tea, how I hoped for this. I knew that you'd find someone worthy of your love, someone who would make you forget that psychopath, Todd Manning."
Tea looked injured by Carlotta's defamation of Todd.
"Carlotta, don't you ever speak of Todd in that way. Not to me," she said angrily.
Carlotta was surprised by Tea's sharp tone with her.
"Tea, I can't believe you can still defend this man after all the ways he hurt and betrayed you?"
"I will defend Todd until the day I die. I know him, and you don't! And you have no right to judge him in that way," she said, getting even more defensive.
"Mia!"
Tea realized she was out of line. She loved and respected this woman more than anyone and reaching across the table she took her hand contritely.
"Carlotta, I apologize. I have no right to speak to you that way. Just please, don't criticize him to me."
"He can still get to you, can't he?"
Tea pulled her hand back and touched her hair. Carlotta noticed her eyes getting misty with sadness.
"Todd is the love of my life. I will never love anyone the same way, not ever. I accept that fact even if I never see him again. Even if he has moved on...with Blair. Now, let's change the subject. How's your love life Ms. Vega?"
Both women laughed before noticing someone had approached their table and was staring down at Tea.
"Well, well, well. I heard you were in town, Ms. Delgado, and I'm so hurt that you didn't look me up," said a smooth voice with sarcastic venom.
Tea looked up to see RJ Gannon standing above them. He was wearing a purple jacket and the braids of his long hair slithered around his shoulders like little vipers. His dark, serpentine eyes gored into her and his smile was filled with contempt. Tea had treated him shabbily, and she felt shame and guilt at seeing him. He was one of the many unfortunate men she had used to try and forget Todd--her past was littered with their corpses--and she was not proud of this, but she would not let him make her feel guilty. It was RJ who pushed that relationship, turning a friendship into something physical, and admittedly, she was lonely, but that was over a long time ago and she was getting a little tired of having the slings and arrows of her past shoved in her face. She looked up and gave him her most gracious smile.
"How are you, RJ?"
Carlotta got up and excused herself. She thought Tea might want some privacy. RJ continued staring at her and saying nothing, caught off guard by her casual tone, but then, she had always been a cool customer. She looked beautiful, and his fierce attraction for her surprised him, even after all this time, but his hatred of her rejection overruled his emotions.
"I don't know what to say to you, RJ," Tea said, looking away from him.
"Oh, how about....I'm sorry RJ for dumping you like yesterday's trash," he hissed.
"I am sorry for the way I left you...but, there was no other way."
"Yes, I suppose my heart and soul were nothing compared to the dark, seductive powers of Todd Manning. Funny, though, I hear he's using them on Blair now," he smiled wickedly, wanting to hurt her.
Tea looked up at him defiantly.
"I hope he's happy. He deserves it."
RJ's anger rose at her defense of him.
"What he deserves is to be in prison for trying to murder me! In fact I should go and call the commissioner to let him know you're in town. Maybe with you as my witness, they can re-open my case against that lying bastard."
"I'd never testify to that. Todd never tried to kill you," Tea said emphatically, confident in the knowledge that Todd had merely tried to "scare" RJ.
He stared down at her in astonishment. Shaking his head in disbelief causing his braids to jump around with agitation. His voice was filled with rage.
"He not only made a fool of you, but he's turned you into a liar. Tell me, Ms. Delgado, what dark spell has this dark devil cast over you?"
Tea looked up at him looking straight into his eyes.
"Love. And, perhaps, if you weren't so self-involved you'd understand. Todd would never try and throw my past in my face to try and hurt me with it like you are. You're not angry because you lost me, we weren't that involved, but it's your pride that got stung, your colossal ego that got bruised. You're a fine one to say that Todd belongs in jail, suddenly you're concerned with ethics? You've committed more crimes than all of Llanview's citizen's combined. Don't try to make me feel guilty for loving someone else by feigning self-righteousness, or some ridiculous moral indignation, I think we know each other a little too well for that! You want an apology from me? Fine. I'm sorry I left you, RJ, I'm sorry I wasn't in love with you, and I'm sorry that you couldn't make me forget Todd. That's life! We're grown-ups. Deal with it!"
Tea took a sip of her brandy when she was finished. She would not allow herself to be sported with for the sadistic amusement of RJ Gannon.
RJ was speechless. He was angry, but could not help being impressed by her rebuttal. She was always a fierce opponent.
"Well, I am impressed. I see you haven't lost your flair for witty repartee," he retorted coldly.
Carlotta came back over and sat down. She had been watching from the bar and noticed things were getting heated.
"I guess that's that," said RJ, clearly defeated," good evening, ladies." He moved away from their table and headed for the bar. His hatred meter for Todd Manning had just gone up again.
"Tea, are you okay? I could hear you across the room."
Tea laughed.
"I'm fine. I'm long past RJ Gannon, but I see he hasn't changed much."
"No, he's trouble. Same as always," said Carlotta checking her watch. "Mia, you should go to bed, you have an early flight."
Tea got up and walked around the table to embrace her good friend. They were both in tears, promising to keep in touch more. When Carlotta left, Tea grabbed her purse and shawl and headed for the front doors of The Palace. Yes, she should go to bed, but she was restless. She needed some fresh air and started strolling absentmindedly.
It was a warm night and the moon was so full it lit everything in a lovely, blue afterglow. She missed this city and had hoped to make it her home in the past, but that dream was over. As she continued she felt a cool breeze flutter through her hair and she pulled her shawl more tightly around her. She had found herself by Llantano River and a soft wind was blowing from its direction. So many memories of this place came back to her as she stepped onto the wooden planks of the boardwalk that made up the docks. This wasn't the safest place to be walking, but there were still people about. It was peaceful and quiet, all she could hear was the lapping waters of the river against the dock and the tapping of her heels against the wooden decking.
When she looked up ahead she saw a solitary figure in the moonlight dressed in gray, bathed in soft, gray light--like a ghost. His hands held tightly onto the railing in front of him and his hair blew softly away from his face as he looked out into the dark, shiny water.
"Todd?"
to be continued...
2001 Copyright by Trog
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